


Blackbird

by bebrezzy91



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Celebrity, F/M, Momager Donna, News Media, Officer Oliver Queen, Paparazzi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-10
Updated: 2018-05-03
Packaged: 2018-09-23 02:10:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 79,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9636263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bebrezzy91/pseuds/bebrezzy91
Summary: Breakout artist Felicity Smoak is on the road to becoming a superstar, but the pressures of fame have led her down a dark path. Oliver Queen is a young police officer with ambitions set toward politics, his own career moving faster than he may be ready for. Felicity hits rock bottom and Oliver is the one to save her, prompting a friendship opposed by those around them. Will Felicity and Oliver be able to find their way dealing with the pressure of their dreams? Felicity breaking free and finding her voice, and Oliver the courage to make his own choices, and become the people they are meant to be.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first attempt at multi chapter fanfiction! I've got an abundance of free time at the moment, and i'm super excited to be writing this work inspired by the movie Beyond the Lights. 
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy!  
> I'm addicted to polyvore, so i'm using this fic to feed said addiction and provide visuals.  
> http://www.polyvore.com/felicity_donna_blackbird/set?id=216506344

 

 

 

"Blackbird"

Nina Simone

 

Why you wanna fly, Blackbird?  
You ain't ever gonna fly

Why you wanna fly, Blackbird?  
You ain't ever gonna fly  
  
No place big enough for holding  
All the tears you're gonna cry  
Cause your mama's name was Lonely  
And your daddy's name was Pain  
  
And they call you Little Sorrow  
Cause you'll never love again  
  
You ain't got no one to hold you  
You ain't got no one to care  
If you'd only understand, dear  
Nobody wants you anywhere  
  
So why you wanna fly, Blackbird?  
You ain't ever gonna fly  
Why you wanna fly, Blackbird?  
You ain't ever gonna fly

 

  

February 5, 1999

Las Vegas, Nevada

 

 

The first talent show Felicity was in she lost.

Or rather she got first runner-up. Which in Donna Kuttler's eyes, is essentially the same thing.

She still remembers a lot from that day. How nervous and excited she felt. Baby pterodactyls flying around her belly, the mild headache from the beautiful and intricate crown of braids her neighbor Dinah had woven her untamable hair into the night before, and the bright butterfly pins she'd talked her mother into buying months ago.

It had rained off and on all day so the Vegas air was humid and gross and her hair was already starting to curl back on itself, but the braid held strong .

When they arrive at the auditorium of the private school across town, Felicity is placed in a lineup of seven other girls in the shiniest and brightest of getups she'd ever seen. They make her plain sundress and boots seem wildly out of place. Their talents range from tap dancing and hula hooping to a violinist and a girl singing 'Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy'.

And then there's her. Singing her father's favorite song 'Blackbird' by Nina Simone. She doesn't totally understand the words, but she feels them. 

And pterodactyls be damned, she knows she kills it. She can see it in the surprise on the faces of the judges and Dinah front row in the audience. And she can feel it in the hug her mother gives her when she gets off stage. Warm and tight, smelling of flowers and faintly of the Marlboro's she sneaks when they're behind on a bill.

The hula hooping ballerina gets second runner-up. The tap dancing sailor takes first.

In all honesty, Felicity was seriously just excited to get her first award for singing. A small golden woman with wings on a pedestal. And even though she's in second, her applause is the loudest of the three girls, and she thinks her cheeks may burst from how big her smile is, until she sees her mother's face in the audience.

Before she knows, her mother is angrily forcing her way to the front and urging her off stage, to her embarrassment. She has to jog to keep up with her by the time they make it outside.

"That girl was a rhythm-less idiot. And fucking hula hooping? This is bullshit!" The backseat door is sticking as usual, and Donna lets most of her frustration out trying to jiggle it open. When it finally pops she throws her bag in the back and takes a few breaths before turning around to see her daughter fighting tears clutching her trophy.

"Trash it." She says calmly, kneeling in front of Felicity. "Go on, throw it away."

"Why mom?" She asks clutching her winnings with both hands.

"Do you want to be a runner-up, or do you want to be a winner?" She asks, looking straight into her eyes.

Felicity deliberates on the question for a moment. _She earned this. How is she not a winner?_

Knowing exactly what Felicity is thinking, Donna gently cups her cheek, "It’s a consolation prize baby girl and we're better than that. _You_ were better than that hopping ninny." Edge creeping back in her voice when she brings up the other girl.

Donna stands up, and taking one last look at the golden woman and her shiny face Felicity drops her on the ground of the parking lot. The woman pops off her pedestal as soon as she hits the ground.

Her mother pats her head and quickly walks to the driver's side of the car. Felicity's eyes stay on the woman as they peel out of the parking lot until she can't see her.

Her father leaves them two weeks later. Felicity tries not to see a correlation.


	2. Hurt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!!TRIGGER WARNING!!!  
>  There is a suicide attempt is in this chapter!! In my opinion, it's pretty mild. But if you're sensitive to that kind of thing this is just a heads up.
> 
> Also if you like working with visuals for the chapters, I do polyvore sets for most of Felicity's outfits in the story, and a few other characters as well depending on the chapter. As previously stated i'm totally addicted to polyvore though, so i'm going to make them regardless, but they're hella time consuming so it'd be dope if you guys wanted to check them out.

**"Hurt"**  
Johnny Cash 

 

 

I hurt myself today  
To see if I still feel  
I focus on the pain  
The only thing that's real  
The needle tears a hole  
The old familiar sting  
Try to kill it all away  
But I remember everything

What have I become  
My sweetest friend  
Everyone I know goes away  
In the end  
And you could have it all  
My empire of dirt  
I will let you down  
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of thorns  
Upon my liar's chair  
Full of broken thoughts  
I cannot repair  
Beneath the stains of time  
The feelings disappear  
You are someone else  
I am still right here

What have I become  
My sweetest friend  
Everyone I know goes away  
In the end  
And you could have it all  
My empire of dirt  
I will let you down  
I will make you hurt

If I could start again  
A million miles away  
I would keep myself  
I would find a way

 

 

 

 

January 28, 2017 

Star City, California

 

"Felicity what are you doing? We need you headed to the stage!" 

"I'm coming, just a minute!" Felicity yells back to her mother through the door. She's not actually doing anything. Basically, she's been sitting on the suspect floor of the bathroom for the past fifteen minutes with her back against the door, trying to will herself to walk out. She's surprised her mother hasn't physically torn the door from the hinges to be perfectly honest. She has however, been banging on the door pretty consistently for the past minute and a half. 

"Felicity if your ass isn't out here in the next thirty seconds, I swear to god I will have Rene bash this door down!"  

_And there it is._ She takes a deep breath and stands to collect herself in the mirror. She's knows she's the favorite to win this award tonight and she hasn't even had her first album release. And yet she feels like shit. Her stomach is in her throat and she feels like she's suffocating. It usually doesn't take this long to get out of her own head when the stakes are this high, but at the moment she just can't shake the feeling that none of it even matters. Probably because her song is shit. It's barely even her award. She didn't write the music. Or the lyrics. She's barely even singing and these idiots are about to give her an award. If they swapped her out with any other generic pop star over the last 15 years no one would have even noticed. Hell, she wouldn't have even noticed.  _No one would have even cared._  

Her mother calls her name once more and she can hear the clack of her heels leaving. Probably to go get the muscle, so taking one last breath, she rushes out the bathroom quickly. 

"Mom! Mom, I'm ready!" She yells to her mother's retreating form.  

Donna Smoak turns around her face equal parts angry and worried. 

"What the hell is going on? We needed you in touch-up twenty minutes ago!" Her hands tilting Felicity's head up, checking her eyes for dilation and her nose for powder. She shoos her hands away. 

"Oh, stop it. You know I don't mess with that stuff anymore." She snarks pulling her head away. She decided pretty early on that the drugs people in her line of work favored just weren't her cup of tea. 

"I'm just trying to find a reasonable explanation for you locking yourself in a bathroom for fifteen minutes on the biggest night of your career five minutes before you're supposed to be on stage." She cuts back, already pulling her from the recesses of backstage where she'd hidden. 

She wants to tell her the truth. That she doesn't think she can do this anymore. Continue on the way she has been. She wants to tell her it's all just  _too much_. But when she tries, the words just get stuck in her throat, replaced with sarcasm and dark humour instead of honesty.

"Writing my will and testament. Do you want my shoe collection or should I leave it to Sara? Is it sad that I pay all my friends?" She asks tilting her head. "It seems sad."

Her mother rolls her eyes and heads down the hallway, Felicity in tow. 

"Ugh, do you have to be morbid right now Felicity?" 

"Sorry, kidding. Just nerves. Didn't want to yak on stage mother dearest. You don't have to worry about me anymore." 

Her mother eyes her one more time over her shoulder, still suspicious, before letting it slide accepting her excuse. 

A young man rushes over to them as soon as they're within his sight line. "They just played your clip, you know after you perform you're supposed to go back to your seats? This way." His name tag says Wally. She doesn't acknowledge that he's said anything. 

Chase joins her when they get to the edge of the stage, he's on his on his phone and barely looks up from it to acknowledge her return.  _W_ _h_ _y_ _would he, it's not like his girlfriend went missing for twenty minutes or anything._  

Sara rushes over to touch up her makeup and hair in the minute she has before they announce the winners. She can hear the announcers going over the rest of the nominees. Personally, she's rooting for The Foo Fighters. The fact that her and Chase are probably going to get this award for single of the year basically proves the music industry is a vapid black hole of bullshit. 

_This is so pointless._  

Wally is clearing the extra people away when her mother stalks up for a final once over. 

"Arms up."  

"Ma'am! I need you off stage!" 

Felicity does as instructed while her mother readjusts her breasts in her... top? Bra? Whatever this leather contraption that’s supposed to be a shirt would be considered. She closes her eyes and tries to ignore the lecherous looks Chase's friends give off while Donna rearranges her boobs to her satisfaction. She's pretty sure her chances of an on stage slip just increased more if anything. 

_I want to disappear._  

"Ma'am please, we need you off stage!" 

"Hold. On." Her mother says leveling a glare at Wally, who just sighs in frustration, before stepping to the side. 

_A_ _nd the Billboard Award for_ _Song of the Year_ _goes too... Chase Cain and Felicity Smoak, Masterpiece!_  

She doesn’t think she's ever seen her mom smile wider before she pulls her into a tight hug and Felicity fixes her face into a smile as she saunters on stage. 

 

 

"Come on you've got to come to Miami with me!" Chase is so excited about this win it kind of makes her want to nut punch him. 

"I've got a ton of press." She says smiling at him. The fur coat she put on as soon as they left the stage is hot and a little itchy. It's mostly just irritating her at this point but it's better than having her nips on full display. 

"Come on, you know I can get us into some trouble down there." 

His arm around her neck feels like a noose. 

"I also have a meeting with the label!" 

"Baby, you just won a Billboard before your first album drop, they should be kissing your ass. For real."  

Chase is generally a pretty nice guy, although he's also kind of a douchebag. Generically attractive, young, more money than sense.A lost cause in bed but he has a nice smile. They've been 'dating' for a year and she bets he doesn't know her middle name. 

He hands her a bottle of champagne and leans down to kiss her, grabbing her ass with both hands.  

"I'll be back before the concert next weekend, alright." 

"Kay." She replies, the same smile plastered on her face as she waves him away. 

Never more than a step away, Donna lets her know she'll meet her at the car, so Felicity strides down the stairs behind the building to the waiting limo.  

Before she gets there she stops where some fans and press are huddled to sign a few autographs. An awkwardly cute teenage girl with hair the same shade of pink as her own and glasses hands her the latest GQ cover she did with Chase to sign. She's topless, only her hair covering the important bits, and kneeling at his feet while he smirks into the camera. Felicity thinks she may vomit when the girl says she's her idol. 

She keeps smiling and signs the magazine, and downs the entire bottle of champagne during the ride to the hotel. 

 

 

The outside of the hotel is flooded with fans and press as well. Barely giving them a glance, she gets out the limo walking as fast as possible, her chest feels heavy, her heartbeat thundering. 

"Felicity! I think you're forgetting something!" She turns around to see Sara holding the Billboard Award she was given not even a full hour ago. 

_You only have to make it to the room._

"Thanks." She responds, taking the award from her. It feels like the golden face is mocking her.

She gets more excited smiles and congratulations as she and Sara make their way to the elevator.  The extra minute it takes Sin to get to them with their bags irritates her more than it should, but she is less than a minute from her hotel room where she'll be alone.  

_You're alone everywhere you go regardless._  

She's walking as fast as she can in the ridiculous heels she has on, not to mention the amount of alcohol she'd consumed to get through the night, but her muscles feel tight and she stumbles walking down the hallway but catches herself. She thinks Sara might have asked her something, but it sounds so far away.

_You have to make it to the room._

There is a police officer standing outside of her door.  

She see's his lips move and then he's opening the room door for her.

"No one walks in after me okay."  She manages to force out.

As soon as the door shuts she's ripping her coat off franticly, the long held sob releasing from her mouth. She feels her necklaces break skin as she yanks them from around her neck.  _I want to_ _disappear_ _._ Her head is spinning and her ears are hot.She stumbles to the floor by the balcony, her back against the glass trying to get her shoes off, but the million laces on the boots making it impossible.

"Fuck!" She knows she doesn’t have much time before Sara or Sin or God forbid her mother, are in the room. She has to be quick. Giving up on the shoes she stands shakily and pushes open the glass of the balcony. 

There aren't any drugs in the room, and even if there were they'd take too long. Every way she can think of would take too long.  _I want it to be over now._ Trembling violently, she climbs over the bannister, the heels make her foot slide more than she intended. It'd be just her luck to fall accidentally in her attempt to kill herself. As soon as her feet are over the railing a disconcerting calm settles over her, and it's a welcome relief. She can see the crowd she passed on the way inside the hotel. They look like so small. They can't see her up here.  _They can't see you when you're in front of them._ She has nothing.  

_You are no one._  

 

>\----------> 

 

The ding of the elevator arriving to the top floor of Star City Plaza Hotel, prompts Oliver to put his phone away quickly. He's been standing here for the last four hours and the elevator has only opened twice. Only once was there actually anyone inside, a couple of teenage girls hoping to get a glimpse of a celebrity only to be sent away quickly. So he's actually surprised when Felicity Smoak steps of the elevator entourage in tow. He honestly wasn't expecting her to return tonight at all after his sister made sure to notify him of her win for whatever reason. He's never listened to any of her music intentionally, but some things are unavoidable between Thea and Tommy who pretends he listens to it because of Laurel.

She looks stiff and anxious, walking down the hall and stumbles before she makes it to the door. 

_Someone's been celebrating._

Her friend asks her if she's okay, but Felicity ignores her.

"Congratulations." He says opening the door for her.

"No one walks in after me okay." She replies shortly, ignoring him as well.

"Yes ma'am." 

_What a pleasant young woman..._

"Felicity!" 

The door slams promptly ending the conversation. 

"We actually need to get in there...She didn't mean us." Scoffs a small blonde woman, staring at him with incredulity. 

He knew when he took this job as a favor to Tommy he was going to regret it.  

_Oliver_ _it_ _'_ _s_ _just babysitting_ _some pop princess's door. She probably won't even be there most of time, you're literally getting paid to stand there_ _and not open the door for serial killers_ _. If I cancel on Laurel_ _again she'll never speak to me_ _, and then_ _she'll leave me_ _, and any dashingly handsome genius children we have will never be born. And then who's_ _gonna_ _cure cancer Oliver!_ _"_  

Sighing in exasperation at Tommy's ability to talk him into anything, he brings his attention back to the irritated woman and her friend. 

"She meant anyone else. Seriously, we're in a rush here Officer Friendly." 

The elevator opens again an older blonde woman is walking towards them, her face pinched in what appears equal parts confusion and irritation. Presumably at him.

"What's going on here, why aren't you getting her changed? She has afterparties!" 

"Felicity won’t let us in the room and the cop here, thinks he's the bodyguard." The young woman with dark hair snarks, speaking up for the first time since they got to the floor. 

The woman sighs glancing at him.  

"Alright guys, go get something to eat, come back in thirty." 

The dark haired woman nods her head and turns to leave, the blonde does the same, but not before pinching her lips and turning her nose up at him.  

_Should've_ _stayed home, t_ _here is no way_ _any_ _child_ _of Tommy's_ _is ever curing cancer anyway._  

"Can you open the door."  

Her full ire is now on him. Fuck it, leather chick was right, he's not her bodyguard.  He sighs one more time for good measure, and turns to open the room door. 

"Have a great night ma'am." She pushes past him, not sparing him another glance. 

_Seriously_ _lacking in manners around here._  

"Felicity. Felicity! Oh my God! Felicity what are you doing!"  

Oliver rushes into the room at the sound of the commotion and sees the older blonde woman standing at the door of the balcony. 

The closer he comes, he sees Felicity is sitting on the bannister. Her feet dangling over the edge, her body still. 

"Please, don't." The woman whispers, and Oliver puts his arm out to keep her from walking any closer. She clutches it like a child, her hands shaky. 

"Ma'am, I need you to stand back," he says calmly never taking his eyes off Felicity on the ledge, "It's very important that you stay right here okay." 

She nods and wraps her arms around herself. 

"Felicity? What's going on?" He tries for gentle, but his voice is as gruff as ever to his ears. Ideally, he'd be able to get Thea or Tommy up here, or hell, even his overly pragmatic mother. Anyone besides himself and his chronic resting bitch face. 

She doesn't respond. Doesn't move. He takes a step closer. He can't gauge her emotions from his position behind her, but he hears her sniffle and can see her body is trembling. He doesn't have much experience with people trying to hurt  _themselves,_ but the fact that she hasn't jumped yet makes him think he might be able to talk her down. 

"Can you look at me for a second?" He asks edging closer to her. "Please?" 

She sniffles again and it takes what feels like an eternity before her head begins to inch around to him. Her face is tear streaked and her nose is shiny and red. She's looking in his eyes then and whatever she sees seems to disappoint her. Her own eyes look empty and sad, but not dilated, so she's probably not on any drugs like he thought previously. 

"You still can't see me." 

Her words  confuse him and she turns her head back around, finished talking to him. 

_Fuck!_  He knows he's losing her. She raises one hand off the railing and it's trembling. Much like his own. He sees the moment her body starts to lean forward. 

"NO!"  

He tries for her waist but she slips through, her body twisting in the effort enabling him to grab her arm. Felicity is fully over the ledge of a twelve story building, his hand on her wrist the only thing keeping her from falling, and her eyes are wide but unafraid. 

"Shit, grab my hand!" He pleads stretching his right hand as far as he can and maintain his balance, "Come on, grab my hand Felicity!"  

She closes her eyes and relaxes her grip. 

"Hey! Hey, look at me dammit! Look at me!" 

She squeezes her eyes tighter, and he can feel the fight leaving her body. His grip on her arm tightens, she feels heavier every passing second. 

"Shit! No, Felicity! Listen to me okay! I see you!" 

Her eyes open softly, disbelieving, he sees a plea in them, he's not sure for what. 

"I see you."   

   
She's crying again and she hesitates but he can feel her body tensing as she reaches for his extended hand, pulling herself up. Later he'll have to remember to thank Digg for keeping him in the gym, because it took every ounce of strength he had to pull her over the bannister. His arms wrap around her waist to pull her the rest of the way up, both of them falling to their knees wrapped up in each other.    

When she pulls back she's looking at him like she's searching for something with desperation in her eyes. Her arms are tight around his neck still. The woman... her mother? Runs over to them her arms on Felicity's head, her back, urging her inside the room. But Felicity is unmoving, still gazing at him with pleading eyes that hold more life than he's seen from her the whole night.   

The woman he's now sure is her mother is prying her arms away from him, dragging her to her feet and off the balcony, all the while her eyes never leaving him.   

And for some reason he can't find it in himself to look away either. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all I don't think I can oversell how excited I am to be writing this. Thanks for every kudo, bookmark, and hit i received off that snippet of a chapter. You guys are the best :D
> 
> Felicity's BA Outfit  
> http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=216669245
> 
> Donna  
> http://www.polyvore.com/donna_blackbird/set?id=217014506


	3. Break

Break 

Selah Sue

How long will it take before I make the big mistake  
And how long will it take before my eyes speak out the truth  
How hard will I break when all the rules no longer stand  
And thoughts are running out of air  
How hard will I fall when I can't deal with this at all  
It's getting darker, break my wall but no one gets my point at all  
At all, at all, at all  
At all, at all  
  
And how long will it take before the mask falls off this face  
And how long will it take before my eyes speak out the truth  
How hard will I break when all the rules no longer stand  
And thoughts are running out of air  
How hard will I fall when I can't deal with this at all  
It's getting darker, break my wall but no one gets my point at all  
At all, at all

 

 

 

 

 _I see you._  

She can feel her mother's arms around her. Hands on her shoulders, her face, her knees.  

 _I see you._  

On some level Felicity registers that her mother is speaking to her, but her concentration is set on the blue eyes she can't shake. Until her mother closes the curtains. 

There is a lot of activity around her. The room phone is ringing. Her cell. Both of her mother's phones. Knocking at the door. But it all seems like it's happening in another place, her mind cloudy. 

 _I see you._  

She wants to ask how. She needs to know.

_What did you see?_

 

 

She's not sure how she ended up in the bath, water up to her neck.  

Attempting to stand, she winds up falling back into the water, the weight she puts on her wrist unbearable. Examining them, she sees the purple of bruising up her arms in the shape of a palm. She traces the fingertips.  

"Felicity!" Her mother rushes into the bathroom at the sound of the water. "Are you okay?" 

"Yeah." Her voice sounds awful. She clears her throat. "Yeah, I'm fine." 

Donna's blue eyes are worried but still hold the same fierceness she's always admired in her mother. 

"Felicity?"   
"I'm fine." She says quickly, her mother reaching for a towel when she stands gingerly stepping out of the tub. "I assume the commotion means the press has caught wind of all this." 

Her mother's lips are pursed, eyes still fierce, "Yes there's a press conference happening in 45, Sara and Sin are here to get you ready." 

"Then let's get to work." She replies, leaving the bathroom, effectively ending the conversation. 

 

>\--------> 

   
He's on the terrace of the lobby on the 12th floor when he sees his mother arrive. Sergeant Moira Queen looks as dignified as ever, but he knows she was off duty tonight and seeing her decked out in her blues surprises him. He's been antsy the entirety of the last hour since Ms. Smoak tactfully kicked him out of the room. When she bypasses him with a nod going to talk to Donna he chalks it up to the Smoak's being high-profile. 

"Oliver, I swear you have the worst luck." She says coming up behind him a few moments later, a grim smile on her face. She puts a hand on his back, and he's not too proud to admit her comfort eases his nerves a bit. "This is supposed to be easy money babysitting these celebrities. And it's your first time too, right? 

"Tommy asked me to cover for him.... it's his anniversary." he replies nodding his head. "Do you think that I could talk to her for a minute? I tried earlier but her mom is blocking me." 

Her brows are furrowed and she dodges the question in the subtle way she tends toward when she knows he's not going to like whatever answer she gives him." 

"How are you? I saw you favoring your side earlier." She lifts the side of his shirt to see the bruising caused by the bannister. "Did this happen out there?" 

"I'm fine mom, I just... I just need to see her. Check on her." He responds, redirecting her. 

"There's going to be a press conference in about thirty minutes. Felicity would like to publicly thank you." She says with a sigh. 

"She needs to be in a hospital, not in front of a camera." He replies, disbelieving. 

She's okay, she just had a little too much to drink and she... slipped." 

"What?" 

"Look son, it doesn’t change what you did, you did a great thing tonight... And they are  _very_  grateful." She holds up a check made out to the SCPD Fallen Officers Fund for ten grand. 

Oliver shakes his head, "So you're telling me to lie." 

"She's written her script, she's playing her part. And so will you." 

 

Not even a full hour later, they are sitting in a conference room filled to the brim with reporters and cameras. His mind is still on Felicity Smoak, who he hasn't so much as seen in passing since they were on the balcony. Still pretty irritated that her people seem to be set on sweeping this thing under the rug, he doesn't notice Felicity entering the room until the press starts shouting and the cameras start flashing. 

She looks like a completely different person compared to the previous times he's seen her, in the hallway and after the balcony. The smile on her face is wide and  bright, her dress is shiny and reflective, there's not much of it, but it compliments her skin. Her bright pink hair has been restyled. She looks like a new and confident woman, but her eyes have the same emptiness he noted earlier, further convincing him that she needs to be in a hospital and not out here.  

The longer he's here, the more he's convinced that lying about what happened won't be doing her any favors. He still wants to have an actual conversation with her, see if she can be convinced to see someone. 

Donna Smoak takes the podium in front of the sea of reporters shooting out questions raising her hand to quiet them. 

"Before we get started with questions, I just want to remind everyone of protocol, you all have microphones in your hand, you will be called on and able to ask questions individually. Anyone shouting over speakers or in the mood for outbursts will be escorted out. Our first question will go to The Star City Times." Her no-nonsense tone tempers most of the reporters, but he can see in the faces of a few that they're out for blood. 

Felicity takes her mother's place her smile confident and ready for battle. 

"Hi, Kendra Saunders, can you explain exactly what happened on your balcony tonight?" 

"I was celebrating, and things got a little out of hand. It was a stupid mistake. Let this be a lesson to you all, never mix champagne, a balcony and six inch stilettos."  

Her smile is admonished and her body language is open, Felicity spews off the line of bullshit so easily if he wasn't there personally he'd probably buy it. The press conference continues  mostly the same way for the next twenty minutes until Felicity calls on a man in the back row. 

"Scott Evans, National Enquirer, How exactly does someone fall of a balcony with a four and a half foot railing?" 

Felicity's practiced smile cracks a bit, her hesitation prompting her mother to step forward. 

"She's just here to make a statemen-" 

"Officer Queen was this a suicide attempt?" 

"Okay Scott, you're not going to hijack this press conference with your tabloid bullshit alright." Her smile sweet and saccharine. 

"He can't answer a simple question?" He presses. Opening the floor to more reporters agreeing with him. 

Felicity looks at him directly for the first time since coming into the room, and takes a step back signaling with her hands to take the podium. 

Reluctantly he steps up, taking her position at the podium, the room quiets waiting for his answer. 

"I was summoned into the room, where I found Ms.Smoak hanging onto the balcony railing. As I pulled her to safety it was clear she was... inebriated. Thank you." 

He's stepping back down, eager to return to the background, when he feels Felicity pull his arm back. Her touch is hot, a 180 from the cold trembling fingers he held in his hand an hour ago. 

"The truth is, I wouldn't be standing here if it wasn't for Officer Queen. He pulled me up, even with all this  _extra_!" She says giggling patting her backside. "Thank you."  

She presses a kiss to his cheek, and the theatrics of it all mostly just irritate him, but the warmth of her lips on his skin lingers. 

 

>\-----> 

 

She avoids looking at him the entire press conference, not sure what she'd see on his face, or what he'd see on hers. But having him there makes her uneasy in a way she's not used to. The press conference drags on longer than she would have liked but they're heading off stage and she's trailing behind Officer Queen. 

She's not entirely sure what possessed her to kiss him, but she can't bring herself to be embarrassed by her own dramatics. 

He's right behind her, so when her mom trails off to the side to speak to one of the hotel managers, they end up alone in another conference room. 

He seems tense for reasons she doesn't really understand considering he's the hero of this tragic story at the moment. False bravado is her security blanket and being around him makes her anxious so she musters up all  that she has and strides confidently over to the table in the room to take a seat. 

"So officer, what are you going to do with your fifteen minutes?" She asks crossing her legs and tilting her head. 

"Excuse me?" Seeming genuinely confused by her question. 

"Of fame. I bet you'll be able to pull a ton of chicks with this whole sexy hero cop thing." She's mostly joking, trying to relieve some of the awkwardness. But it comes out much more snarky than she actually intends. He's throwing her off her game. 

"Don’t. Don't do that. Two hours ago you were trying to drop twelve floors." He's looking directly at her for the first time since the balcony and it makes a lump appear in her stomach. He seems angry, which she doesn’t really get. Everything about him and this conversation is confusing her but she tries to keep her cool even though she can feel blood rushing to her ears. 

"And you were screaming 'I see you'. So, just what do you see?"  

 _Fuck._  

She'd been trying to gain the upper hand in the conversation, but she hadn't meant to go there. She doesn’t want to hear his answer. Not now. Not when he's inexplicably irritated with her for whatever reason.  

"Nothing." 

She can feel whatever bit of confidence she'd been able to bluff falling from her face. And this is even worse because without her front she really has nothing and she feels more vulnerable and exposed than she has the entire night. 

Her mother chooses that moment to return to her side.  

"Okay, we got ahead of the story, we're alright for now." Her mother is already ushering toward the exit, and for once her pushiness is a relief, and she rushes out of the room. 

Donna is on the phone the entire trip back to the room, and it leaves Felicity to overanalyze her conversation with Officer Queen, trying to figure out where exactly it went left. He seemed so irritated with her and she couldn't figure out why. Was he... Was he upset that she was covering it up? In hindsight he didn't seem to appreciate how cavalier she was about the entire situation.  

 _Probably shouldn't have led with_ _sarcasm_ _._  

When they arrive to the room she heads straight to the bed, flopping back on it, not even bothering to remove her clothes.   

So, going with the best case scenario, he's worried about her and wants her to get help which is fair.  

 _In any case,_ _you_ _'ll probably never see him again.._ _._ _It doesn't matter_ _anyway._  

The thought makes her inexplicably sad. 

She doesn't hear her mother come in, but she feels her lift her feet and sit them in her lap before working on removing her shoes. 

"Babygirl." Her voice is soft and somber, making Felicity sit up on the bed. Donna is sitting on the floor with her feet tucked under her. Concentration on the clasp of her gold shoe. "Can you make me understand what happened tonight?" 

"I told you I was drunk." 

"You don't drink." 

"Well now we know why." She responds, rolling her eyes. 

Donna's head snaps up at her tone, frustrated. 

"Is this some sort of, cry for help or-" 

"No." Felicity cannot think of a time she wanted a conversation to end more than this one. 

"Good. Because look around," She points around the luxury hotel room, the corner of couture dresses and designer shoes, the view of the city's night skyline out of the floor to ceiling windows. "You don't have anything to be crying about." 

"I know, it was stupid." 

"You can't afford to be stupid, Felicity." She yells over her. Taking a breath she places a hand on Felicity's cheek so she can't look away. "Just tell me it was a mistake." 

"Mom, it was a mistake." She doesn't feel any better than she has over the last year or so, but she also won't be trying to throw herself off any buildings for the time being. 

"Promise me it will  _never_ happen again." Donna's strong eyes are brimming with unshed tears. Felicity doesn't think it'd even take up a hand how many times she's actually seen her mother cry. 

"Okay!"  

"I want to hear you say it." 

"I promise, it will never happen again." She repeats trying to convey sincerity in the words. 

Donna releases her face sitting back on her haunches, and Felicity gets up to change. 

When she gets to the bathroom and catches a glimpse of herself in the tall mirror her face scrunches in distaste. 

"I look like I strip for doubloons," She whispers to no one while she removes the jewelry and tries to figure out the clasp on the neck of the ridiculous dress.  

 

When she finally slips into bed she can't sleep, so she turns on the television hoping for something mind numbing. Instead Officer Queen's face pops up from the press conference and she watches him lie into the camera for her. 

Her cell phone vibrates, letting her know she has a message from Chase. 

 

> [u ok] 
> 
> _[Y_ _eah, in bed.]_  

She quickly types out, rolling her eyes. You'd think almost falling from a rooftop would warrant a phone call.  

 

> [wat u wearin] 

_Seriously?_  

Turning off her phone and tossing it to the side, she turns off the TV as well, already dreading tomorrow morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Felicity's press conference dress  
> http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=216799661
> 
> Donna  
> http://www.polyvore.com/donna_blackbird/set?id=217014506
> 
> Thanks to everyone reading!


	4. Teen Spirit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So no one likes Chase? XD Yeah I know, he's kind of the worst. I had such a hard time deciding who from Arrowverse should play that character, I settled on the LoA DJ Thea briefly dated in season 3, played by Austin Butler. He is both pretty and someone whose character I didn't mind tarnishing. Unlike Donna, who I love and hate making a bad mom.
> 
>  
> 
> Felicity at the Label  
> http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=217013624
> 
> Donna  
> http://www.polyvore.com/donna_blackbird/set?id=217014506  
> 

Teen Spirit

SZA

 

Ice under my heels, I hear it breaking   
Under my heels, I hear it cracking   
Foolish of me to think I had it   
Emmanuel, how foolish of me!   
To think I had it..   
I hear your voice behind me   
Moving up my neck   
I hear you talking   
Creeping on my shoulder   
I hear you breathing   
In my head I hear you screaming   
Just do it..   
   
Yeah yeah, I feel you talking   
Yeah yeah I feel you moving   
Yeah yeah let's do it already   
Yeah yeah..   
   
Chipping away at boulders   
I conquer fire   
40 days 40 nights   
No New Star   
Fuck your Third Eye!   
I be the One   
Neo of the Sun   
Give me simplicity   
To lonely seems like real fun   
I feel you   
Creeping up my leg I hear you talking   
Moving on my shoulder I hear you breathing   
In my head I hear you screaming   
Just do it 

   
You don't even know me   
You think you know me   
Yeah yeah, I feel ya talking   
Yeah yeah, I feel ya moving   
Let's do it already   
Mmhmm yeah yeah   
Yeah yeah, I feel ya talking   
Yeah yeah, I feel ya moving   
Let's do it already   
Mmhmm, yeah yeah   
   
Don't come close   
Don't come close   
You don't even know me, know   
Come close   
You dont even know me, know me   
You think you know me 

 

Oliver has been replaying the conversation with Felicity in his mind since she stormed out the conference room. He's halfway home and he's been trying to figure out a way to get an apology to her since she rushed away. 

 _N_ _othing._  

Oliver regrets the word as soon as it comes out of his mouth. He'd been quietly seething most of the night between being worried about Felicity and having to lie to cover up the truth about what happened. And to see her so nonchalant about the entire thing pushes him over an edge he didn't realize he'd been inching toward since her mother kicked him out of their hotel room. 

He'd been hoping for the opportunity to talk to her the entire night, and when he finally does he pretty much tanked it.  

 _Classic Ollie Queen._  

Thinking of the way her face dropped makes him feel even worse, because in hindsight she was obviously putting up a front.  

When he makes it to his street he's pulled from his thoughts by the flashing of camera lights, a group of reporters camped out by his driveway. There are only three or four, but their presence is both irritating and confusing at the moment. His part in this is pretty much over. 

Pulling into the driveway, he spots the persistent reporter from the press conference, and immediately knows where this is going. 

"Hey, excuse me Officer Queen! Scott Evans, National Enq-" 

"You're trespassing. I've said everything I'm going to say." 

Scott stops and takes a step back, holding his hands up non threateningly, the recorder in his hand already. "I'll pay you twenty thousand off the record. Fifty for an exclusive." The man is dressed well with a smarmy smile that makes his every movement seem insincere and planned out. "You hit the lottery man, No shame in that. This offer is good until the truth comes out." He says stepping up to the  car to hand Oliver his business card. "And it always comes out. 

Oliver hesitates but takes the card and continues pulling into his driveway.  

 

Stepping into his house he's immediately greeted by his rescue Pointer Jake.  

"At least you're always happy to see me. Aren't you boy?" He says kneeling down to rub his neck, the dog then running to his food and water bowl. 

 _E_ _t_ _tu_ _brute?_  

Going over to grab the bag of dog foot out of the kitchen he notices the abnormal amount of messages left on the answering machine and presses play. 

 ** _Y_** ** _ou have 47 new messages._**  

 ** _[Hi, this is Linda Park with Entertainment_** ** _T_** ** _onight_** ** _trying_** ** _to reach Officer Queen? We're doing a piece on Fel_** ** _icity Smoak and-]_**  

 ** _Message deleted._**  

 ** _[This is Kara Danvers with People_** ** _-]_**  

 ** _M_** ** _essage deleted._**  

 ** _[H_** ** _ey Officer Queen, Mason Bridges here with TMZ -]_**  

 ** _Message deleted_** ** _._**  

 

Quickly pressing the 'delete all' button, Oliver refills Jake's bowl and heads off to shower before passing out for the night. 

 

The next day, Oliver skips his morning run due to the growing number of reporters camped out in his front yard and decides to make breakfast since he's got the time for once, he turns on the news to see what's being reported.  

 _S_ _he's on a roll_ _with three number one hits with_ _Chase Cain, and a Billboard Award win tonight for Top Song. But is Felicity_ _Smoak_ _a casualty of her own success?_ _Late last night_ _, witnesses report that_ _she was hanging off the_ _balco_ _ny_ _of her luxury suite at the_ _Star City Plaza Hotel in California. Following the incident Felicity made a statement at a press conference at the hotel._  

They play a clip of the press conference and Oliver is right back to feeling like shit. 

 _This is James Olsen with CBS News, and this morning_ _I'_ _m_ _here with music superstar Felicity_ _S_ _m_ _oak_ _who_ _wants_ _to clear the air_ _surro_ _u_ _nding_ _her near death experience last night and_ _deli_ _ver_ _a_ _message to her fans._  

 _"Hi, how are you doing this morning, Felicity?"_    
_"I'm great James! And_ _feeling incredibly blessed at the moment!"_  

 _"I'm sure you are, I understand there's something you'd like to share with us this morning._  

 _"Yes, t_ _he terrible situation I found myself in last night was totally avoidable and I just want to let my fans know that excessive_ _drin_ _kin_ _g_ _is no joke. I just want to apologize to all my young fans and the people who look up to me for letting them down_ _, and thank everyone who played a part in keeping me safe last night."_  

 _"I hear you, and I'm sure they're listening to you. So, how are things otherwise? You're a billboard winner!"_    
_"I know right! My first album will be dropping in a few weeks and its insane! I can't wait for the world to hear it. "_    
_"Rumor has it,_ _that this_ _could be the biggest_ _album debut ever for a female artist, even with the general decline in record sales."_  

 _"You_ _kn_ _o_ _w_ _James, that would be amazing, but really, I just want to sing."_    
_"Well good_ _luc_ _k_ _with everything, I know this was some very scary stuff, and we're glad this all turned out okay for you._  

 _"Thank you."_  

The smell of burning bacon pulls him away from the television shortly after the interview ends. 

 _S_ _o much for_ _breakf_ _a_ _st_ _._  

The ride to the station is pretty uneventful once he's away from his own home, turning on his phone is a mistake though, a bevy of missed calls and messages coming in from the night before. He sees a few from Thea and makes a mental note to hide from her the rest of the day. He knows his sister is a fan because of the obsession she had with Chase Cain growing up. Tommy too, although he thinks no one knows. 

He's annoyed to discover there are reporters waiting outside of the station gates as he pulls up and even more so when he sees Tommy's grinning face standing in his parking spot next to their cruiser. Always the drama king, Tommy opens the door for him and bows. 

"My man Oliver Queen! How you doing superstar!" 

"You're an idiot." Oliver hopes his face  conveys how  utterly over he is with this whole situation, grabbing his police bag and rifle from the trunk. 

"Don't be like that Ollie! So, what did they offer you? Nudie photos, a Porsche? Whatever it is obviously I get half, seeing as it is my gig." 

Tommy is still laughing at his own jokes as they head to the precinct doors, only to be stopped by Thea and her cheeky grin walking down the stairs with her partner Barry. 

"All hail the conquering hero!" He exclaims, prompting Oliver to forego his morning cup of coffee instead turning around heading straight to his and Tommy's cruiser. 

"Oh no, no, no, brother of mine, wait a minute!" She and Barry jog ahead of him and Thea points towards the reporters by the precinct gates, wrapping her arm around him. "Smile for the camera... make sure they get our good side." The three of them pose around him and he makes sure to brood as hard as possible. Which makes Thea laugh even harder. 

"You're such a sourpuss."  

"You guys are hilarious."  

"Alright, alright come on guys show a little respect." Tommy says opening the trunk for Oliver. 

"Thank you." Tommy's sudden change in alliances this morning makes him suspicious but he's thankful for the reprieve no matter how long it lasts. 

Suspicions he quickly realizes are totally founded when the trunk pops open to a hundred GQ magazines with Felicity Smoak on the cover. 

No longer able to hold his composure Oliver lets out an exasperated laugh.  

"This was you?" He asks Tommy. The three of them all out laughing at this point. "This is what you've chosen to do with your morning? See if I ever do you any favors again, you and Laurel will just have to go without cancer curing kids." 

"Like any of Merlyn's offspring is ever going to cure cancer." Thea quips. 

"I take offense to that." 

"I feel like this conversation can be held at a later time, can we get back to harassing Oliver?" Barry interjects. 

"Yeah, I think you all have done enough of that." Oliver says clearing a space in the sea of Felicity for his things before closing the trunk. "How about you bums get back to work."

"Don’t worry guys, I promise to spend every possible moment of my taxpayer funded time hazing Oliver today." 

"Scouts honor?" Thea asks, face ridiculously serious, cueing Oliver to head to the driver's seat of the cruiser while Tommy raises his head giving off a salute. 

"Scouts honor, ma'am" 

"Were counting on you, don't let us down officer." Barry tells him before heading back inside the precinct. 

"Completely and totally ridiculous." Oliver yells out to them from the car. "Tommy if your ass isn't in this car in the next fifteen seconds you can ride in the backseat of their car. You're probably more used to being back there anyway." 

Laughing again, Thea comes to his window and pats his shoulder. "Seriously though, good job bro. I'll see you guys at that dinner later, mom won't be able to make it, but Laurel and John said they have some big news for you." 

Oliver had known both John and Laurel for years. Laurel since childhood, briefly dating in middle school forabout two weeks. She was his first kiss, afact Tommy still loves to bring up to win arguments. And John was his first partner as a rookie. They were together until John almost died during a shootout and traded in his blues for a suit and tie. They both worked at city hall now, Laurel with the DA's office, and Diggle as a Finance Manager at the city commissioners office. They'd recently been thinking of going into business together as political campaign managers, and  Oliver had volunteered to be their guinea pig .

"Alright, we'll see you guys later."  He says, before pulling out of the lot and past the reporters. 

"So, what's first on the order of business today my knight in shining armor?" Tommy asks, clearly ready to keep his promise to Thea. 

"You're buying me breakfast, you asshole." Oliver responds quickly, shaking his head.  

>\------> 

"And we're clear."  

Felicity prefers these video chat interviews, over face to face ones for so many reasons. The main one being, when it's over she's home. There aren't as many fake smiles, less eyes on her. Small victories but victories all the same, she thinks, giving herself a mental fist bump. 

The fact that her incident has turned into some quasi anti-alcohol campaign makes her feel marginally better about the whole thing. Not that she actually is anti-alcohol. Although as a general rule she doesn't drink. Even if she hates how parts of her life have turned out, drinking herself into a stupor never felt like an escape to her. The amount of decisions she can make herself dwindle daily, she's not really down to give up the little autonomy she has left. 

She does wish she could use her experience as some kind of platform to open a discussion on suicide  since for whatever reason so many girls seem to look up to her. But she's a coward, and knows there's no way her mother or the label would ever let that happen. Not to mention it's not like she's on some road to recovery, the most she can do is give tips on how to hide the signs from the people around. She's phony enough as it is, no need to add mental health crusader to the list. 

Her mother clears out the A/V guys from their room and she moves over to the table of food the service workers left. Donna is already on the phone but comes to sit next to her. 

Hashbrowns, egg whites, toast and bacon. The smell is making her ravenous. 

 _Mmmm_ _, carbs. Someone must love me._  

Picking up her fork she's surprised when her mother snatches it out of her hand, taking the plate and scraping the potatoes, bread, and sausage into a nearby bin before setting the plate of eggs back down and pushing over half a grapefruit and a few cherry tomatoes.   

She doesn’t even try to hide the disappointment as she reaches for the bitter fruit. 

 

They're in the meeting room of Palmer Recordings waiting to meet with Slade Wilson. Slade's a dick but Ray Palmer, formerly known as Todd Ingram and guitarist for the metal band The Clash at Demonhead, is actually not awful. His personality is kind of all over the place, he once went on a forty-five minute rant on the pros of veganism and followed that conversation by offering her eggnog gelato from his personal stash.  _She'd only asked where the bathroom was._  But, given how far he's come in life she has to admit there must be  a method to his madness. 

Her hands itch for her phone but her inability to stay away from social media made her turn it off. Her mother has hers as usual, busily typing away. 

"Have you seen the hashtags? I'm sure someone's thought of one by now." 

"Honey stay off twitter, we're just going to push mainstream media and stay out in front of that alright. We've got Ellen in an hour, stay focused." She responds, not looking up from the device.  

Rolling her eyes Felicity steals a napkin to doodle. Usually when her mind has idle time, random ideas for song lyrics come to her, and by the time she's drawn her sixth Star of David she's got a melody in mind.  

 _I hear your voice behind me_    
_Moving up my neck_    
_I hear you talking_    
_Creeping on my shoulder_    
_I hear you breathing_    
_In my head I hear you screaming_    
_Just do it.._  

Another thirty minutes pass before Slade and his flunky assistant, Isobel, walk in nonchalantly as if they haven't had them waiting here forever for an impromptu meeting  _he_ requested. 

"Slade what the hell, we've been waiting here for nearly an hour." Her mother asks impatiently.

"I apologize."  

 _Well that was sincere._  

"I thought this was supposed to be a strategy meeting, where is everyone?" 

The smug grin on Isobel's face makes Felicity want to throw the remainder of the vegan danish she snuck off the snack platter for later at her shiny forehead. But, Ray was right, it actually is quite delicious and Lady Voldemort isn't worth it. 

 _Not to_ _men_ _tion_ _I'd totally miss._  

"We're holding off on releasing the album."

"What! Why." 

"Donna, I didn't bullshit you, so don't bullshit me, all right?" 

"Felicity did something stupid. So did Britney, so did Kanye. Do you want me to give you a list?" 

"The blogs are all saying 'suicide attempt'." 

"Of course they are, they're the blogs. So what?" 

"So what? Felicity is supposed to be who every  girl wants to  _be_ , and every guy wants to  _fuck_." He replies harshly staring Felicity on. " Sweetheart, we're selling fantasy here, and no matter how you slice it, suicide ain't sexy." 

Her palms start to sweat, it's one thing to _feel_ like an object, another to be told you are one to your face. She hates when they talk over her like this, no one ever looking for her input on her life and career, but she'd accepted it.  

She'd be more upset about the way he was talking to her if she wasn't freaking out about the album not being released. The thought of everything she'd been through being for nothing. Every part of herself she'd sacrificed, her freedom, her voice, her body, all of it for nothing.  

"No, this is ridiculous. Where is Ray?" 

"He's currently in New York." Isobel replies, her tone pleased. 

"Felicity put this label in the game, and this is how it's gonna treat her?"     
" _We_  put her on  _Chase's_  three number one records." Slade snips back. 

"So you're saying I had nothing to do with that?"  

"Honey, you are her mother. And that, my dear, is the single qualification you have for even sitting in this room." He replies, his tone icy. 

There was a time when a man taking that tone with her mother would have surely resulted in some secretly slit tires and Felicity can feel the barely contained wrath radiating off her mother. Isobel is outright smiling at this point, her satisfaction nearly tangible.  But Donna Smoak takes a breath, her mind as quick as ever even if her impulse control had improved. 

"Ray gave Felicity a million dollar signing bonus. You add to that the cost of recording, mixing, mastering, marketing, promotion, and he's in it for about two mill." Calmly leaning forward and never so much as breaking eye contact with the intimidating man, she continues. "He's not gonna see any of that money back without album sales. In a couple of weeks, Felicity's set to perform at the American Music Awards and millions of eyes are going to be on her. And I'm telling you, by the end of that night, no one's going to be talking about a balcony." 

"So you say."   
"Oh, no, I guarantee it." Donna replies, and Felicity has never felt more proud of her mother. "Felicity's album is going to break records. You know that. So, be the hero and tell Ray to keep the release date." 

Slade sits back contemplating  Donna's response looking over to Isobel's currently sour face.  

"If she doesn't kick ass at that show, if she doesn't change this conversation, I will  _personally_ drop her from this label." Slade replies, the both of them standing to make their exit.  

Releasing a breath she didn't realize she'd been holding, Felicity relaxes into the back of the chair. 

She smiles at her mother who is obviously still heated from the meeting with dickwad and his lackey. 

"Donna Smoak, single mother and cocktail waitress by day, illegal contract attorney by night." She says dramatically, spreading her hands through the air .  

"Oh shush." Donna says rolling her eyes. "It's only illegal if you call yourself a lawyer. I was a guide at best." 

Felicity scoffs loudly at that causing her mother to chuckle, before sobering. 

"Seriously though baby, we need to be all in the next few weeks okay. This is everything we've been working toward your whole life. I need you with me on this." 

She's sacrificed her soul to get to where she is. Donna's expectations and sacrifices weigh heavily on her shoulders as usual, and once again she feels herself yielding under the weight. She hasn't approved of almost any of the decisions that have been made for her on this path, but that doesn't change the amount of work and tears she's put into getting this far. And above all else she knows she can't let her mother down. She can't be another person who fails Donna Smoak.

"I know mom. I'm with you.  I won't let you down."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am totally blown away at the idea of people reading my story, so honestly thanks for everyone rocking with me on this one. Your time is appreciated :D As is any feedback you have.
> 
> Did anybody catch that Scott Pilgrim reference or nah?


	5. Weary

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Laurel, John, Thea, Oliver at the Party  
> http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=217015413
> 
> Felicity that night  
> https://www.polyvore.com/felicity_blackbird/set?id=217013671
> 
> Donna  
> http://www.polyvore.com/donna_blackbird/set?id=217014506  
> 

Weary

Amel Larrieux

 

This woman is growing weary   
Of having to be so strong   
Of having to pretend I'm made of stone   
So I won't end up with no broken bones   
I can't fight every battle alone   
   
I want someone to lift me   
Heal my wounds and give me kisses on my head   
Say words that should be said   
Fear is not the matter   
I would so much rather open up my heart   
And lay down my guard   
   
If I could trust someone   
To have my back and never do me wrong   
Then I would give my love up   
Just like that stop singing this soldier song   
   
Whoever said love was overrated   
must not be getting none   
My independent days have had their fun   
but when the party's over   
and the working day is done   
I just want to come home to someone   
   
I want a love to take me   
As I am not make me compromise myself   
Or be like no one else   
Fear is not the matter   
I would so much rather open up my heart   
And just lay down my guard 

 

Oliver ends up being late to the dinner, and it probably would have gone unnoticed if Thea hadn't announced his arrival to the room as "The Hero of Star City." 

The cherry on top of a day he was going to make sure Tommy regretted next time they hit the gym. 

Of course it only takes a word from John to put the hazing to a stop. 

"John, you and Lyla will be receiving spectacular Christmas presents this year."  

"How about you save the Christmas present and volunteer for babysitting duty." Oliver hopes his distress doesn't show on his face. "You know I'd feel a  whole lot more secure leaving my daughter in your care if you didn't look like someone had just put the fear of God into you Oliver. 

"I'm still not sure I can be trusted around infants without supervision." 

"Oliver, I've seen you take actual bullets with more ease than you discuss  _hypothetical_ situations involving children." 

"To be fair, he probably is still traumatized from his last experience babysitting." Laurel says, walking up giving the both of them a drink. 

"Ahh, Laurel, you are much too good for Tommy Merlyn." He says accepting it. 

"What exactly about babysitting can be defined as traumatic?"   
"It's a long story, but let's just say it involves a two year old, mayonnaise and a screwdriver." 

Diggle's  face is the picture of bemusement. 

"Can I just say that I am completely open to changing the subject right now."  

"Fine, we can discuss the bit of luck you've stumbled into recently with Felicity Smoak."   
"Oh, God Laurel not you to." Olive says with a sigh. 

"We're actually not going to rag you on this anymore, but Laurel and I wouldn't be doing our jobs if we didn't tell you how good this is for you from a political standpoint." John tells him. 

"How?" He asks genuinely confused at how the two could connect in anyway. 

"Ollie, It's the lead story on every local news affiliate. We're talking top of the hour broadcast, at a national level." Laurel says. "Plus, it's gone viral online. That's 100 percent media saturation, with a positive story, with  _you_ at the center painted as a hero. Honestly we couldn't even buy this kind of publicity. You're trending on twitter as #OfficerFriendly." 

"First off, please promise me neither of you will mention that to Tommy or Thea. Second, how would we build on that? By the time I'm up for any kind of office this story is going to be a footnote." 

"Scout's honor." Laurel says with a salute.  _She might be more like her husband than I previously realized._  

"Actually, Councilwoman Adams is going before the grand jury on corruption charges in a couple of weeks." Digg interjects." Word around the hall says she's gonna be indicted." 

"And when that happens, we go after her seat." Laurel says excitedly. 

"Isn't all this a couple of years ahead of schedule?" 

"Opportunity can't tell time Ollie. The people want fresh faces in politics." 

"They're looking for stars Oliver and that could be you. Good looking, young, moderately liberal guy who's on the level. Good family, law enforcement background going back four generations, all based in Star City. You're be a man of the people. We take the whole campaign grassroots with the Glades at the center." Digg tells him.  

"John and I are prepared to get you there as long as you're ready to put in the work. Humble beginnings play out well to voters, but this is politics and money talks. We'd have to go at it with everything we've got." 

"You could do some big things. A lot bigger than your old man. We live in a whole different era now, where you can take advantage of social media, but you gotta do it while you're hot because a chance like this may not ever come back." 

He can hear the excitement in both of their voices. They're already gearing up for war and Oliver hasn't even had a chance to process any of these changes. The whole thing is moving so fast. He thought he'd have time to do more before dedicating himself to this fully. He knows his mom has her eyes set even higher than this city council position. That dad's plan with this political thing, was for him to end up in the Senate. And he wants it all, God knows he does. He just wanted to be in a different place before the ball got rolling.  

"Now," Laurel says redirecting them to a woman he doesn't recognize. "We need to hone your message, and we need to get some funds, fast if we want to keep up with the old money in Star City. Working in city hall, Digg and I have come up with a great network that we think you could benefit from knowing. A few of them are here tonight, if we play our cards right this could go very well for us. Let me introduce you to Celia Castle, Star City's County Supervisor. Nothing happens in this city without going through her first." 

"How are you ma'am?" He asks, shaking her hand. 

"Pleased to make your acquaintance, young man. 

"It's a pleasure." 

"And this is Pastor Sebastian Blood. He is behind, Blood Brothers,  that non-denominational church based community service and outreach program in the Glades" Digg says as Oliver shakes the man's hand. 

 

The next hour and a half of the party is spent schmoozing a few of Star City's major players, a few of whom he likes, a few others that give him bad vibes. The first chance he gets he escapes to the bar. 

"What can I get you.' 

"Uh, Guinness please.  

'You got it." 

While waiting for the bartender to come back, the news catches his eye, the story once again on Felicity, as Cat Grant with The CatCo Media Group pokes fun reading yet another statement from Felicity's camp. 

 _"_ _Various news outlets have reported_ _that on the night of_ _the Billboard Music Awards_  s _he got drunk and fell off the balcony_ _of her luxury hotel in Star City_ _._ _Her publicist just released_   _a statement, and it says,_ _"_ _F_ _elicity loves life and music. S_ _he simply had too many_ _celebratory drinks_ _after winning her Billboard Award_ _. Felicity_ _apologizes to her fans_ _and will continue to be_ _a positive role_ _model._ _"_

 _'_ _A_ _p_ _ositive role model_ _'_ _,_ _ladies and gentlemen. That's a direct quote people._ _"_  

He hears a few bar patrons laughing at the story and again his mind goes back to Felicity even though he's been trying to avoid thinking of her all day. The men behind him talking shit about her make him feel even worse, and to an extent he now gets why she'd want to cover the whole thing up. 

Before his beer even gets to him he's in his car on his way to the Star City Plaza. 

 

Oliver isn’t sure if knowing Tommy is the one on the door makes the trip easier or more difficult. He supposes it definitely increases his chances of seeing Felicity, but he without a doubt will never live this down. In any case he figures the spiked coffee will help. 

Tommy lets out a surprised laugh he sees him stepping off the elevator. 

"What the hell are you doing here Ollie?" 

 Oliver smiles handing over the Giant Jitters cup. 

"You know I love you like a step brother right?" 

"Good, because I need a favor." 

Tommy's suspicious, Oliver's intentions dawning on him quickly. 

"Oh, Oliver. Come on man. I hate to be the one to tell ya, but I think she might be out of your league. You got all dressed up for nothing." 

"I just need to see her for a second." 

" You know I can't do that Oliver!" 

"Tommy. I'm asking." Oliver says his tone serious. 

" You really wanna see her?"  

"Yes, I do." 

Prompting Oliver closer Tommy leans forward to whisper into his ear, "Then go wait at the curb with the rest of the groupies."  

Oliver stands up straight to see Tommy's face barely controlling laughter. 

"Give me my coffee back." He says unimpressed, reaching for the cup. 

"Ooh you almost had it! Gotta be quicker than that."  Taking a sip his eyes light up. "Is that Bailey's? You probably should have led with that. Go on, get outta here Romeo." 

"I'm kicking your ass at the gym tomorrow, just so you know." Oliver says. The look of terror on Tommy's face makes him feel marginally better. 

 

>\---------> 

 

After filming with Ellen, Felicity is back at the  hotel before night fall.  

"Alright, we don't have any more official appearances scheduled today." Felicity melts into the couch at the thought of being able to stay in for the night. Being by herself and not having to keep up the carefully crafted façade for a few hours. "However, local billionaire Max Fuller has a club opening tonight and I want you there and a couple other spots." 

"What? Why?" Her dreams of escaping into Netflix being dashed away as quickly as they came. 

"Felicity, we talked about this. I need you all in. The buzzword around you is suicide. We have to change the narrative, we need you to look like you're loving life and having fun. Socializing. The next few weeks are going to be non-stop." 

Felicity's heart beat speeds up and she has to work to keep her breathing relaxed. 

"Oh, well I guess I'll just get ready." 

"Actually, Sara and Sin will be here shortly with an outfit for you so just scrub up. They'll handle everything else." 

"Okay." Felicity responds trying not to sprint to the bathroom. Closing the door quietly, she presses her forehead to the door. 

 _I_ _just_ _made_ _things worse._  

 

It takes about an hour for Sara and Sin to have her ready. 

She looks nice, but as usual she doesn't look or feel like herself. 

 

They're leaving the hotel room shortly afterwards making it to the lobby before she realizes she left her cell in the room. 

"Uh, guys go ahead, I'll be back in a second." 

The usual officer is back on her door and it makes her sad although she expected it. 

"Back already?" He asks, his smile easy. 

"Forgot my phone." She tells him returning it as he opens the door. 

A quick search and she finds it ruffled in her sheets  from the night before. 

"Sorry you're stuck here guarding an empty room all night." She tells the officer as she exits the room. 

"No problem, protect and serve and all that jazz." 

"Well I hope your night is uneventful."  

He chuckles, "You too Ms. Smoak." 

She's half way down the hall when he calls out to her. "Actually, Ms. Smoak?" 

"Yeah?" she asks turning around to see him closing the distance between them.  

"I have a friend-" 

"Oh you want a picture?" 

"No not- wait would you do that though/ Like for my wife, _obviously_ , I mean, she's a big fan. Like _huge_." His blush makes her think the picture is probably more for him than anyone else but she takes the selfie with him anyway. 

"Well, good night." 

"Night." He says absently, a little awestruck looking at the phone. "Oh, wait no! I was gonna say my buddy Ollie, I mean Officer Queen. From... last night. He stopped by a moment ago, he'd like to speak to you but I'm not really allowed to send people to you... but if you'd like to see him he should be at the valet still." 

 _Officer Queen i_ _s_ _here?_  

"Oh... Okay. Well, thanks." 

"No thank you. My uhhh, wife is gonna love this." 

"I'm sure." She tells him with a smile.  

Felicity is trying not to freak out but finds herself impatient in the elevator that is all of the sudden too slow.  

Speed walking through the lobby, she spots him under the car port talking to a valet. 

 _What now?_  

She didn't really think she'd ever see him again and had been forcing him out of her mind for the entire day. Now faced with him she finds herself at a loss for words. 

 _Just go for it Felicity. What's the worst that could happen?_  

Walking up behind him she taps him on the shoulder. "A little birdie told me you we're looking for me." 

 His eyes bug out for a second. "Oh, wow, yeah." 

"Well you found me... Or, I found you I guess... I'm right here I mean. Obviously." She can feel her cheeks burning, and for the life of her can't figure out what about him makes her so flustered. 

"I, uh, I just wanted to apologize for the way I acted after the press conference. You didn't deserve that. And-" 

He's cut off by her mother appearing from nowhere tapping her watch impatiently. 

"I'll be right there." Felicity tells her, a little embarrassed by her behavior.  

"We're already late." 

Her heart is in her throat again just from talking to him, but it feels different than it usually does. Less like she's suffocating and more like something she doesn't think she's ever felt before. She has no idea what it means. She should just accept his apology and leave but every part of her wants to extend this conversation as long as possible. 

"Just a minute. Please." 

 _Y_ _ou'd think_ _I_ _was a fucking toddler._  

Donna lets out a huff and rolls her eyes but goes to wait by the limo. 

"I'm sorry that you had to lie." She says bringing her attention back to Oliver, hoping that he can tell she's actually being sincere for once. 

She takes the nod he gives her as acceptance.  "I don't like doing that." 

 It makes her smile. "Boy Scout, huh?" 

"The truth is the only safe ground to stand upon." He recites. 

"Did you just eat a fortune cookie?" 

"No, it's a quote...  I'm kind of big on quotes. Anyway, that's what I came to say. And to see if you were okay." 

She knows she should just say one of her lines about being fine, but lying to him is something she finds she doesn’t want to do. 

She can hear the photogs behind him yelling for her. 

"Too soon to tell... Anyway it's nice to officially meet you, Ollie." She smiles, testing out the name the other officer used. 

It's  a good move, pulling a smile from the reticent man. "Oh god, I hate Tommy so much."  

Seeing the smile makes her heart quicken. 

"It's actually Oliver, that’s just a terrible nickname from childhood that won't die. Although, it doesn't sound as bad when you say it." He says offering his hand for a shake. 

His hand is warm in her hand just like it was the night before, and it's a little baffling to think the it's solely responsible for her being here now.  

They're hands are locked for what is most likely a beat too long, the only thing pulling them out of the daze being the valet arriving with his truck.  

"This is me."  

She hesitates for a moment, trying to think of a way to keep him there a moment longer. Hoping the reluctance is mutual. 

"Are you busy?"  

"Why?" He asks, his brow furrowed. 

Before she can talk herself out of it she heads for his truck hopping inside. 

"Felicity!" Her mother calls after her, already coming over to the car. 

Her actions surprise him, but quick on his feet he jogs over to the driver's seat. And then they're speeding out of the parking lot through a sea of reporters. 

 _"Felicity_ _, over here. You look_ _beautiful, baby. Right here!"_  

 _"Felicity!"_  

 _"Felicity!"_  

 _"Felicity!"_  

 _"Have you been to rehab yet?"_  

 _"_ _Are you suicidal, Felicity?"_  

 _"_ _Are you planning on_ _another suicide_ _attempt?"_  

"Jesus Christ." Oliver whispers under his breath.

"Yeah, you're really gonna have to tint these windows if we're going to be hanging out." She tells him. 

This pulls another laugh from him, and she does a mental fist pump.  

"So. Where am I going?" 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	6. Pull Me Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter picks up where we left off last chapter so the sets are pretty much the same.  
> Felicity that night  
> https://www.polyvore.com/felicity_blackbird/set?id=217013671
> 
> Donna  
> http://www.polyvore.com/donna_blackbird/set?id=217014506

Pull Me Down

Mikky Ekko 

Oh I heard you were trouble   
And you heard I was trouble   
But your name is a wave washing over me   
No games just a slave to you totally   
Cause I don't care about what they say about you virgo   
And you don't care about what they say about me virgo   
But you know what they say about trouble   
   
Pull me down if you want to   
and I hope that you want to   
Cause I want to be your man   
And I wanna say it loud   
You can show me where trouble goes   
Tell me secrets only trouble knows   
Cause you wanna be my girl   
And you wanna say it loud   
   
I want you to know that I've got your back   
Even when the whole foundation seems cracked   
Two punk kids up against the world   
Ya trouble, there goes trouble   
We could be king and queen of the moonlight   
Two young lovers   
and when the moods right   
you hear me say 'I want you'   
   
So pull me down if you want to   
and I hope that you want to   
Cause I want to be your man   
And I wanna say it loud   
You can show me where trouble goes   
Tell me secrets only trouble knows   
Cause you wanna be my girl   
And you wanna say it loud   
Ohhh and you want to say it loud 

   
 

Felicity Smoak is sitting in Oliver Queen's Ford truck and he is freaking the fuck out. 

He figures his reaction is fairly appropriate. When he made his way to see her he figured he had a 50/50 chance of accomplishing that goal, and when Tommy shot him down he figured he should just let the whole thing go. Doubtful she had even given him a second thought after that train wreck of a conversation. 

So when she approached him making small talk, he'd been surprised. Even more so when she apologized herself, and made her way to his car. Much to her mother's protest. 

 _I might go easy on Tommy tomorrow after all._  

"How about we hit up my favorite spot, get some food to go?" 

He figured she was about to call in an order to Table Salt or maybe Corrado's, but here they are in a drive thru at Big Belly Burger. The entire thing is fairly surreal, but also confirms his growing suspicions that Felicity is a lot more real than he'd first assumed. 

She's leaning over him inspecting the array of milkshakes offered and she smells amazing. The diamonds glistening around her neck twinkle with every movement, and bear a stark reminder of the differences between them. Differences that are hard to remember when she's damn near in his lap smelling the way she smells. 

When they receive their orders, two doubles with everything, large fries and a coke for him, a strawberry milkshake and onion rings for her for her, he figures he should provide a favorite place in return. 

"So, where are you taking me?" She says busily munching on the rings.  _She's_ _fucking adorable_. 

"It's a surprise." 

"So long as it's not the underground lair where you lure unsuspecting pop stars to their doom." She replies, and he's fairly certain she's  moved on to eating his fries as well. 

"You caught me. Now that my plot has been foiled I guess I'll just take you to my favorite place instead." 

She's smiling cheekily at him, her head tilted like he's noticed she does often. He can feel heat on his neck. "And you would of gotten away with it too, if not for my meddling, huh?" 

"Precisely."   
 

"Wow!" Felicity exclaims as a low flying plane goes over the car. 

They're at Star City Airport right outside the restricted access gate. He's been here a hundred times before but her excitement is contagious.   

"Yeah,  it's pretty awesome."  

She takes another tremendous bite of her burger before stealing the remainder of his fries, and he has to school his face before she catches him smiling like a doofus.  

"So what's this place? Your mom and dad used to bring little Ollie here and let you dream of all the places you were gonna fly to?"  

"I just like watching planes." He says with a smile. "I still don't get why they don't drop." 

A laugh bellows out of her. "You must be real fun to sit next to on a flight." 

"Never been." He confesses stealing her milkshake. 

"You've never been on a plane?" Her eyes wide with surprise. 

"I have no desire to put my life in someone else's hands." 

"That's funny." She replies stealing her shake back before sitting back into the seat with a sigh. "My whole life is in someone else's hands." 

 

>\-----> 

 

"You look cold." Oliver says, removing his suit jacket to place over her body. She is cold, because as usual she's half naked. But, she doesn’t think a man has ever actually taken off his jacket to give to her. The whole thing just screams '90s rom-com' to her. Something that she never realized would be a thing she was into, but it's seriously doing it for her. She's doubtful that he'd ever want to try anything with the suicidal chick he just saved last night, but there are pterodactyls in her stomach again, a sensation she hasn't felt in years. 

Her mind is telling her that none of this makes sense. Oliver is pretty closed off in general, but his smiles seem to come so easy tonight, and he blushes every once in a while making her think whatever is going on between them is mutual.  

"You good?" 

"Thanks."   

The jacket smells like him and she snuggles into it a little more, suddenly very concerned with her milkshake.  

"Mmm-hmm." He's blushing again and she just knows her own cheeks are mirroring his. 

"So what's it like. Being on a stage and... all those eye's on you, the fame?" 

She considers his question for a moment. Felicity has always liked performing itself, she could do without the pressure and the fame in general. She'd probably be happy singing in dive bars as long as she was on stage. But she won't pretend she doesn't get a rush from seeing all those people in the audience. She just wishes what they were listening to and seeing was her. She has a platform people would kill to be able to utilize and no freedom to use it. 

"It's a crazy high. Better than any drug." She says leaning back into the seat." "But also surreal. You never know anybody's true intentions. I'm usually a good judge of character but... when you're like me the people around you are either trying to please you, or impress you, or change something about you. You're constantly surrounded by sycophants and liars and users so nothing feels real... until you feel yourself becoming like them... empty and phony."

She can feel his intense eyes studying the side of her face and feels herself coloring. She hadn't meant to be quite that honest answering his innocuous question.

"So what's it like for you?" She asks turning her head to meet his gaze. She feels like he can see her soul, same as the night before. 

"What?" 

"Saving someone's life." 

"Crazy high. Better than any drug." He doesn't break eye contact with her, but she can see him considering his words carefully. "I think you should get some help." He says frankly and sincerely. 

Felicity thinks she might cry at the sincerity.

"I'll be okay. Honestly, It was just a stupid, drunken mistake." 

And it's the truth. She doesn't think she's ever regretted anything more. She has so many issues to deal with, but she is able to see that wasn't what she really wanted or needed.  

 _I just want to be free._  

The whole conversations dip toward her depressing mental state has her wanting to change topics immediately. 

"Don't I look okay?" She says with a smile, hopefully closing shop on this conversation for now. His face is still worried and he looks like he has more to say but refrains. "Anyway, who was that guy who told me to meet you tonight? " 

He smiles faintly at the mention of it. "Tommy, he's been my best friend since before I can remember. His dad was my dad's partner, and now he's mine. His wife is one of my campaign managers." 

"Campaign? Am I talking to a future president right now?" She is both surprised and impressed by the revelation. 

"If my mother has anything to say about it probably. But at the moment city councilman is the goal." He smiles but his tone is a little forlorn. 

"Is it not something you want?" 

Oliver's head snaps up and she wonders if she's said the wrong thing. "No! It's not that it's just... Politics was always kind of this distant future thing for me. Even now, up until two hours ago I thought it would be at least another three years before I was seriously being considered for any position...  

"So it's just moving ahead of schedule. If it's any consolation you've got my vote."  

"It is actually." His smile widens and it makes her blush. "You should know though, Tommy is like a super fan of yours. He thinks no one knows, but we've just been waiting on the perfect moment to expose him."

"I picked that up after I took the selfie with him 'for his wife' and he had the most lowkey fangirling episode I've ever seen. He almost forgot to tell me to meet you downstairs."

"Oh God, I don't even think Laurel listens to pop music." He says laughing and his smile already payment enough for the mess she's gonna have to deal with from her mom later. 

She finishes off her milkshake and picks up empty Big Belly Burger bag to rid the front seat of the clusterfuck of wrappers and drinks she'd pretty much inhaled. 

Picking up the empty coke cup to dump the ice, she notices something stuck to the sweaty bottom. 

 

 

 

> _The National Enquirer_  
> 
> _Scott Evans_  
> 
> _(759)658-7895_  
> 
>  

Felicity's stomach drops. Just that quickly everything makes sense. Why Oliver is wasting his time with her at all.  _Of course,_ _there's_ _no way I could have_ _f_ _ound_ _anyone that genuine._ She doesn't think she's ever read a situation so wrong in her life. Ever been so wrong about someone _. Ever been so_ _disappointed_. 

"What is this?" 

"A reporter gave it to me." His voice is guileless, ~~~~and it tears at her.

"He's from the Enquirer Oliver." 

"I... I know... I haven't told him anything." 

Anger flares inside her.  At herself. At him. At her life. 

"How much to keep your mouth shut?" She asks ripping up the business card. He's just sitting there and she can't bear to look at his face." Just give me a number and my mom will write you a check okay." 

"No, wait, hold on. This isn't-" 

"I guess even Boy Scouts have a price, huh?" Her face is hot and she just hopes she can make it home before breaking down. She refuses to cry in front of him. Refuses to give him anymore fodder for her death cannon. 

"I didn't ask for any-" His tone is frustrated, and grates at the limited patience she has left. 

"How much?" She yells over him, she just wants to go home and wash this entire... w _hate_ _ver_ _._ _.._ away _._  

"I don't want your money!" He yells back at her, and she refuses to look at him.  

The car is quiet and she's left with her thoughts, trying to figure out how badly she had misjudged the entire situation and estimate the fallout. A moment passes and he still hasn't cranked the car on. She only hopes he isn't about to try and make a case with her. 

"Seatbelt." 

Her head whips around, sure she misheard him. His hand is on the ignition and he won't look at her, but his profile is as serious as ever.  _Seriously?_ It takes another beat for her to realize he is in fact not about to move the car until her seatbelt is on. He's not even going to turn  _on_  the car until her seatbelt is on. 

"Please." His voice sounds defeated. 

 _Fine._  

She snatches the belt around her waist, but it sticks and she has to readjust it. She's fighting the belt and hopes her irritation is radiating in droves, when Oliver's arm reaches around her adjusting the belt before clicking it in the holder. Felicity settles into the seat with a huff.  

"1905 Sunset Canyon." She whispers. 

"What's that?" 

"Where I wanna go." 

 

They're walking into the glass door of the house she and her mother are supposed to move into later this week. Felicity's thought a lot the ride over, and decides maybe she overreacted a bit. Warring with herself over how good Oliver seems and her own self-worth. Seeing that card justified every feeling of inadequacy she'd ever felt because it fit the idea that she didn't deserve anyone as real as Oliver already felt. It was the other shoe she'd been waiting on falling from the sky. But, in hindsight, it would be normal for reporters to have contacted him directly and he hadn't given her any reason to distrust him. She knows this, but trying to think of another reason he'd be here with her only leads her to one conclusion. 

That she's an ass. 

She still has his jacket on her shoulders and he still seems genuinely hurt by her accusation. And the longer she has to think about it the more she is sure Oliver isn't going to call anyone about her. That he never was. 

She's not sure how but she seems to have found the last honest man in Star City. 

Walking by the gallons of dark and modern colored paint beside the stairs and the various poster size magazine spreads and album covers of herself set to be put on the walls, she can't help but think how little her mother knows her at all. Dwelling on the renovations provide a welcome distraction from the second apology she needs to issue to Oliver today.  

"So, this is you?" he says, looking around the cold house impressed. 

"Yeah, before the weekend is out. We'll be out of the hotel."  

"It's nice...." He gives her a sad smile. "So, you're good then?"  _N_ _o._ "You can call your people and tell them where you are?" 

He can't keep his eyes on her more than a few seconds and it makes her feel even more miserable about this whole thing. 

"Does this mean you're done saving me?"  

"Look, Felicity... I don't know how to play this game of yours." He sounds exasperated. 

"I know you're not gonna call that reporter." She whispers.  

"Why not?" 

"Because." 

"Because?" 

 _It's_ _now or never. What have you really got to lose._  

Mustering all the courage she could find inside herself  she walks over to him and presses her lips to his. For a moment he doesn't move, but then he's kissing her back and it's sweet and soft and unlike anything she'd ever felt before.  He pulls back and his eyes are glued on hers, and she's wondering how she could have ever thought he would betray her trust that way.  

"Because, I see you, too." 

He doesn't move. And already somehow knowing she can't out brood Oliver Queen she smiles and removes his jacket, immediately missing it's warmth. 

"Later, Ollie." She tells him causing the same self-deprecating smile from earlier to breakout on his face. 

"Later, Felicity Smoak."  

He turns to leave slowly, looking back at her every few steps. The smile on his face growing every time, matching her own. 

 

After Oliver's car is out of the driveway she navigates her way around the house, looking for the room with boxes of her stuff. She's not totally sure why she asked him to bring her to this unfurnished house, other than the fact that she has zero desire to see her mother.  

She finds a box, with blankets and pillows and sets up a place on a mattress that had already been delivered. Her thoughts are filled with Oliver as she curls into the comforter. She checks the long forgotten phone in her clutch to see the list of missed calls and texts from her mother. Every bit as pissed as she knew she'd be. She shoots her a text letting her know where she is and that she'll be at the hotel in the morning.  

She can't remember if she's ever fallen asleep with a smile on her face, but she knows she does that night.  

 

>\-----> 

 

Oliver pulls into his driveway and is once again surprised by the number of reporters around it. It's double the number there were the night before so he attributes it to him and Felicity running off together like a couple of love struck teenagers. 

Felicity had to be the most confusing person he'd ever met. He thought for sure whatever they had was over after she found that business card in the car. She was just so angry and the look of betrayal and disappointment in her eyes would have fucked him up the rest of the night if he'd actually  _done_ something to deserve it. Then the 180 she pulled at her house kissing him was one of the most surprising things that had ever happened to him. A list that was growing rapidly since his new association with the pop star. 

His mother's car is in the driveway so he's unsurprised to see her in the living room watching the game with her trademark glass of red. 

"I would have waited outside, but it was a little crowded." Jake runs over to him, so he bends to pet him before going to sit next to his mother. "don't let him fool you he's been fed." 

His mother is as  collected as ever, but he he's pretty sure he knows the reason for this surprise visit. 

"Thanks. Sorry I left early." 

"Me, too. Laurel and John thought something was wrong, but I'd already gotten a call from Ms. Smoak saying you took off with her daughter." 

"She wanted to hang out." He says this with a shrug but thoughts of his and Felicity's kiss are probably showing up on his face if his mother's hiked brow is anything to go off. 

"How do you 'hang out' with Felicity Smoak?" A hint of amusement and judgement in her tone. 

"We sat in the truck...and ate Big Belly." He says still surprised a little himself. 

His mother lets out a surprised laugh "Seriously?" 

He's not sure why her surprise pleases him but it does. Maybe it's because he already knows what his mother has assumed about Felicity. The same thing he had at first if he's being honest. 

"It's true!" 

Her laugh dies out, and she lets out a sigh, "Look, son, I know how easy it is to be drawn to vics. We're there to help at what is often the lowest time in their life. And they look at us like we're superheroes.  And I know it's got to be exciting but-" 

"This is different." It probably says something that he's already so defensive of her and how the people around him perceive her but he silences the thought for the moment. 

"Oliver... you have to think like a politician now. Everything you do, every person you're associated with, is going to be scrutinized." 

Oliver sighs, this is why he wanted to wait to run for office.  He's not ready to dole out his friendship based off what looks good to the world.  

"She's a good girl, mom." 

"You didn't meet her in a church pew, son." Moira says rolling her eyes, a smirk on her face.

"Church girls are the ones you have to watch out for." Oliver snorts at her words thinking of Crazy Carrie Cutter.

His mother smiles and shakes her head. Her face is both sincere and indulgent. "That is probably true, but even still, I think we both know, this one isn't exactly First Lady material." 

He knows his mother is only trying to help, but her words irritate him. She doesn't know anything about Felicity. He desperately just want's this conversation to end, so he turns away from her and focuses on the game he has no interest in. Baseball has always been his mother and Tommy's thing, Oliver himself leaning toward basketball with his dad and Thea.  

She doesn't move for a moment and just stares at the side of his face before getting up and going to the kitchen for a beer. She hands it to him and sits back down to finish the game with him. 

He takes it and they sit in silence as they watch the Star City Archers take home their last win before heading to the World Series. 

 

>\-------> 

 

Sneaking into the hotel is much easier than expected, Felicity attributes it to her overly casual disguise. In other words her pajamas, sunglasses, and a hat. 

She's been trying to finagle a way into Oliver's day since she woke up and Uber'd herself back to the hotel. At this point she thinks she's gonna just pull a Doakes and pop up wherever it is he lives and hope he's free. 

_Surprise motherfucker!_

Unfortunately when she makes it up to her room, her mother is already in the dining area waiting for her. 

"What the hell Felicity!" 

"I'm sorry. I got caught up in the moment." She responds, tired and over this argument before it'd even had the chance to begin. 

"Caught up in the moment? Felicity I told you this was the time to go hardest, that we had to work on changing the narrative that  _you_  created." Her mother's tone is both angry and confused. "And what, does this mean you're dating now? Do you really want to be seen next to someone the world associates with what happened to you?" 

Felicity hadn't thought about that, but even still she can't say she really cares. 

"Mom. I didn't miss out on a scheduled appearance. There's a new nightclub opening every weekend. I'll hit them up every free Sunday night between now and the awards. And I'll pull double duty today. Just... Just chill out about it okay. " 

 _I don't have anything that’s just mine. Ju_ _st let me have this one thing._  

"Is this going to be a problem Felicity?"

"Only if you make it one."

Her mother doesn't say anything and Felicity takes the silence as an opportunity to rush to the bathroom for a shower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you don't know Doakes and how much he likes surprises.
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=doh75ZUKJdI


	7. Distraction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone reading, your comments makes me ridiculously happy :D
> 
> Felicity  
> http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=217585057
> 
> Donna  
> http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=217014506

Distraction  

Kehlani 

 

Do you, do you, do you wanna be...   
   
Do me a favor, pick me up, take me out later   
Don't worry about no paper, cause I got mine stacked up for nights like this   
My life can get crazy, I deal with shit on the daily   
But baby I'm thinking maybe, we could agree to work it out like this   
   
I need you  to give me your time   
I need you to not wanna be mine   
   
Are you down to be a distraction baby   
But don't distract me, let me ask you baby   
Do you, do you, do you wanna be   
A distraction baby   
Do you, do you, do you wanna be   
   
I need you to respect it   
Sometimes this shit get me stressing   
So I need you with me   
To keep me right and keep me up all night   
We can get faded   
This life can make you so jaded   
So we can stay shaded   
Just to us and try to get it right 

I need you  to give me your time   
I need you to not wanna be mine   
   
Are you down to be a distraction baby   
But don't distract me, let me ask you baby   
Do you, do you, do you wanna be   
A distraction baby   
Do you, do you, do you wanna be   
   
I can't say I give my all   
But tonight, I'd risk it all   
Are you down to be...   
   
Are you down to be a distraction baby   
But don't distract me, let me ask you baby   
Do you, do you, do you wanna be   
A distraction baby   
Do you, do you, do you wanna be   
 

Oliver is sleeping in  Saturday morning for once when Jake's barking and someone knocking wakes him. Getting up and going to the door half asleep, he opens it to see a tall Latino man with a serious face. 

"What's up fuzz. You the Boy Scout?"  

Oliver can only imagine how confused his face must look. Usually he'd already be up and going for a run before his workout with Tommy, but his curbside visitors prompted him to stick to the gym for the foreseeable future. He'd like to attribute his confusion to being half asleep, but the fact that he doesn’t know this man at his door or why he's giving him nicknames is probably a cause for mild concern. 

Until he looks behind him to see Felicity leaning out of the window of a large black SUV. She has a smirk on her face, and it prompts his own although he still has no idea why she's here. 

"I need some protecting." Her head tilts to side as she says it, the smug smile spreading.  

 

Inside the van Felicity herself looks gym ready in a sports bra, gym leggings, and sneakers.  

"Where exactly are we going?"  

"Well, since you got me in trouble, kidnapping me yesterday I-" 

"I think if anything, I was the one being kidnapped." He says laughing. 

"That’s irrelevant Oliver, you drove the getaway car so you're liable. Seriously, what are they even teaching in police academy's these days? The point is, I sold my soul to get out of a lecture and have a ton of things on the schedule today. As my accomplice I thought it only fair you were dragged along as well." 

"And the first stop on this list is the gym?" 

"Nope it’s the dance studio." She replies. "Then we have to stop by the store to get a gift for a friend of mine, and there are a few other things on the list. All of which seem like they'd be more fun if you were with me." 

"Well, I do tend to be the life of the party." 

Felicity snorts at this. "Lets not get ahead of ourselves." 

 

Arriving to their destination, he sees Ms. Smoak already there talking to someone on the phone. Her face sours when she sees him, and she shoots Felicity a look. Which she ignores, walking past her to head inside the dance hall. 

"Hello Ms. Smoak." 

She purses her lips but gives him a slight nod of acknowledgment. He doesn't understand what Donna Smoak's deal is. The night of the incident he attributed her shortness with him to worry over her daughter. But the more he was around her, the more he's started to think her problem was with him personally. Which makes no sense considering he'd barely ever spoken to the woman, and the one encounter they did have he was saving her daughter's life. 

They head inside a large room with wood floors and mirrors that touch the ceiling covering the majority of wall space. Felicity tugs his arm to a chair on the wall. 

"We shouldn't be here more than an hour or two, this is all fairly basic and I've been practicing forever." 

"What are you rehearsing for?" 

"AMA's." She actually sounds bored with the whole thing. "Play your cards right and you can be my date."  

She sends him a wink before heading off to talk to a woman dressed similarly to Felicity who he assumes is her instructor. Donna is on the other side of the room still glued to her phone, face still sour. 

 

He doesn't know what he was expecting from the rehearsal. He's seen award shows before and he can't say he's ever payed much attention to choreography at them. But Felicity is  hard at work, and Oliver is mostly trying to ignore the amount of squatting and bending over she's doing. The sweat she's worked up.  The whole thing gives him a new appreciation for dance. 

 

Felicity finishes up about an hour and a half later, and Oliver sees the women he met outside Felicity's room the night of her incident.  The look the blonde has when she sees him is a lot less bitter than it was that night, he'd even go as far as to say there was a smile there somewhere. Leather chick looks as uninterested as she did that night, today. They whisk Felicity away, and thirty minutes later, they walk out and she looks better than anyone who just worked out for an hour and a half straight has any right to look.  

 

"So where are we headed now?" He asks when they're back in the truck.  

"Now on to much more fun stuff." He tries to avoid looking at the cutout riding up her thigh in the pretty lavender dress when she crosses her legs. 

 _Doubtful you_ _could top_ _the last two hours_ _._  

Especially now that Donna is tagging along, this time in the third row, silent and judgmental.  She doesn't offer any conversation so he ignores her and focuses on Felicity. 

They chat quietly in the car and pull up at a mall shortly. He hopes his relief when Donna opts to stay in the car and make a few calls doesn't show.  She warns Felicity of the time and they head inside.  

The man who knocked on his door, who he now knows to be named Rene, follows them. Handing Felicity a pair of sunglasses when a photo is snapped walking in. Oliver has always hated shopping, opting for online when ever given the chance, but the idea of Felicity in an '80s dressing room montage is rather tempting. Which is why he's surprised when he is pulled into a children's store. 

"Grab a cart Queen. You to Rene." Both men do as told as Felicity asks a worker in the store to help her find the biggest teddy bear they had. 

"I think I might have underestimated how much teddies have grown in the last few years." She whispers to him when the employee wheels out two bears almost as tall as Felicity herself. But they stick them into the carts and follow Felicity over to the electronics department where she purchases the bears and sixteen tablets.  

"So what's all this for?" 

"I haven't had a chance lately, but there's a girl in the children's wing at the hospital who writes me sometimes. Her name is Sam, I just wanted to surprise her. I hate showing up to things empty-handed so the bear is for her and the tablets are for the department." The words come out fast and she looks more excited about this than anything they've discussed over the last day or so. 

He's honestly a little stumped at her response. He knew Felicity was a good person, but seeing how enthusiastic she was about this random act of kindness takes his breath away a little 

"What about the extra bear?" 

"Oh. " Her face looks a little sad, and she looks over her shoulder. Checking to see if her bodyguard was in listening distance before leaning toward him to whisper.  "Rene has a daughter, Zoe, his wife passed away a few months ago, I just wanted to do something for her. One of the tablets is her for her too." 

Oliver is again stumped and he can't help but smile at the amazing woman in front of him. "Felicity Smoak. You are remarkable." 

His words seem to surprise her. Eyes bright, snapping to his before she sighs into a smile of her own. "Well thank you for remarking on it." 

She's high-spirited the rest of the short shopping trip and before he knows it they're back in the car on the way to the hospital. Her mother giving her a rundown of the remainder of her schedule for the day. A few interviews, a photo shoot.  

When they arrive she heads into the room excitedly, barely able to see in front of herself because she insisted on holding the bear. The young girl's face lights up at the sight of Felicity who gives the girl's father the bear before going to sit next to her on the hospital bed. The entire thing is truly remarkable. 

He stays in the hallway with Donna, who isn't on her phone for once but isn't anymore inclined to speak to him apparently. She does check the time every five minutes though, her foot tapping impatiently around the ten minute mark.   

Fifteen minutes later Felicity is hugging the girl and her parents goodbye promising to visit again soon.  

Felicity's smile is effervescent leaving the hospital room, an arm wrapping around his elbow as they head back to the car. 

Donna is in front of them, heel clacking loudly on the linoleum. "That ran a bit over, I suppose we could cut a few minutes off a few interviews though. You have to be more aware of the time when we do things Felicity. We're on a very tight schedule." 

Felicity's arm tightens around his and her smile loses some of its light and Oliver seriously considers tripping Donna Smoak for a minute. 

 

Next stop is Felicity's hotel, where they're holding interviews with a few reporters from larger networks and magazines.  He recognizes Lana Lang with The Daily Planet, Chloe Sullivan with Rolling Stone, Kendra Saunders with the Star City Times from the press conference. To his dismay, Oliver is _again_ seated next to Donna who is timing the interviews so they don't go over thirteen minutes.  

Her phone rings again and she leaves the room to take the call as Felicity wraps up her final interview of the day. After shaking the man's hand she comes over to take the seat her mother was sitting in next to him. 

"This whole being a celebrity thing is a lot less glamorous than I've been led to believe my whole life. I want my money back." He tells her, a smile spreading across her face. 

"Ugh, tell me about it. Somebody seriously oversold Hollywood to the world. I'm glad you're here though, makes this all a little more bearable than usual." 

"So what's next on the agenda for the rest of the day." 

"Photo shoot. It's going to take forever and it's going to suck because it's with James Jesse. The label loves him because his shots are always pretty amazing and controversial, but he's also certifiable and a bit of a pig."  

Her mouth twists at the mention of it so Oliver tries to change the subject. 

"What are you doing tomorrow?" 

"As far as I know I'm free, what's up?" 

"I have a thing later that night, but I'm open during the day. We could do something." 

Her face lights up and it makes his stomach jump. "Yeah, that sounds awesome. Actually I-" 

"Felicity, you'll never believe what happened!" Donna interrupts rushing in flushed. "Jesse canceled on us! He want's to reschedule for tomorrow morning!"  

"It's no big deal mom, I was actually  just telling Oliver I was free tomorrow." She sighs sadly, before turning to him. "I guess I'll have to get a raincheck." 

He's disappointed to say the least. 

"I guess I under booked you if you have time to be frivolous on a weekend anyway." Donna's replies, a little more snide than he was comfortable with, but he sees a flare of irritation in Felicity's eyes. 

"Actually this is better, I'm free early now. We can just do something today instead Oliver." 

There's a stare down between them for a moment before Felicity stands offering her hand to Oliver before pulling him toward the elevator. 

 

>\-------->   
 

Donna has had a sucky attitude all day and Felicity is pretty much over it, and since she's basically free the rest of the afternoon she hightails it away from her mother as soon as the opportunity arises.  

"Just so you know we're totally going to your place." He raises an eyebrow at her words and she blushes thinking of what they imply. "I'm not trying to have sex with you or anything. Not that I wouldn't, I mean you are entirely sex-able. But my intentions in this instance happen to be mildly platonic. I wou-" 

"Mildly platonic?" 

She knows she's blushing furiously. "As in 'this is intended as a friendly visit, but there probably will be non-platonic visits in the future', hopefully. I just don't wasn't to be cooped up in the hotel with my mother." 

"That makes sense." 

He's kind of laughing at her, and she's glad he finds these random tangents her mouth goes on endearing rather than annoying. 

Stepping off the elevator she notices the day guard is at her door. Oliver seems to know him, so she tells him she's just going to change really quickly while they chat. 

Heading straight to her bedroom she digs through the drawers and closets pulling out the first pair of shorts she can find and a hoodie, before grabbing the sneakers she wore that morning out of her duffel. 

She still can't believe she's hanging out with Oliver this way. Or that she's damn near defying her mother to do it. Donna may not have explicitly said she didn't want her hanging around Oliver, but she surely wasn't making her feelings on the matter secret either.  

She should officially break up with Chase. It's not like their relationship was ever anything more than a convenience. Something the label clearly supported because it helped promote album sales. Felicity hadn't been with anyone else over the last year, but that was because she didn't have any desire to. It's doubtful Chase ever had the same inclination. She was only ever with him when she felt the itch and even that was rare. And he for sure was never in love with her.  

They hadn't so much as spoken since he left for Miami, excluding the two text messages she received, but she knows he'll be back in town in a few days to practice their set for the awards show. Their relationship, or lack thereof was mostly a ploy to boost each others celebrity, to make Chase relevant again after child stardom, and exposure for herself. It worked, but this thing she's developing with Oliver feels so real and she'd never want it to be sullied by her publicity stunt of a relationship. Also cheating rumors would suck, and being slut shamed is not what she needs in her life right now. Especially when she hasn't gotten to have any of the fun associated with being a slut. 

Quickly wiping off the bright lipstick in the bathroom she throws her hair in a ponytail before heading back into the hallway. Oliver's still talking to the officer but smiles when he sees her. They say their goodbyes and she and Oliver head back to the lobby. 

She passes her mother talking to someone in the distance and isn’t ashamed to say she hides behind Oliver a little, pretending she doesn’t notice she's there. Oliver is laughing softly at her, and she narrows her eyes at the traitor. 

"You laugh now, but my mother can pull plans out of thin air if given the opportunity." 

"I'm sure, but you're stuck with me tonight. She'll just have to deal." 

"You're a big talker now, but you were pretty silent fifteen minutes ago." She teases. 

"That's because I wasn't sure what  _you_ would want to do. Not Donna. Now I know, you want to be with me." He counters back, and she bites her lips at the words. Not daring to look up at him. There's a crowd of paps outside as usual, and Felicity is beyond irritated by their presence. More so these last few days than she can ever remember. They're more aggressive than they ever were before her incident though, the questions more and more invasive and personal. But Oliver strides through unbothered, making sure no one touches her. 

He opens the door for her when they get to the car. "Don't forget your seatbelt." He says with a smirk.  

"Ha ha. Oliver Queen is the funniest man alive." 

He snorts before closing her door and walking to the other side of the car. Like the night before the photogs crowd the car hurdling questions at them as Oliver drives through the exit. 

"I think you were right about the tint." 

"Oliver you will soon realize I'm right about most everything." 

He rolls his eyes, and she starts to fiddle with his radio. 

"There is an etiquette to touching people's radios you know." 

"That only applies to people who's music doesn't have a chance to be played on it." 

"Are you looking for a station playing your music?" He asks laughing. 

"God no, my music is terrible." 

He raises an eyebrow at her but doesn't say anything. She stops the radio on a station when she hears the opening chords for Katy Perry's Firework. 

"Oh God no, Felicity." He's already moving to change the station and she catches his hand. 

"Oliver Queen you cannot tell me you've never felt like a plastic bag, floating through the wind, wanting to start again? " 

"Felicity I can honestly promise you I never have." 

She fights it but he eventually frees his hand from hers pressing the tuner button and the radio lands on an RnB station playing an old 90s Pink song. 

"Okay, I was just joking with Katy, but you actually have to let this play." 

"Felicity!" 

She turns up the radio drowning him out and starts dancing and singing at the top of her lungs. 

 _"I'm_ _not every girl and I don't need that world to validate me_    
_Cause_ _shorty's got a job, shorty's got a car, shorty can pay her own rent_    
_Don't_ _wanna_ _dance if it is not in my heart_  

He totally laughing at her but she doesn't care. Because she genuinely loves this song. She has a dance from childhood she choreographed and everything, and it probably looks ridiculous, but she's doing her best to carry it out from the passenger seat. 

 _Most girls want a man with the mean green_    
_I don't_ _wanna_ _dance if he can't be everything that I dream of_    
_A man that understands real love"_  

A minute or so later, the song ends and she spares him the opening chords to some other love song turning down the radio. 

"So you really like Pink huh?" he asks sarcastically. 

"Oliver, Pink is life. You just got a free show here, be thankful. People usually have to pay for that. I used to dance to that song in the mirror growing up. Plus career wise she's kind of my idol."  

He's still laughing at her a little as they turn into his subdivision making another left the first street in.  

She knows his house immediately by the number of paparazzi camped out awaiting his return. 

"Ugh, your neighbors must be loving you." 

"I actually never even thought about them. I should probably send out an apology or something." 

"Such a Boy Scout." She says as he parks the car. 

The paps start snapping wildly when they see her with him, and she rushes behind him into the house.  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm gonna go ahead and up the chapter rating now. I wasn't sure if it was necessary, or how deep into certain things I wanted to take this at first. But, I've decided I'm going all in! Let me know if you have any thoughts on this development. :D


	8. I Don't Care

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay :D Surprise family visits delayed an update a few days!
> 
> Felicity and Thea
> 
> http://www.polyvore.com/ch8_blackbird/set?id=217584682

"I Don't Care"    
Elle Varner  

I'm gonna lose this game    
I've got no poker face    
I'm not designed for this, this, this    
If I could speak in code    
I wouldn't be so bold    
I can't control my lips, lips, lips    
I've never been so alone    
I tend to be too loud but    
I'm not ashamed of my words    
    
Clearly I'm gone and I'm going    
Into the deep end    
Far over my head    
It's so unfair    
I'm gone and it's showing    
All over my skin    
Everyone knows    
Gone and it shows    
But I don't care    
    
How do you make me smile    
Simply by telling the time    
You got the zealous eyes, eyes, I    
I could just stare all day    
Lay there and melt away    
I'm such a helpless case, case, case    
I've done away with my pride    
They say I'm out of my mind    
Can't even say it's a lie    
    
Clearly I'm gone and I'm going    
Into the deep end    
Far over my head    
It's so unfair    
I'm gone and it's showing    
All over my skin    
Everyone knows    
Gone and it shows    
But I don't care  

 

Oliver's house is both practical and homey, and she decides immediately that she likes it. Especially when an adorable spotted dog runs up to her, nosing around her knees. 

"That’s Jake. He'll do just about anything for a treat, including swap loyalties." He says moving through the house turning on lights as she bends down to greet her new friend. 

"Oh don't listen to that fussy man." she says ruffling his ears as he leans forward pressing his face into her hands. Until he hears Oliver rustle the bag of dog food, immediately dropping her for the food in his bowl. "Guess you are a bit of a fair weather friend aren't you?" 

Oliver laughs and she stands to follow him, surveying the rest of the house. There's a stack of newspapers on the bar counter, a bookcase filled with awards and trophies and a ton of books. She runs her fingers over the spines eyeing the authors; Tolstoy, Obama, Rawls. 

"Your bookshelf is very intense. It's kind of intimidating. I was sure there were gonna be a buttload of Harlequin novels over here." 

"I keep those on my tablet." He quips, handing her a bottle of water popping open his beer before going to sit on the couch in the living room. She continues around the apartment. His service belt is draped over a bar stool, and more books litter the counters of the kitchen. There are a ton of post its with quotes written on them on the steel refrigerator.  

 _If you_ _cannot_ _do great things, do small things in a great way._  

 _I_ _f you are not apart of the_ _solut_ _ion_ _, you are part of the problem._  

 _M_ _an is free the instance he wants to be._  

"This is what you meant when you said you were big on quotes?" 

He nods and she moves on to the living room where pictures litter the walls.  

Oliver and Tommy graduating from the police academy flanked by a couple she assumes to be his parents, a young woman with her arms around his shoulders, Oliver holding a beautiful baby looking both thoroughly overjoyed and terrified. Oliver with Tommy and another beautiful young woman she assumes is Tommy's wife.  

"These pictures are awesome. I don’t think we've ever hung family photos anywhere we lived." 

"I don't think I've ever heard you talk about your family. I've met your mom but is there anyone else?" 

She flops on the chair next to him, tucking her feet under herself. 

"Nope just us two since I was nine. My mom got pregnant young and her family disapproved. I get the impression my dad came from money, but I don't actually remember much about him except his taste in music. He was in a band, took off with them. I think I remind my mother of him a lot which is why she tries to change everything about me she can." 

Oliver rests a hand on her thigh and she threads her fingers through it. 

"How about you Boy Scout, any tragic back story I need to be aware of?" 

He smiles sheepishly. "Not really. My childhood was pretty normal, I come from a family of cops so it was mostly your average middle class American family. My parents worked too much. My dad was  SCPD's Captain for twenty years. Mom's been Sergeant for nearly as long. I have a baby sister, Thea, she's a cop as well." 

"So that’s why you became a cop? Trying on daddy's shoes?" 

He smiles at her leaning his head back into the sofa chair.  "It's all apart of the plan." 

"The plan?" 

"Political science major, law enforcement, then politics." 

"I don't see how you can do it everyday. The cop thing." 

"Normal's different for everybody." He says with a shrug. 

"I guess." Her tone is disbelieving and he raises an eyebrow at her. 

"You do realize we had to fight  to pull into the driveway five minutes ago?" 

"I'm not the one jumping in front of bullets." 

"It doesn't exactly work like that." He says with a snort. "I just want to be somebody who makes a difference, you know?" 

This is what she loves about Oliver. His instinct to give, to help, it's second nature. No ulterior motives or underhandedness. Just selflessness. She takes the hand she's holding and drapes his arm around her neck, snuggling into the side of his chest. 

"Well, fair warning, I'm gonna be calling you about everything." 

"Oh really?" She can feel a laugh rumbling in his chest. 

She nods her head seriously. "Oh yes, the pothole in front of my house. Parking tickets! You're gonna be so sick of me." 

"You might just get your feelings hurt." 

She looks up in disbelief, raising an eyebrow at him. "You can't say no to me." 

"Try me." He responds confidently. 

"Kiss me." She challenges.  

"No." His tone resolute. 

A moment passes, and he's just looking at her and she's looking back agape because this fucker is seriously not going to kiss her and she can't believe it.  

Then he suddenly leans down and captures her lips and it's nothing like the kiss they shared last night. There isn't any hesitation for one, just lips and teeth. He tastes like beer and cinnamon and it’s the best fucking thing in the world. His mouth is perfect.  

His kiss trails down the line of her jaw before accosting her neck and Felicity lifts a leg to straddle his lap.  He lets out a laugh, one hand tracing her kneecap sliding up and down her thigh, the other wrapping around her waist. His lips find hers again and a whimper escapes from her when she feels his thumb sliding across the skin at the small of her back. Felicity's fingers tug at the hair at the nape of his neck, pulling his head back so she can study him. His eyes are half-lidded and she tries to memorize every inch of his face. She slides her hands down to cup his cheeks, the stubble prickling at her palms making her think of other places she'd like to feel it.  

She teases her lips across his, a breathless grin breaking on her face. 

"Told you so." 

 

>\-------> 

 

Oliver is pretty sure his brain is a little fried. Felicity's lips softly continue to peck at his, through her laughter. He decides that he'd lose this fight a hundred times if he this was where it got him. 

A rumble comes from her stomach and she dissolves into giggles again before sliding off him to lay out on the couch. Her leg is still draped over his lap and he traces circles around her ankle. 

"So do you plan on feeding me tonight or what?" 

He stands dropping her leg back on to the couch before heading to the kitchen. 

"I haven't dropped by the store in a while, I'm really not sure what's in here" 

There's not much in the way of dinner but there's a ton of breakfast stuff. "How do you feel about breakfast for dinner?" 

"I feel like you just became my favorite person in the world." She says coming to sit at the breakfast bar. 

He laughs at her before pulling the ingredients from the fridge and cabinets. 

"I'm open to helping you but, full disclosure, I am probably the worst cook this side of the Mississippi." 

"I feel like you're just saying that to get out of pancake duty." 

"Oliver I am serious, I will stir the hell out of some pancake batter for you and claim dish duty, but I refuse to touch the stove. I am looking out for your safety here more than anything." 

An hour later and they're both at the breakfast bar, and he's staring amazed at the amount of syrup and butter she's loaded on to the pancakes. 

"This is a judgment free zone Oliver." She says moaning as she shovels a bite into her mouth. The sound makes his stomach jump and he switches focus to his own food. "This is why my mom doesn't like you. You feed me. She can probably smell the carbs on my breath when I come home."  

"You know, you're a little ridiculous Felicity Smoak." She laughs around a strip of bacon before leaning in for a sugary kiss. 

"Yeah, but you like it." 

"I think that I do." 

 

After they finish eating and cleaning, Felicity heads to the bathroom while he scrolls through his DVR for something to watch. To his surprise there's a knock at the door. 

He half expects Rene to be on the other side of the door coming to steal Felicity away at her mother's, request but it turns out to be Thea with a bag of takeout.  

She pushes the food into his arms, already walking in and removing her jacket. "All of our friends are with their significant others tonight so I decided we could be single as fuck together. " 

"Actually-" 

"I got Thai food from that place you and Laurel love, and the playoffs start tonight. And why is your lawn still crowded with  reporters? Have they not realized how boring you are yet?" 

"Hey Oliver, what are the chances you have ice cream in the free...zer?" The surprise on Felicity's face is damn near comical.  

"Oh. My. God."  

"Thea." 

"Hi." 

"Oh! My! God! You're Felicity Smoak!" 

"Felicity, this is my sister, Thea." 

"Why is Felicity Smoak in your house?" Thea stage whispers. 

"Oliver has been kidnapping me a lot lately, luring me with the promise of carbohydrates and sugar." 

"Once again, I really think I'm the one with the kidnapping case." 

"Is this banter? You and Felicity Smoak banter!" 

"Just Felicity, is fine."  

Thea's eyes are wide, shifting between Felicity and himself. Felicity's seems a little freaked out and Oliver is just waiting for his sister to get herself together and start acting like a normal human again. 

She closes her eyes for a second taking a breath. "Okay,  I'm just going to start this whole thing over." Thea says calmly."Hi, my name is Thea, I'm Oliver's sister. Nice to meet you Felicity Smoak." 

"Seriously, just Felicity's fine." She says with a smile holding out her hand for a shake. 

"Felicity." 

"I'm glad you recovered quickly, that was getting embarrassing." Oliver tells her and Thea throws a couch cushion at him. 

"I'm sorry, but no one let me know I should expect to meet superstars in your living room Oliver." 

"That’s probably something calling would help clarify." 

"Oh, like you ever check that phone. I would have had to leave a message on your antique answering machine first." 

"You have an answering machine?" Felicity's nose is scrunched up in distaste. 

"They're reliable." He responds defensively. 

"My  brother is basically a crotchety old man." 

Felicity laughs softly leaning into his side a little, causing Thea to raise an eyebrow. 

"So what's going on here, did you guys have plans tonight or something." 

"I was looking for something to watch on Netflix." 

"Am I interrupting a Netflix and chill moment?" Thea snorts. 

"Yes." He says as Felicity rushes out a "No." Her face coloring as she shakes her head. 

Thea's brow knits but her smile spreads. 

"You don't know what Netflix and chill means do you Oliver?" 

 _Apparently not._  

"I'm going to spare you and just tell you to google it later old man." 

"We're really going to have to work on your knowledge of pop culture Oliver." Felicity says shaking her head in disappointment. 

"I'll add it to the list." He says going to sit next to his sister on the couch pulling Felicity along. "Pop culture and window tint." 

Thea scoots down, still eyeing them in disbelief. "So, is this like a thing?" 

"Seriously Thea?" 

"Fine, fine! I won't press. I’ll just ignore the elephant in the room." 

"Am I the elephant? I feel like I'm the elephant." 

"You're not an elephant Felicity." 

"But you kind of are though." 

Felicity laughs at Thea, seeming to find this whole thing funny. "Oliver and I are friends. He's a very nice guy." 

"He's okay." 

"I think I'm ready to be an only child again." 

"What! I mean come on! You're a brooder Oliver." 

"You are a bit of a brooder." Felicity says nodding her head in agreeance.  

"I regret so many of the choices that led me to this moment." He says scanning through his Netflix queue. 

"I regret letting you handle the remote. " Thea quips snatching it from his hand. "You were probably about to pull up The Sound of Music or something." 

He glares at her and Felicity, the traitor, laughs again. "I think I'm really gonna like your sister Oliver. " 

Thea settles on Horrible Bosses, and then goes to the kitchen to grab a plate.  

"Felicity and I already ate Speedy." 

"But, we can be swayed depending on what's in the bag." Felicity says, hopping up to follow her into the kitchen. 

"Thai. From that place in the Glades." 

"Oooh Monsoon! Did you get those doughnuts? I could eat a doughnut." 

"Do I look like an amateur? Of course I got the doughnuts."Thea responds handing Felicity a box. 

"Yessss. Thea you are quickly approaching favorite Queen territory." 

"I made you pancakes! Like not even a full hour ago!" 

"You're right, Oliver you will always be my favorite Queen." She responds, laying a kiss on his cheek before flopping next to him on the couch.  

"Okay. so I have to ask celebrity questions."

"You're the actual worst."He tells her, Felicity's melodic laugh ringing in his ears.

"Shoot."

"Favorite musician." She says stepping over his legs on the coffee table, coming to sit next to him on the couch.

"I'm in the music industry, I'm gonna need you to be more specific." Felicity says, stuffing a doughnut into her mouth.

He has no idea where she's putting all this food.

"If you could only listen to one album the rest of your life, whose would it be?"

"Uhh, I wanna say Nina Simone?" Thea's eyes shoot up at that, and he can't say he's unsurprised himself. "My dad was kind of obsessed, it rubbed off."

"Hmm, unexpected, i like it." Thea says nodding her head in approval. "Anyone alive?"

"It changes frequently, there's so much stuff. I'm really into Miguel's music at the minute? Maybe The Black Keys or Labrinth."

"Favorite celebrities you have and haven't met?"

"Jason Momoa left me starstruck. Yes, he's that attractive in person, I took a picture with him at an event two years ago and it's literally still in my phone. I'm dying for the next Justice League film. And I haven't met either of them yet, but I regularly stalk Chrissy Teigen and John Legend on social media."

"No judgement, I'm guilty of it too."

They continue on that way for a while, and Oliver is over the moon that two of his favorite women in the world seem to get along so well. He's still expecting his own interrogation from Thea within the next 24 hours.

 

Felicity falls asleep sometime during the sequel for the movie.  Her head resting on his shoulder, close enough to hear her soft snores.  

Thea looks over at the both of them for a moment, face pinched in consternation.  

"Oliver are you sure this is a good idea?" 

"Is what a good idea?" 

"This... thing you've got going on with Felicity. She seems like a nice girl but I know you, and how you get when you like someone. And you like her.  _A lot._ " 

"Whatever Felicity and I have is mutual. And not really any of your business" He responds a little short. 

"Hey, I'm not harping on you okay. I'm not mom, I don't want to make decisions for you. I just want to make sure you know what you're getting into. She seems like she's got a lot going on right now." 

Oliver signs. He's really got to get his temper in check when it comes to defending Felicity. "Sorry Speedy. I didn’t meant to snap at you. I do like her. And, I appreciate your concern, but we're good right now. We're just kind of seeing where everything goes." 

It's the truth, even if he kind of undersold how much he already cares for Felicity. And knowing his sister she probably knows it. Thankfully, she doesn’t comment on it. 

"Okay. I just want you to be smart big bro." She says standing. "I'm gonna head out, it's been a pleasure hanging with you and famous lady friend." 

Oliver rolls his eyes at her but stands to follow her to the door. Laying Felicity down gently on the couch.  

"I'm on duty tomorrow so I won't be at your snooze fest tomorrow night, but try not to skip out early this time." 

"Sure thing, I'll make sure to take your advice on all accounts." He says hugging her before opening the door to let her out. The photographers start snapping as soon as the door opens. 

"Guess you're not quite as boring as I thought you were, huh." 

 

Locking the door and heading back inside Oliver cleans up after Hurricane Thea, putting the leftovers in the fridge, and dishes in the dishwasher. Felicity is still knocked out so he carries her to his bedroom. He wants to lay beside her, wrap an arm around while she sleeps, wake up to her morning breath. And he's pretty sure she would be okay with at least the first two things on that list. But they've never discussed it and he doesn't want to accidentally cross any boundaries. 

He takes a shower and spends the entire time deliberating on what etiquette calls for in this situation.  

He ends up playing it safe and taking up residence on the couch.  

A half hour later he feels Felicity's body slipping between his own and the side of the couch. She rests her head on his chest and wraps her arm around his middle. It's a tight fit, the both of them on his sofa chair. But her body is soft and warm and he can’t bring himself to move either. So he lets his arm sit across her lower back and goes back to sleep. 

 

 


	9. Lights and Camera

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, heads up there's been a rating upgrade since the last chapter.
> 
>  
> 
> Felicity  
> http://www.polyvore.com/blackbird_felicity/set?id=217830331
> 
> Photoshoot  
> http://www.polyvore.com/blackbird_ch8/set?id=217830273
> 
> Donna  
> http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=217014506
> 
> Y'all I struggled with the aesthetic for the photoshoot so much. I ended up deciding to go into a different direction with the shoot after I'd finished with this one. I couldn't really get it to do what I wanted, and it was getting way too time consuming so I just started over and I like the other one much better.
> 
> Anyway thanks again for reading as always, you guys are so awesome :D

Lights And Camera   
Yuna   
 

Lights   
Camera   
Struck a pose   
Yeah, someone help you   
Lipstick on   
Yeah   
High heels now you're   
Six feet tall   
And everybody knows   
Who you are   
   
And nobody cares   
If your heart is aching   
Nobody cares   
If you're wanting more   
   
Nobody wants to know   
You cried the night before   
   
Vaster your dreams and your hopes   
Into it   
Everything you used to know   
Is gone   
And you're slipping into, in your role   
   
Trying not to lose yourself   
   
Cause these lights won't kill me now   
Saying these clothes won't change me now   
Saying these words won't scare me now   
Saying I will be myself   
I will be myself   
   
Friendly people   
All around   
And time to put   
Your best face on   
Yeah   
Smiling like there's   
Nothing wrong   
Though deep down you feel   
So alone   
   
Nobody sees who you are inside   
Nobody knows that you're so much more   
Nobody needs to know   
You're tired of putting a show   
   
Vaster your dreams and your hopes   
Into it   
Everything you used to know   
Is gone   
And you're slipping into, in your role   
   
Trying not to lose yourself   
   
Saying these lights won't kill me now   
Saying these clothes won't change me now   
Saying these words won't scare me now   
Saying I will be myself   
   
Nobody cares   
If your heart is aching   
Nobody cares   
If you wanting more   
   
Nobody wants to know   
Nobody cares at all   
   
Saying these lights won't kill me now   
Saying these clothes won't change me now   
Saying these words won't scare me now   
Saying I will be myself 

I want to be myself   
I want to be myself   
I want to be myself 

 

Felicity wakes the next morning to the shrill tones of her phone going off. She should probably get up but she's pretty sure there isn’t anything that could get her to move from this spot. Snuggled on to the too small sofa with Oliver's warm body providing more heat than the blanket.  

"Felicity." She hears him grumble. 

"Shh. It'll go off by itself in a second." 

It can't be past eight and she knows for a fact there isn’t anything on the agenda today but that shoot with James, and it's going to stay that way. 

She feels his breaths deepen again and knows he's fallen back asleep. She follows quickly behind him. 

 

The next time she wakes up, it's because Oliver's shifting under her. She disappointed thinking he's about to get up from their cozy spot on the sofa and pop the bubble, but realizes he's not moving to get up so much as shifting her away. Which is also when she notices what is most definitely morning wood pressing into her thigh. Very impressive morning wood she might add. She's pretty sure this is a regular occurrence for guys in the morning, but is still taking credit for being the cause of it, a small smile fighting across her face.  

"Stop moving Oliver." 

"Uhh, I..." 

"S'okay. It's kinda nice." She mumbles, pressing her leg into him a little.  

 _A little more than_ _kinda nice to be honest_ _._  

"Felicity." He grunts out, his voice a little strained which pleases her.  

She opens her eyes, lifting her head to see him. His eyes are still closed, brows furrowed, hair a little messy. It's a good look on him. She slides the arm she has around his waist up to his neck, following her hand with kisses to his shoulder, trailing up to his chin. His grip tightens on her waist and she can feel desire bubbling in her belly. 

She trails her lips to his ear, taking a bite, causing him to groan a little louder than he had before. A hand travels up her leg, stopping when it comes to the edge of her underwear. 

"God Felicity, what happened to your shorts? Is this mine?" 

"Did you expect me to sleep in denim shorts and a sweatshirt? I'm a celebrity Oliver." 

He lets out a breathless laugh, before pulling her mouth to his. there's a touch of morning breath, but he tastes as good as he did the night before.  

She lets out a groan of her own when she feels him twitch in his pants. There's so little between them, underwear and t-shirts, scraps really.  

Oliver sits up, hands moving under her shirt to her back. Grabbing her ass a little, peppering demanding kisses along her jaw, down her neck. She grinds into him, pulling his face back up to hers for a rough kiss. A kiss that tastes like want. Need spreads from her belly to every part of her, making her body feel like jelly. He's pressing himself up into her forcing a whimper from her lips. 

"Fuck, Felicity." She breaks apart from him, reaching down to pull his shirt off. Exploring his very,  _very_ impressive chest with her fingertips. His hands tease the bottom of the shirt. Asking for permission to lift it. 

Permission she wants to grant, she's pretty sure nothing has ever felt as good as Oliver's fingers roaming her body. But she pulls her lips away from his, resting her forehead against his.  

"Are you okay?" His voice husky, breaths coming as heavy as her own. 

"Better than okay." She responds, pulling a breathy laugh from him. "I just... I think we should probably pace ourselves a little." 

He pulls his face away to look at her, and she imagines she looks quite the picture. Swollen lips, hair a lost cause, eyes probably a little desperate. He moves to lift her and she pulls his arms back up to her waist. 

"I want to slow down, not stop." She says pressing her lips back to his. He reciprocates, but she can tell he's holding back. "Oliver..." 

"I just don’t want to make you uncomfortable." 

"I promise to let you know if you do. But I like kissing you. And I like touching you. And I like you touching me. A lot." He laughs again and then his lips are back on hers, thumbs at her hips, chasing the lace of her panties again. 

A particularly rough movement on her part lines up perfectly and her teeth dig into his bottom lip. Staking a claim. _Mine._

It revs an already ruffled Oliver up and the next thing she knows her back is pressed into the sofa and Oliver is hovering over her trapping her between his arms, lips nipping at her neck again. "You good?"

"So good. Really fucking good. Good is an understatement of immense proportions." She feels the breath from his chortle tickle at her before he moves his mouth down to her exposed collarbone.

It feels amazing but Felicity misses the feeling of his hips pressing into hers so she pulls her legs up from his sides to wrap around his waist. The grunt he lets out is really fucking hot so she makes sure to keep her hips rotating against him. 

"What happened to slow?" He whispers into her skin. Lips on her sternum.

"I think this is about as slow as I'm gonna be able to manage." His lips are dangerously close to the curve of her breast. One tiny movement and his shirt would probably shift exposing her. But Oliver lifts his head from her chest to look at her again.

"I think I'm going to need explicit instruction on how far you want this to go." She's still pushing herself up into him and she can feel the restraint in his back. 

"What are the chances you could get me off without your mouth or fingers?" She blurts and Oliver's eyes widen comically before darkening. She'd be embarrassed but his reaction is ridiculously fucking hot and she can't really bring herself to feel anything but excitement.

His eyes search her face, a sultry smirk spreading across his face. Felicity bites her lip. His eyes dart down to her mouth, hand raising to trace her lip before prying it from her teeth. 

Then he's sucking at her teeth and thrusting his hips against hers and Felicity think she might pass out from it all. She can feel him straining against his underwear, pressed as close to her as humanly possible. There's no way he can't feel her soaked through her own.

Felicity finds herself matching her hips rotation to his movements and Oliver groans out loud. The sound sends a thrill through her body. He moves a hand down to grip her ass again, pushing her up into him and there's a moment when he grinds and it hits a spot so right she can't help but to gasp his name. Oliver takes this cue to repeat the motion over and over and over again and she feels herself getting closer than she should be this quickly from dry humping like a couple of teenagers.

"I want to kiss every inch of you." He moans into her ear. 

"Holy fuck Oliver."

Their hips continue undulating against each other, Oliver whispering dirty things in her ear until she can feel her body clenching. 

"Felicity..." he groans into her mouth. She can feel herself getting closer and closer and then she's coming silently. Her insides clutching at emptiness as she rocks her hips up and Oliver pulls his mouth to hers again. She can taste every one of his grunts as he rotates into her in the best ways. She hears him choke out her name before stilling against her. 

Her body feels a little weightless but she manages to wrap her arms around his neck as the weight of his body engulfs her. Oliver tries to lift his body from hers, but she uses the little strength left in her legs to keep him where her is. "Well that was nice." She says through a smile.

His head is resting on her chest and she finds herself carding her fingers through his short hair. "Understatement of immense proportions." 

 

A few minutes later Oliver's in the shower again and Felicity is still thoroughly amazed at her own self-control. She'd give anything to be full on knocking boots with Oliver right now, but she wants to wait until she no longer has any ties with Chase. They didn't have the most conventional relationship but it still seems like the right thing to do. Her relationship with Oliver has progressed so quickly, when they're finally together she doesn't want anything marring it. Least of all her phony tabloid relationship with Chase Cain.  

"I believe these are yours." Oliver says coming from his room with her shorts and cell in hand. He's wrapped in nothing but a towel and Felicity has to physically restrain herself from snatching it from around his waist. There's a faint blush on his cheeks and she shakes her head at him. 

"Such a Boy Scout." He rolls his eyes and heads back to the room to change for the day and she's left alone with Jake. He runs up to her hopping on the couch to lay his head in her lap. 

"Yeah, yeah, don’t try and butter me up now. I don't have any snacks for you." She says stroking his back. 

She checks her phone while she waits, noting the missed call and messages from her mother, immediately passing on returning the phone call. Deciding to check social media for the first time since the incident, she logs on to twitter and immediately wishes she hadn't. 

There are hashtags just like she thought there'd be. One for Oliver, #OfficerFriendly, which makes her laugh scrolling through the memes of his handsome angry face. And another, #DamnFelicity for her. Those are a lot less funny. 

 

 

 

 

> **#damnfelicty if i had a voice like hers i'd jump off a building too.**
> 
> **#damnfelicity I wonder if @ChaseCain knows she's fucking the mall cop?**
> 
> **#damnfelicity is a fat ass away from being anorexic anyway #kanyeshrug**
> 
> **#damnfelicity yall are a bunch of assholes, no wonder the girl tried to kill herself.**
> 
> **#damnfelicity #ohmygodwhothehellcares**
> 
> **#damnfelicity lmfao these bitches will do anything for some press smh**

 

On top of being embarrassing, they're also insulting as hell. They also manage to pop her Oliver bubble putting her in a funk. She quickly logs out tossing her phone into her bag when Oliver comes back into the room. He stops short when he sees her. 

"Are you okay?" He asks, worry in his voice. 

"Yeah, I'm fine.." She tells him, shaking off his concern. "Ventured online. The internet has some less than savory opinions about me at the moment." 

He winces, taking her hand and placing a kiss on her palm.  

"I bet I could improve your mood a little." The smile spreads quickly and she allows him to pull her up from the sofa into another kiss.  

She pulls away before they get too worked up again, feeling a little lighter. "Come on Casanova, we should get to the hotel before my mother pops a blood vessel." 

 

When they arrive at the hotel her mother is nowhere to be found. She should probably phone her but she's dreading the conversation, so she postpones it until after she changes. 

Oliver's shirt is still on under the hoodie, and she has zero plans to return it. 

She makes quick work of her shower knowing Oliver is waiting in the other room. She's really not looking forward to this photo shoot today, but she's glad he's gonna be there with her. 

She's been dreading having to do it, but since her mother isn’t home she figures she should probably figure out what exactly is going on. She wraps a towel around herself before sitting on the edge of the tub, scrolling to Donna's contact to call. She answers on the first ring. 

"I called you this morning." 

"I know, that’s why I'm returning your call." 

"I'm on site with Jesse, we needed you here a half hour ago. The shoot started at nine." She says the words calmly but Felicity can tell even through the phone her mother is fuming. 

"Why didn't anyone tell me you guys moved up the time for the shoot by two hours?" 

"You'd have known if you'd bothered to come home last night." Her voice is snide and judgmental. Felicity is so tired of being coddled and handled should could scream.

"Mother, I am a fully grown adult. I don't need a lecture on curfews. We're at the hotel now, I'll just change and be on the way." 

"I don't know where this irresponsibility is coming from Felicity, but I need you to nix it now. Do you not realize how much is riding on this week? You are at risk of being dropped from the label! Why in God's name would you choose now to start the acting out pop star bit? You're gonna end up losing everything we've worked for." 

"I haven't done anything! I've showed up to every scheduled interview and appearance on time my entire career, this week included, and you're ragging on me for being thirty minutes late to a photo shoot the photographer randomly rescheduled?" 

"Felicity it's not just this, you've been making bad decisions since the night of the Billboards and you know it. Not to mention this thing with Officer Queen, I've warned you countless times what this was doing to your image, and you don't care. Do you know the internet is saying you're cheating on Chase now?" 

"I'm going to deal with Chase soon." As soon as he gets back from Miami she's ending things. She'd do it over the phone, but she's not that much of an asshole. Chase has for the most part only been nice to her, insensitive and oblivious maybe, but never mean or disrespectful. As far as fake relationships go he's been okay. 

"You're going to break it off with Chase? Felicity that’s not what I'm telling you to-" 

"I don’t care! I don’t care, okay. I like Oliver. I don’t need you breathing down my neck about it. I know how to do my job and I can maintain my own relationships without your approval." 

Donna is silent on the line. "You know what, Felicity fine. If you want to ruin your career over some guy you just met, apparently I can’t stop you. Just make sure you're at the shoot within the next half hour." She says before hanging up.  

"Will do." Felicity says to no one.  A part of her feels bad. She knows how much her mother has sacrificed and invested in her. 

_She never let's you forget it._

She's never been so short with her, or flagrant in disregarding her wishes. But Felicity has made sacrifices too. She's put everything she is into this dream. She's never asked for anything. Never said no to anything asked of her. She's taking this.

Heading back into the room to change, she realizes she has the rare opportunity to dress herself. Felicity can't say she's ever been a fan of her wardrobe. Everything is either too short, or too low cut, or sheer, or shiny, or all the above. She's still upset about the golden monstrosity she knows her mother is responsible for during the press conference.  _Sara and Sin_ _would have never chosen that for_ _me_ _._  

She goes for comfort over style for once, with a pair of jeans and a bright yellow top. She also goes for flats over stilettos since no one is here to stop her.  

Dumping her things into a new bag, she heads back out to Oliver waiting in the living room. She's been feeling a little anxious since they left his apartment, but just seeing him helps alleviate a bit of that stress. 

"My mother is as angry as we expected." 

He smiles, holding his hand out to her. "I don’t think I've ever seen your mother not angry so I can’t really say this is news to me." 

She snorts as they head to the door to leave. "Well she is fast approaching super saiyan, we should probably hurry." 

 

>\------> 

 

Rene drives them to the photoshoot. Felicity says these things tend to be hectic in general and given the presses added interest in her at the moment, her people are playing it safe. 

While in the car he sends texts out to his mother, Laurel, and Digg confirming their dinner plans, making sure everyone would make it.  

Pulling up to the venue he realizes they were right to take the precautions. There's a sea of paparazzi between the car and the entrance, and unlike previous times they've been around there isn't any distance between them.  

When they get out the car, he and Rene are the only thing between Felicity and the reporters. They're yelling and pushing and the whole thing is insane, but they reach the entrance rather quickly. Felicity seems anxious but otherwise unbothered and he wonders again how the hell she can deal with that everyday, everywhere she goes. 

He's a little worried about her. She's been on pins and needles since she'd checked her phone at his place this morning. Times like this, Oliver was glad he doesn’t have any social media accounts, regardless of how his family teased him for it. 

 _"Oliver even mom has a_ _F_ _acebook_ _page, come on!"_  

He also thinks she may have had an argument with her mother over the phone when she went to change. He's done his best to lift her spirits this morning, but he also knows Felicity has some issues that are gonna take some time to fix. Especially if she isn't doing anything to change her environment.  

"Felicity! Oh Felicity, you're radiant as ever!" A short and wide man with wild eyes and even wilder hair calls out. Stubby legs carrying him deceptively quick.

"James!" She cries out, face an amusing mixture of grimace and smile. 

"You my dear, are tardy!" 

"I know, there were some wires crossed with the scheduling."  

"I guess I could let it slide this time, is this your new beau?" He says placing an arm on Oliver's shoulder. It makes him a little uncomfortable, but he imagines it'd be rude to just shake the man's hand off.  

"Something like that? Uh, what's going on with all this here?"  

She points to the pile of discarded props to distract the man, wrapping an arm around his pulling him away. There's an old trailer and a rusty truck, lost in a sea of multicolored silk flowers. Bright and beat up lawn furniture and what appears to be broken electronics all piled up to the side of the room. 

"Oh darling this was your photoshoot! My vision was trailer park chic! It was going to be wonderful." Felicity's eyebrows shoot up at that darting to her mother who just shrugs an arm, appearing as worn with James's eccentricity as the rest of them. 

"If that was the shoot then why is it all being trashed?" 

"Oh because I was inspired by your brush with death!" He feels Felicity freeze next to him, eyes wide. "It's why I pushed back the shoot, so I could regroup. Everything about Felicity Smoak has always been bright and bubbly and fun, until now. The shadow of death looming over you child, and we are going to dance with it!" He sways, dancing to imaginary music.

He pulls Felicity away to the area that is actually set up for the photoshoot, it's dripping with pink glitter and black flowers. 

"This idea that you're suicidal darling, I can't tell you how inspiring it all is. Think _pink punk_ honey. You against this bright and glittering background, dressed in this edgy gothic look. God, the contrast will be epic!" The man lets out an honest to God squeal at his words. 

Donna who's been shaking her head the entire time steps forward. "Jesse I'm really not liking this, Felicity didn't try and kill herself, we've been doing everything we can to flip the narrative on this, why would you want to highlight it?" 

He waves a hand dramatically in the air brushing her off. "This is my vision. Mystery is sexy. Crazy is sexy. We already know happy Felicity, I want darkness, grit, sex. I want you drowning in a sea of joy while dying inside. I want to peak the curiosity of someone who could care less about the magazine you're in, just by looking at the cover. No, no, this is going to be amazing. Embrace the darkness Felicity." 

"I don’t like this, this is a complete rebranding of her image. I'm calling the label about this." Donna huffs shaking her head and leaving to make a call. 

But Felicity, who has been uncharacteristically quiet this entire time stops her. "Wait mom... It's fine. We already know what they're going to say, let's just get it over with." 

"Felicity, after everything we're doing to make people forget what happened, this is ridiculous. It's a step in the wrong direction. I'm calling the label." 

"I said it's fine. Weren't you upset I was being difficult earlier? This is me simplifying things. Everything's an opportunity right?" She says already stalking away to the makeup area.  

"Marvelous." Jesse says clapping after her. 

Oliver hands itch to punch something. This man is exploiting what is probably the lowest moment of Felicity's life to sell magazines, and no one, not even her mother is putting a stop to it. Donna knows the truth about what happened, and her primary concern is what this what the pictures will do to Felicity's career. Not how an afternoon capitalizing on her suicide attempt could negatively impact her daughter. He can't believe Felicity just rolled over and let it happen either. He'd say something himself but he knows it's not his place. This is Felicity's career. Her job. Regardless of how he feels, he knows he has to respect her and her decisions in this environment as a guest. He can’t believe Donna didn’t fight harder to get this entire thing thrown out though, when it clearly bothered Felicity as much as it did. Does she honestly believe the lies they've been selling the press? Is that why she didn’t insist on Felicity getting help? 

He goes to sit in area near where Felicity is getting ready. There's a man on both her hands, removing the bright green nail polish, attaching long, sharp, dark nails to each of her slim fingers, while the woman he now knows as Sin works on her hair. The blonde, Sara, is spreading something shimmery over her body. It's a symphony of tugging and pulling, and Felicity is at the center, eyes closed. She seems resigned and he wants nothing more than to pick her up and run out of here.  

Before long she's changing and he's making sure to look everywhere but at her. Resolving that the first time he sees her won't be in a changing room with five other people. 

 

The photoshoot is actually not as bad as he thought it'd be once it starts. Jesse was right about the contrast. She's sprawled over a bright pink Cadillac Coupe de'Ville, ironically wearing more clothes than he thinks he's ever seen her in between the fur coat and the pants. And it's like she's a completely different person when the camera starts snapping, like a light switch has been flipped. He doesn't have an artistic bone in his body but he can tell that the photos he's taking are going to be amazing. If it wasn't totally taking advantage of Felicity's pain he'd probably think the whole thing was kind of cool.  

"Are you getting full body as well?" Donna asks. 

"I am getting full body as well." Jesse says, a smile on his face that once again makes Oliver consider punching him in the mouth. But Donna says nothing, as the camera keeps clicking, Felicity still in her own world.  "Can you arch your back a little bit?" 

Felicity's rolls her body and she's hanging precariously over the side of the car. When her head falls back her eyes find his, and as empty as they were before, they light up a bit and she gives him an awkward smile given her position. He smiles back, his mind drawing a blank on whatever he was thinking before. 

"Eyes back over here." Jesse calls out and her smile falls, and she's back in her own little world. "Alright that one's foxy." Jesse snaps away, yelling out instructions, which Felicity follows without hesitation. "Alright, I need a wardrobe change, and someone get this car out of here for the next scene." 

Felicity heads back to the wardrobe area, returning quickly in a large dark flannel, shorts, and a pair of insanely high boots that come up her thighs. He can tell her walls are back up and it's like she's mentally checked out of the situation. 

"I'm gonna need you in the chair darling." She straddles the chair and the process starts up again. 

The more he's around her the more he notices how uncomfortable she is with so many aspects of her career, from the clothes she wears to the actual music she's singing. In all honesty, Oliver isn't a fan of Felicity's music, but he can't imagine how she ends up making music she doesn’t like herself. It's all strange to him, every time he looks at her, he sees a strength in Felicity waiting to be taken advantage of, even in her sadness and vulnerability. He wonders how no one else can see it. How she can't see it herself. 

"That’s it! Beautiful darling, raise that shoulder a bit." Felicity takes the direction but Jesse seems frustrated with whatever he's getting in the pictures when he flicks through them.  "Actually, you know what? I want more vulnerability. I wanna see _you_ Felicity. Yeah, let's lose the shirt. Son, can you go grab the flannel?" 

Felicity hesitates for a moment, eyes darting to Donna. He realizes she's asking for her approval. Donna just nods her head as if impatient, hand moving as if to say 'hurry up', and Felicity removes the shirt. 

_What the fuck._

Oliver has never been more confused in his life. 

"That's right! Yes, yes, that'll look gorgeous." 

"Axel? Can you hurry up and get it?" Donna says when the boy takes too long ogling Felicity to actually do his job. She doesn't look in his direction, still covering herself with her arms. "Thank you." She says sitting back into her chair. 

"Thank you, perfect Felicity. Angle your body a little toward me. There we go. That's it." 

Oliver is seriously bewildered. They are literally in a room of at least twenty-five people all of them whooping and hollering cheering the whole thing on. Her mother standing by with a smile, almost proud. Felicity's hands and arms are placed strategically to cover herself and Oliver can see nothing but discomfort on her face, but the crowd and Jesse egg her on still. 

 _Whoo!_  

 _Go, Felicity!_  

"Perfect! This... this is it! That's the cover!"  He exclaims snapping away.  "That’s all darling, I have everything I need. You've been exceptional as always." 

Felicity nods and stands arms wrapped around her body, heading back to wardrobe.  

Oliver literally cannot believe that everyone in the room thinks what just happened was okay. He thinks he understands now more than he had before what led Felicity to that rooftop.  

She emerges pretty quickly, bypassing her mother who is gushing over the photos with Jesse, heading toward him grabbing his hand and heading to the exit without a word.  

Rene runs quickly to get ahead of them opening the door to the press still waiting outside. 

 _Are you an item?_  

 _How does_ _Chase feel_ _about this?_  

 _Felicity! C_ _ome on. Right here!_  

They rush to the SUV, Felicity climbing in first, Oliver right behind her slamming the door. 

Her eyes are closed behind her sunglasses and her breathing is heavy, her chest heaving as she takes in air. 

Words have never come easily to him. And he's so angry and this entire thing is so outside of his realm of understanding, he knows he'd never be able to find words to help her. So he places his hand on her knee, palm up, and waits for her to take it. She threads her fingers through his quickly, squeezing tighter than her small hands should be capable of. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Constructive criticism is always nice, as are comments in general. Let me know what you're thinking :D


	10. Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Felicity  
> https://www.polyvore.com/blackbird_felicity/set?id=217830331  
>    
> Felicity, Sara, Sin  
> https://www.polyvore.com/blackbird_ch_10-11/set?id=218791382

Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood 

Nina Simone 

Baby, do you understand me now?   
Sometimes I feel a little mad   
But don't you know that no one alive can always be an angel   
When things go wrong I feel real bad. 

I'm just a soul whose intentions are good   
Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood 

Baby, sometimes I'm so carefree   
With a joy that's hard to hide   
And sometimes it seems that, all I have to do is worry   
And then you're bound to see my other side 

I'm just a soul whose intentions are good   
Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood 

If I seem edgy, I want you to know,   
That I never mean to take it out on you   
Life has its problems, and I get my share,   
And that's one thing I never mean to do   
Cause I love you   
Don't you know I'm human   
I have thoughts like any other one   
Sometimes I find myself, Lord, regretting   
Some foolish thing, some little simple thing I've done 

I'm just a soul whose intentions are good   
Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood   
Yes, I'm just a soul whose intentions are good   
Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood 

 

Felicity doesn't say anything the entire car ride back to the hotel.  

He opens the door and helps Felicity out the car, keeping her hand in his heading inside the hotel. She stops walking before he makes it to the door. 

"What's up?" He asks concerned.  

"Let's go to the house instead." She says, already pulling him back to where they left his car parked earlier that morning.  

"You want to go back to my place? Don't you need anything from upstairs? 

"No, I mean my house, from the other night. The movers should be finished by now." 

He opens the door for her and she slides into the passenger side of the car. 

"I don’t think I remember how to get there." He tells her, when he gets to his side before cranking up and pulling off.  

"I thought you guys' motto was 'be prepared' Oliver."  

"You know I was never actually in the Boy Scouts right?" He says shaking his head at her. She sounds a little more like herself the further they get away from the hotel, but she still seems sad. 

"Lies. Make a left here." 

He wishes she would fiddle with the radio like she did before, but she sits quietly staring out the window the entire ride.  

When they get to the house he puts the code in to open the gate, and parks under the entrance to the huge house. 

There's furniture inside now. Neatly arranged and spacious it's all very modern, dark gray leather, glass, and stainless steel. The walls are littered with blown up pictures of Felicity's album covers and plaques.

After flicking on the lights she heads straight to the kitchen. "Are you hungry? They went shopping for us, so it's mostly just boring stuff." He leans behind her to peek into the fridge, it's mostly fruits and vegetables and prepared shakes and yogurt.  

"You should know, I'm a bit of a health nut, so this is fine with me. My healthy eating has taken a hit since I met you though." 

She laughs at that and he's glad to see it again. "If it's any consolation mine has too, but I'm pretty okay with it. So you think you can work with what's in there?" 

Eyeing the contents of the refrigerator he thinks they can manage veggie wraps pretty easily. "Do you have tortilla bread?" 

Scouring through the cabinets, she pulls out a pack of flat bread making a face when she reads the packaging. "We have paleo wraps." 

"Your aversion to healthy food is a little disconcerting." 

"What can I say, you’ve spoiled me with flavor already. I don't want to go back" 

"Do you think you can chop safely?" He asks pulling out the ingredients for the wrap.  

"I think I can manage." She tells him going over to a soundbar to put on music. 

He rinses the vegetables while Felicity finds cutting boards and knives. The whole thing is endearingly domestic and he finds himself liking it a lot more than he probably should. 

"Aha!" She says with a fist pump when she finds whatever utensil she's looking for under the cabinet.  

Her exuberance is a relief to see again. 

They chop the vegetables side by side and Oliver assembles the wraps.  

At some point he notices Felicity is doing more dancing than chopping. There's a smooth pop song he can't identify playing over her speaker system. She swaying her shoulders and hips, snapping her fingers and looks more relaxed than he thinks he's ever seen her. He tries not to call attention to her for fear of making her stop. He stops chopping when she actually starts singing.

Felicity has a _really_ nice voice, it's strong and sexy but also kind of sweet and he's certain he's never heard her sound like this on any of the songs he's heard Thea play. It's impressive. He's surprised when she suddenly puts her knife down taking his hand pulling him toward her to dance.

"Sing with me Paolo." She says in the weirdest quasi-italian accent.

_Who the hell is Paolo?_

She laughs at the expression on his face, shaking her head indulgently. "We're gonna work on your pop culture soon, I promise." She says lifting their hands above her head as she dances. Oliver's not much of a dancer, his disposition always a little too serious to feel comfortable, and is mostly just shifting back and forth as he watches her.

A slower song starts to play and she makes no movements to separate, wrapping her arms around his neck. He loops his arms around her waist pulling her closer before pressing a kiss to the top of her head. He feels her sigh into his arms before looking up at at him resting her chin on his chest. 

"Thank you." She whispers softly smiling as she presses a soft kiss to his lips.

 

When the song ends they find their way back to their forgotten meal on the counter, finishing up quickly and heading to the living room when everything is completed.  

"Oh my god, Oliver how did you make raw vegetables in fake bread taste appealing?" She says around a bite of food. Oliver's always been pretty good in the kitchen, but he doesn't think he's ever been so pleased by any praise over it before. He almost blushes. Over veggie wraps.  

_Who are you even?_  

"It's settled, I have to marry you."  

He chokes on a bit of his own food at that, and she's laughing at him again. 

"Should I be worried about the amount of this relationship you spend laughing at me?" 

"Probably." She snorts. "But like I said you're stuck with me now." 

"Good." 

She smiles, a light blush creeping up her neck. 

It's quiet for a moment, and it brings his mind back to earlier. 

"At the risk of ruining the mood, I have to ask if you're okay?" 

She looks up at him a little confused. "Okay how?" 

"Earlier at the shoot you seemed really uncomfortable..." 

"Oh." Surprise colors her face, and he doesn’t understand where her confusion is coming from. "You could tell?" 

"I don’t know how anyone couldn't." 

"No one else ever has." She says picking at the remnants of food on her plate before setting the plate on the coffee table. 

"I don't know how you can deal with this everyday. I seriously considered punching Jesse in the mouth a few times."  

"I'd pay to see that... I don’t know though... Normals different for everybody, right?" 

Her eyes are sad again and her brow furrows. He reaches up to her forehead to smooth the worry lines away and her eyes soften again looking at him. She takes his hand laying a kiss at his pulse point, and he cups her cheek when she leans in to place another of her sweet kisses on his lips. 

They stay like that, her touch soft, her kisses short, his skin absorbing every one of them. 

Somewhere in the background he notices the music switch from smooth tones to a poppy one with a fast beat, and Felicity groans leaning her head on his shoulder. 

_C'mon boy_  

"This is you right?" 

_Touch it now_ _now_ _now_ _now_ _now_  

"Unfortunately" She says already reaching for the remote to skip the song.  

He laughs grabbing the remote out of her hands "No, I want to hear it." Her face is scrunched in distaste as the song plays. It honestly doesn't even sound like the same person who was singing in the the kitchen fifteen minutes ago.

_Lick it down_ _down_ _down_ _down_ _down_ _down_  

_Put your face in this now_ _now_ _now_ _now_  

"Put your face where?"  

"Look, I didn't write it okay!" She says laughing as she wrestles the remote away from him, skipping the song.  

"Alright, now I know you don’t know anything about this one." She says, settling back into the chair recognizing the opening of "Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood" begin playing.  

"My father used to love this song, but I think it was another version by a band. This is your Nina right?" 

She nods her head, closing her eyes resting her head on the back of the sofa. “That voice. All that... pain and power… it’s like she lived every lyric. I wish I could have songs like that." Her face is wistful, concentrating, taking in every aspect of the song. He doesn’t think he's ever met anyone who loves music as much she does.  

"So write one."  

She lifts her head, a sad smile on her face before rolling her eyes at him. "No one cares what I have to say."  

"I'm listening." 

Her eyes are suddenly intense, considering his words carefully, filled with a hope and disbelief that reminds him of the night they met. Her chin juts out in determination, all bravado, before taking his hand and standing, pulling him along with her. 

They head up the stairs, to a room he assumes is hers. She pushes him toward the bed and he takes a seat while she disappears inside the closet. After a moment, she returns with a red and gold wooden box. She takes a seat facing him on the bed, crossing her legs and sitting the box between their bodies. 

She removes the top, apprehension creeping back into her face.  It's filled with napkins, torn bits of notebook paper, all marked with messy scrawl.  

He reaches in flipping through the notes. "What's all this?" 

Felicity looks like an exposed nerve waiting to be struck, but she shrugs a shoulder as if what she's showing him isn't important. "Ideas. Lyrics... They come into my head all day long, and when I can I write them down. I've never showed them to anyone..." 

She takes the note on top from his hand to read aloud; 

> _"_ _Take a_ _glimpse in the mirror_    
>  _To make sure you are still there,_    
>  _Then the night takes over_    
>  _And you are nowhere to be found,_    
>  _Your face in broken pieces_    
>  _Don't you look down"_  

"That's beautiful." He tells her honestly. She probes his face, eyes hoping for sincerity. 

"You really think so?" 

"I do." 

Her smile is radiant as she looks down at the paper, playing with its edges before placing it back in the box. "I wrote it about a week ago... it's kind of sad but that's how I was feeling... there's happier stuff, too. And some of them are about things... subjects that are important to me that I never get to talk about." 

Her voice is a little nervous but her words come out fast, the way he's noticed they always do when she's excited about something. 

"Like what?"  

"I don't know... feminism, insecurity, politics. Anything I may feel or have an opinion on." 

"Why can't you sing any of this stuff?" 

"Anytime I speak and I'm not singing about my tits or vagina a teenage boy cries." She says rolling her eyes. 

She rifles through the box again, pulling out a small piece of torn pink paper. 

"I wrote this one the morning after you kidnapped me the first time."  

> _I feel a little rush_    
>  _I think I've got a little crush on you_    
>  _I hope it's not too much_    
>  _But_ _boy_ _when I'm with you I hear_    
>  _My heart_ _singing_  
> 
> _I wonder if you feel the same_    
>  _I see it in the way that you behave around me_    
>  _And I can tell_    
>  _What we have is different  
>  __from anyone else_  

The paper is heavy in his hands and makes a feeling bloom across his chest he knows he's not ready to name. He looks up at her, and her cheeks are burning.  

"You know, I've seen letters from crazy people. They look a lot like this." 

She scoffs and tries to push him off the bed. "Shut up!" He dodges her, leaning to the side before righting himself. 

"Can I keep it?" He's trying to keep his smile in check but he knows he's dangerously close to doofus territory. 

"I suppose so." She answers, smile wide and bright. 

He leans over to press a kiss to her cheek. "Thank you." 

She nods her head before putting the lid back on the box, sitting it on the floor. 

"So what now?" She has a look in her eyes that immediately takes him back to his sofa that morning. But he can tell from the lighting in the room that it's getting late, and unfortunately he's got to get ready for later. 

"I should probably go." He sighs, more than a little disappointed. "I've got that dinner in a couple hours." 

Her lips purse and she looks so put out. It's ridiculously adorable. A glint of mischief sweeps over her eyes and she sits up on her knees wrapping her arms around his neck. "Are you sure you can’t be convinced to stay? Just a little longer..." 

"Shit uhh... I don’t know..." She smells incredible and it’s suddenly distracting as hell. Her nose is gliding over his jawline, her lips touching his skin every so often."Maybe for like a minute." 

"Just a minute." She giggles and he's pulled down to the mattress. 

 

>\-------> 

 

Oliver's lips have been on her's for the past twenty minutes. She should probably feel bad for holding him up. But she doesn't. Everything about kissing Oliver feels new and exciting. Like it's something she's never done before.

_Totally worth it._  

The day has been awful since they left his house, coming to a head at that joke of a photoshoot. There have been a lot of exploitive moments throughout her career. She's gotten so used to it, usually she can trick herself into believing it doesn’t bother her. But never had anything quite as personal as that been manipulated and capitalized on so flagrantly. She'd learned a long time ago that fighting it just prolonged the whole thing and she'd still end up having to do it in the end. Felicity just wanted to get the whole thing over with so she and Oliver could get out of there.  

She always thought she did such a great job hiding how she felt about it all. Now she's not sure if Oliver is just great at reading her or if no one around her cared enough to say anything about it. 

Regardless, she's glad she powered through it now. It was a great afternoon. 

They've made it back downstairs, but she hasn't let him make it to the door just yet, her back pressed against the wall. Hands threaded together, his body towering over her own. He pulls away laying a kiss at her wrist. 

"I have to go." He says through a smile. 

"I know. I won’t hold you anymore tonight."  

He takes a step toward the door, a hand on the knob ready to leave, the other still in her grip. Pausing just before opening the door he turns back to her, the look on his face suddenly a little more serious.  

"So it's not like I follow this kind of thing... but what's up with you and Chase?" She feels her eyes bug out at the question. "It's just that I've been hearing his name a lot. I know the gossip around people like you isn't always legit... I just wanted to ask before I assumed anything..." 

Her toes are suddenly very interesting. It'd be easy to lie. She's breaking it off within the next 24 hours. This doesn't have to be an issue. But she knows how he feels about sort of thing. It's bad enough she never said anything before. 

"We're sort of... together." 

"Together?" His brow furrows, in that serious way it always does. He pulls his hand out of her grip. 

"It's just a label thing." 

"A label thing?" 

"For press... It doesn't mean anything. He's probably banging some model six ways to Sunday right now." He looks pissed. Fuck he looks so pissed. "Look, I should've said something. But I didn't know what was up with us before." 

She tries for his hand but he pulls it away from him again. 

"I gotta go." 

"Oliver." He's already out the door heading down the porch stairs. "Wait!" 

He get's in his car and she watches him pull off through the gate. 

She slams the door when she goes back inside and flops on the couch.

"Fuck this entire day." 

 

A few hours later, Felicity is sitting on the couch drowning her sorrows and fears of abandonment in a bag of completely unsatisfying popped edamame when she get's a text from Sara. 

> [What are you doing tonight? ]

Considering the time, she already knows this is Sara-speak for 'I'm trying to get white girl wasted, wear pants'. Which actually sounds pretty good to Felicity. She wants to forget this day, but the last time she got drunk and sad she tried to jump off a building. She just wants to get out of this empty unfamiliar house. Nothing about sitting alone in this place thinking about Oliver leaving and how she's a total asshole is appealing to her.  

> [Sins got nut-free edibles :D] 

_W_ _ell I'm sold._  Pot brownies and a night out could be good for her. Get out of her own head till she can figure out what to do about her and Oliver. If he ever even wants to see her again.  

> _[Sounds good. Come to the new place.]_
> 
> [Good, we were already on the way for the pre-game :P be there in 15 ]

Felicity hops off the couch running upstairs to find something to wear. The yellow top she has on now seems so blindingly optimistic. For the second time today she's given the opportunity to dress herself, only this time she has no desire to.  

The unfortunate thing about your only friends being stylists and makeup artists, is that they always look awesome. And Felicity has no desire to get glammed up at the moment. Going through the closet her hands reach for dark shades.  

It's just a tank and jeans but she looks kind of badass. Probably because her makeup from the shoot is still hanging on to her face somehow. She feels powerful in it. Like it's a coat of armor. It reminds her of the fifteen minutes she went goth during high school though, so she grabs a shiny and colorful jacket to throw on over it later.  

There's buzzing coming from the gate alerting her that Sara and Sin have arrived, so she grabs the first pair of black sandals her hands touch before heading downstairs to buzz them in.  

When she opens the door Sara shoves a bottle of Johnnie Walker and another of Patron into her arms. 

"What are the chances we can get you plastered with us tonight?" 

"Slim." She says with a smile before stepping to the side to let them in. As expected they look fantastic. Sara takes off her fringe jacket to reveal a Metallica shirt with copious amounts of side boobage, and Sin is casually intimidating in leather as usual.

"Well I've got your favorite." Sin says holding up a tupperware container.  

"Blondies?" She asks hopefully. 

"Blondies." 

Felicity lets out a squeal stealing the container from her hand. "You guys don't know how much I needed this." She says already popping it open on the way to the kitchen behind Sara. 

"Yeah right, you've looked pretty cozy the last few days if you ask me." Sin say's from behind her. 

Felicity wishes she felt comfortable enough to share more details of her life with the two of them at times like these. She really likes Sara and Sin both. They're the closest thing she's ever had to girlfriends. But trust isn't something that's ever come easy to her, especially given her career path. She can only imagine how devastated she'd be to see something personal she shared end up headlining TMZ. It's not even the idea of leaked information so much as fear of the betrayal. Oliver is the first person she's ever felt comfortable enough to tell anything too. 

_A_ _nd_ _you_ _'_ _re_ _doing your absolute best to ruin that aren't you._  

"Why are you so quiet? Those brownies cannot be kicking in that fast." Sara says pulling out full size glasses to pour the liquor into.  

"I'm fine, but do you guys have plans to die tonight or something?" 

"As a matter of fact we do. Be grateful we decided to spend our last night enjoying functional livers with you." Sara says, sliding the half full glass of tequila to Sin, wincing as she takes a sip from her own glass. "Also what's up with you and this black situation?"  

"Yeah I approve, but you look like you're about to stage the fiercest robbery of all time." 

"Honestly that's pretty much what I was going for. I wanted my outfit black, like my soul and my coffee." She says stuffing more brownie in her mouth. Sara snorts at her and Sin just shakes her head. "I have a jacket on the couch though, there's some color in it."

"Is Officer Friendly here? We placed bets." Sara says grabbing a brownie of her own.

"You guys need a hobby, and no he had a thing tonight." She's doing everything she can to keep her mind from going back to Oliver right now. She's half afraid he's not going to want anything to do with her, and she's going to have to resort to cyber stalking him. Which she has zero qualms about doing. "I thought there was no S/O talk on nights like this?" She asks trying to change the subject before she ends up crying randomly. 

"Is he your significant other now?" Sara says wiggling her eyebrows. Felicity almost chokes on her food. 

"Pace yourself woman. Those are gonna hit you like a ton of bricks in an hour." Sin says sliding the tupperware away from her.  

"I think I met him at my cousin's wedding a few years ago actually, back when I was still with Nyssa." 

"Seriously?" 

"Yeah, Laurel, she's kind of an uptight one, she hasn't spoken to me since I stole one of her boyfriends in college though." Sara says unrepentant, a small smile on her face. 

And Felicity remembers why she doesn't share any secrets with this friend group again. Sara's sweet and fun, but flighty and undependable when it comes to anything but her job, and Sin never really seems interested in half the things going on around her.  

"You're such a slut Sara." Sin says shaking her head while rifling through the container for the biggest dessert. 

"Are you slut-shaming me right now Sin?" She asks in mock outrage, clutching at invisible pearls.

"You're not a slut because you like sex, you're a slut because you slept with your cousin's boyfriend." She says around a bite of brownie. 

Sara just laughs into her glass before shrugging a shoulder. "You're probably right."  

Felicity hops off the counter leaving to get her phone from the living room. "I'm calling an Uber I can already tell this is gonna be a long night."  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The songs played during the kitchen scene are, My Favorite Part by Mac Miller, and Kiss Me by Ed Sheeran.


	11. Don't Wanna Dance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Felicity, Sara, Sin  
> http://www.polyvore.com/blackbird_ch_10-11/set?id=218791382
> 
> Felicity at rehearsals and the break-up  
> http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=219274191
> 
> Donna  
> http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=221587277

**"Don't Wanna Dance"**

Elle Varner

 

If it ain't my heart gettin' stepped on it's my feet  
Ice cold as the champagne Charmaine keeps spilling on me  
DJ playing all these love songs like I really need that  
And I'm about to get so messed up like I really need that  
Someone remind me, is this a party?  
Or what?

Cause I've been here too much, too long  
I don't really wanna dance and I hate most of these songs  
Plus my feet are killing me  
I don't really wanna dance, shoulda stayed my ass at home

I'm sittin' on this couch and my cellphone checking your name  
Driving myself bat-shit crazy, going insane  
Though there's a lot of fine boys in here, still thinkin' about you  
I should try to pretend I'm happy for a minute or two  
They playing Weezy, is this a party or what?

Cause I've been here too much, too long  
I don't really wanna dance and I hate most of these songs  
Plus my feet are killing me  
I don't really wanna dance, shoulda stayed my ass at home

Just stayed my ass at home  
I know I shoulda stayed my ass at home  
But my girls kept calling me  
Like Elle you gotta get your ass outta the house for a minute  
No I really wasn't with with it  
I came to this shit anyway, what can I say?

 

 

Oliver is a planner. He overthinks. He weighs the consequences of his actions carefully.  Pro and con lists are the basis behind almost all of his major decisions. It's why his parents put the political thing on him and not Thea, who is much more impulsive. 

So he knows that on paper, he and Felicity make no sense for many reasons. By the time he arrives home, Oliver has thought of twenty why he should just let this whole thing go. This news about her relationship with Chase Cain could be the perfect excuse to just cut his losses before he's even more attached and this all crashes and burns later.   

He's upset Felicity never said anything. Upset she let their relationship progress the way it had, knowing the way he felt about lies and half truths. She'd had plenty of opportunity given all the time they'd spent together over the last few days and regardless of how unconventional their relationship is, she should have said something. 

But he can't bring himself to commit to the idea of ending their relationship. The thought makes his stomach turn. He just doesn't know where they go from here. Felicity's career and lifestyle are bound to cause more problems in the future. And at the moment she doesn’t seem capable of putting her foot down and making a decision without the okay from her mother or her label. This whole Hollywood thing isn’t something he understands, and in all honesty he's not sure he wants to. 

He lets Jake in from the backyard, before changing into a more polished suit and heading to the restaurant. They're meeting at Corrado's and Oliver knows he needs to get his head in the game for this.  

Pastor Blood and a few other key members from programs in the Glades will be there to discuss sponsoring him for his council bid. If all goes well tonight, this will play a key part in getting him Councilwoman Adams' seat. 

He's not late for once, but when he pulls into the lot he sees Laurel and Digg's cars already there. He spots his mother settling into a seat as soon as he enters the restaurant.  

Pushing all thoughts of Felicity from his mind he heads to the table. 

 

"Officer Queen, I support most of your policies so I'm more than willing to break bread with you, but I think I speak for everyone here when I say it's difficult to wrap my head around supporting someone  for a public office who looks like they just graduated from college." 

Sebastian Blood has proven to be a harder sell than anticipated. His question tend to dig deeper than these types of dinners normally call for and it makes Oliver second guess himself in ways he hasn't in a long time. But John and Laurel prepared him well and he likes to think he's holding his own. 

"It was a 26-year-old minister that led the civil rights movement." 

Sebastians brows shoot up at his response. Disbelief coloring his expression.  

"Are you comparing yourself to Dr. King?" 

Oliver blanks for a moment. That wasn't the intent behind his comment and he's sure Blood knows this. The odd thing is he's pretty sure the Pastor likes him as a candidate, so he's not sure why he's doing everything in his power to trip him up and poke holes in his responses. 

"Not at all, Reverend. Um... What I mean to say is, progress rarely comes from people who are content or secure. It comes from those who are unsettled by what they've seen. There's a daily violence in our community that i believe is preventable if we provide opportunities for growth. We've all seen it, I have a front row seat to it. City leadership always tries to ignore The Glades and it's problems, but Star City is better when The Glades are strong. I want to inspire City Hall to invest in us." 

His mother and Digg look proud of his response and Laurel looks impressed. Hell he's impressed himself a little, for all he says he's not good with words he's done pretty well tonight. Blood is looking at him pensively and Oliver decides to keep going while he's finally on an upswing in their conversation. 

"The truth is, I probably can't win the election in this district without your support. My hope is, as you become more familiar with me, I can earn your respect. In the meantime, my actions will speak louder than anything I can say here tonight." 

Blood seems swayed by his words but reserved. Which is an improvement on doubt and suspicion any day.  "I look forward to your actions Officer Queen." 

Oliver gives a small nod in response. Despite playing defense most of the night he feels like he's won this round with Pastor Blood, and can only hope their future interactions go as well as this one. 

The conversation moves towards safer topics and before long he's shaking hands and saying goodbyes to Blood and the other community leaders from The Glades. 

"Oliver, son, you did really well tonight." His mother is smiling at him, and it spreads a warmth in his chest. His mother has always been one of the most important people in his life, and her approval always makes him feel good.  

"Yeah man, when did you get so eloquent on us?" Digg says sitting back in his seat.  

"Trust me, I surprised myself too." 

"I'm taking credit for this, all those public speaking drills we ran in college are finally paying off." Laurel says resting her arms on the table. "You're not just a pretty face anymore Ollie." 

"Damn." He quips, snapping his fingers. "I was planning on riding that wave for another couple of years at least." 

"Seriously though, this was a great thing. If we keep this momentum going we can really pull this off." Digg interjects. 

Moira stands and pats him on the back. "You're going to do such great things for this community Oliver, I'm very proud of you."  

They head to their cars and he hugs both his mother and Laurel, promising to come to dinner at her and Tommy's place later in the week.  

 

When he arrives home again, he disrobes quickly before flopping on the bed that Jake has monopolized in his absence. He can't seem to get comfortable though, and about an hour later he grabs his blanket and heads back out to the couch he shared with Felicity the night before. Her scent is already permeating the blanket, and he wraps himself up in it as he drifts off. 

 

>\-------> 

 

They end up in the nightclub her mother wanted her at a few nights ago, Poison. It's loud and vibrant and the club lights give everything a fluorescent blue tint. There are a lot of people around her in the VIP section, but the only ones she knows are Sara and Sin.  

Not that Felicity cares. The brownies are doing their job and she feels light as a feather dancing around the platform. The heavy bassline of the house music vibrates through her chest and she loses herself in it. It's fun, she feels like she can do anything right now.  

Bottle service waitresses parade through them, fireworks mesmerizing her for a moment, she takes a bottle of champagne from one of them to pour into Sara's mouth.  

"Hey babe, you gonna share?" She turns around to see the club owner, Jack? Matt? Max? Smiling at her pulling her into his arms. She dances with him for a while, but his face is wrong and he smells like he bathed in his cologne, so she pushes the bottle into his arms before turning back to Sara who is standing on the bright white sofa.  

She hops down putting her hands on Felicity's hips, and she sways her body, undulating her hips to the loud and constant rhythm of the music. She can hear praise somewhere in the background. 

Max keeps positioning himself to make eye contact with her while she dances. She doesn’t like the look she's getting from him. Like he's expecting something from her. Like he wants something he's absolutely not gonna get, and it takes the fun out of the moment.  

She flops onto the sofa next to Sin, who is as chill as ever, riding her own high. 

She suddenly wants to go home. Wants to be anywhere but here.  Wants to see him.

But then Sara comes and lays herself across her and Sins laps it makes her laugh and she forgets about it. 

 

She makes it home just before dawn. Sara and Sin are taking the Uber to their places and Felicity finds herself alone on the couch again. The bag of edamame is on the coffee table where she left it hours ago. 

She keeps checking her phone hoping for a missed call or a text message from Oliver, which is ridiculous because they never even exchanged numbers. They'd been together the entirety of the last few days and it never came up. 

Now that her high is faded and she's by herself without any distractions, she can't keep her mind from going to him. The feel of his lips on her forehead when they danced in the kitchen. The concern in his eyes when he asks how she feels. The pride in them when she showed him her box of lyrics. Indulgent shakes of his head when she says something ridiculous. 

Closing her eyes she thinks of his hands, on her waist, on her chin, pulling her face up to his for short kisses. 

She feels a tear sliding down the side of her face and moves to wipe it away when her phone pings with a message. Unfortunately it's from her mother.  

 

> _**[Be at Star City Arena by 9:30. You've got award rehearsal, Chase is back in town. BE ON TIME.]** _

The last thing she wants is to go to rehearsal in three hours, but she mopes her tired and depressed body to the kitchen for a bottle of water, before making the trek upstairs to her bed.  

 

When her phone goes off two hours later, she drags herself into the shower. The water is scalding on her skin but also a huge relief as she washes away the night before. It feels good. 

She'll spend most of the day at the arena today and is glad Chase will be there so she can end things. He's a part of her performance on Friday so she decides to wait until after they practice together to tell him.  

She's actually a little excited about it she realizes as she steps from under the spray to turn off the water. Like the anticipation of spring cleaning, she's ready to drop the dead weight from her life.  

She's still worried about Oliver though. She's doing everything she can to not listen to the voice in her head telling her that he won't want anything to do with her. That she's fucked up and easy to throw away. If he feels even half of what she does, he'll at least hear her out. 

She changes into her gym clothes quickly, being practical and opting for a large t shirt over her sports bra and a brightly colored pair of sneakers. She also grabs a beanie for the truly,  _truly_ epic case of bed head she's experiencing. A problem she'll leave for Sin later on. 

It's then that she hears the gate outside opening up and runs to the window a bit worried. She's relieved to see Rene pulling up in a SUV, but disappointed to see a few pap's loitering outside the gate walls. They must have followed them last night after leaving the nightclub. She was hoping to have a few weeks of peace at the new place, but is glad the gates there at least. The wall is thick and high with no gaps for anyone to snap pictures through. She's glad they thought to opt for it over a fancy barred one.  

The doorbell rings and she rushes downstairs to open it, telling Rene she'll be out in a moment. 

The house is finished so her mother will probably be moving in today from the hotel, and if it goes at all well with Oliver this afternoon she has no plans on coming back here tonight, so she packs a duffel with a few essentials to take there.  

It's mostly just wishful thinking, but optimism is a comfort for the moment.  

 

Dance rehearsals are generally pretty stress free for her and this one is no exception. As a child she didn't have a natural inclination towards it, but with the amount of money her mother sunk into lessons she's pretty much perfected it. Not to mention Claire, her choreographer is amazing. That said, she can't say she's stoked about the routine for this particular performance.  

It's for her and Chase's song _Private Property_ , which is her second least favorite song on the album. It's basically an ode to asking a guy not to spread your nudes around like an asshole. Complete with riveting lyrics like;  _''t_ _reat me like your object, please baby don't stop it'._  

The choreography Claire sets up is pretty straightforward for the most part with the standard amount of grinding and crotch grabbing she's become accustomed to, there's a part where she has her trench coat snatched away by the extra dancers that she keeps messing up on.  

The issue is the part she has with Chase, who is running late as usual. During her part of the song while she dances with the others, he's supposed to be recording it through a handheld camera, like a POV porno or something, which is gross but fine, whatever. The kicker is the bed scene from the video that they wanted incorporated in the performance.  

She's working with his stand-in at the moment, which thank Google because Chase would not have resisted this opportunity to feel her up unnecessarily. But she's supposed to crawl over to him and be lifted onto the prop bed, where she stands over him before squatting over his lap suggestively and pushing him back into the bed. He is then to stand and spin with her legs wrapped around him before depositing her to the floor at center stage. Then it's back to good old fashioned grinding and squatting.  

Ignoring the fact that she's not even sure she trusts her weight in Chase's skinny arms, she knows the outfit she has for this performance. They might be better off just doing the porno and cutting out the theatrics.  

If the awards ceremony were more than four days away, she'd probably protest it. She barely even remembers the practice sessions prior to this one. The last few rehearsals are kind of a fog to her after basically running on autopilot for weeks. Her depression and anxiety hit a low she hadn’t been able to deal with after suppressing and internalizing it for so long. It's not a place she ever wants to revisit. 

There's so much riding on this one performance, and if it doesn’t go well she won’t have to worry about any of this anymore because she'll be dropped from the label. So she decides to just power through this week without disturbing the peace more than necessary.  

 When rehearsals are over hours later she heads to the trailer they have set up for her in  the back. It's one of the nicer ones she's had, and she can see Sara and Sin have already set up to get her ready. There's a rack of clothes, preplanned outfits for the week already waiting and labeled. She sees the skin tone bralette and skirt labeled for today. The skirt is knee length, but there's  a slit that would at least make it up to the bottom of her hip bone held together by a pair of gold buckles. Felicity decides immediately she won't be putting it on.  

She rifles through the rack discovering, without surprise, that most of the options aren't anything she'd pick for herself until she finds a skirt the towards the back. It's a green a-line mini, corduroy with buttons down the center. It reminds her of something Jackie Burkhart would wear, but she likes it. It’s not apart of any of the sets, probably making it into her wardrobe accidentally, or accidentally on purpose by Sara to be borrowed later.  

She doubles back for a shirt she spotted earlier, and changes quickly before anyone makes it to the trailer.  

She smiles when she sees herself in the mirror. She looks cute. She hasn’t used that word to describe an outfit she was wearing since she was 14 and first started pursuing her career seriously.  

The trailer door opens then, her mother coming in with Sin and Sara trailing her. 

Donna stops in the middle of her sentence, a confused frown taking over her lips. "What are you wearing? I thought we already had your outfit picked out for today?" She goes over to the racks, pulling out the garment bag labeled 'Monday'. "Here, change into this one." 

"I'm good, thanks." 

Her frown deepens, brow raising."Felicity you nee-" 

"I'm good, thanks." She says a little louder. If her mother wants her out of these clothes she's going to have to rip them off her body.  

Donna's lips purse and Felicity can tell she want's to say more. But she just lets out a huff shaking her head and turning to leave. "Let me know when you're over this diva phase please. I'll see you at the house later this afternoon. Rehearsal is the same time tomorrow, they'll be doing your behind the scenes take then. Also Chase is on set now,  he'll probably be in his trailer." 

The trailer door slams, and running her hands over her skirt she releases a breath she didn’t realize she'd been holding. 

"Awk-ward." Sin sings, and Felicity can’t help but let out a short and nervous giggle. 

"Seriously." Sara says, smiling a little. "Look at you little bird, if I suggest a pair of shoes can I keep my head?" 

"You can keep your head but you can't keep your job." She snarks at her lightly.  

Sara's smile spreads wider. "You are on a roll today Felicity Smoak! I feel like I'm meeting a new person." 

"Well will you be doing your own hair too, cause I can go home and go back to sleep." Sin says, plugging up a flat iron. 

"Uh no, you are right where you need to be." She says taking a seat in the styling chair. "Also I was totally kidding Sara, I'd love for you to pick a pair of shoes for me." 

"Sure you would, this is probably a test."  

"Well duh, I'm obviously luring you into a false sense of security waiting for you to screw up." 

Sara rifles through the shoe storage, pulling out a pair of boots. "How about these? We can go full 70's for the day."  

"Nope, strike one." She says, Sin snorts from behind her. 

"Oh no, there are strikes? Uhh... how about those Stella McCartney loafers? The flatforms?" 

"Strike two." 

"Oh God, really Sin? You're not even gonna try to help me?" 

"My jobs got pretty good security for now so..." 

"You've got one more shot Lance." 

"With friends like these." She hears Sara mumble, before opening another bag. "Ooh the gonzos!" 

"Pink satin Sara? Really?" She says shaking her head. "I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed." 

"No!" She says still digging through the case a smile on her face. "Steve sent a blue velvet pair.  These!"  

She holds up a platform, and Felicity falls in love. Usually she prefers a sleeker shoe, but there's something about the chunky heel she really likes. 

"Hook, line, and sinker." Sara says proudly, crawling over to slip the shoe on her foot.  

"Good choice. You live to fight another day." She says in her best Farmer Fran impression. 

"Buenos dias." Sara says standing up. 

"You guys are ridiculous." Sin says from behind them. 

 

When Sin finishes her hair, she leaves them to go see Chase. 

There's a nervous excitement coursing through her the closer she gets to his trailer, which turns into just nerves when it's in sight.  

His little entourage of friends and bodyguards is outside the trailer talking and laughing obnoxiously but they quiet down when they see her. Suddenly interested in their phones and looking anywhere in hre direction. It makes her stomach knot up, even though she has nothing to be ashamed of.  

"Is he inside?" Her tone is a little short, irritated by the judgment she can see on their faces .  

He doesn't say anything but the bodyguard raises an eyebrow at her before nodding his head.  

Felicity rolls her eyes stepping around him to get to the door of the trailer. 

Chase is sitting on the sofa flipping through TV channels when she comes in.  

He stands when he sees her, a smile on his face. "What's up, baby girl?" He puts a hand on her waist, another on her neck and leans down to kiss her. Chase has never been a very good kisser, way too much tongue, but it feels especially foreign now. His grip is a too tight and his lips feel chapped and everything about it just feels wrong. "I thought I was the one supposed to be getting in all the trouble around here." He says still smiling as he sits back into the couch dragging her with him. 

She pulls away, distancing herself from him on the couch. "Listen... uhm... we need to talk." 

"About what?" 

"This thing... Whatever it is we're doing... It's not working for me anymore." She tries to gauge his emotions but his face doesn’t really reveal anything. "I wanna go back to just being friends." 

He looks unsurprised, if anything. He shrugs a shoulder."I ain't gonna shed a tear or nothing like that, but... I thought shit was cool with us." 

"Chase, we texted, we hooked up, and we texted about hooking up. For like a year." 

"That's damn near married Felicity." He says with an easy smile. 

It makes her laugh and she feels the tension leave her body. It's not like she expected him to be upset or anything, but the fact that he's taking this so well makes her feel better. 

A knock on the trailer door makes her jump. "Yo, they're ready for you Chase." Someone yells from outside.   

She stands and takes his hand to pull him up too. When she turns toward the door he stops her by grabbing her wrist.

"Hey Felicity, word of advice... use the press." He taps at her chin with his knuckle. "Don't let them use you, all right?" A smile spreads across his face and she nods her head. "Now, let me get to this rehearsal." 

"Hey, just a thought, let's both show up at the same time next time." She says sarcastically following behind him.  

"Oh, look who's got jokes!" He says pressing his hand to his chest, pretending to be offended. 

"I'm just saying. You know I need to kill this performance." 

"Shh." He says abruptly stopping, turning to lay a finger in front of her face. "It's the only way I know how, come on." 

She rolls her eyes and he laughs again. 

They walk to the building together, separating when she sees Rene. 

Things have been going well for her today, and there's only one more thing she needs to go her way. 

When they get to the car she's racking her mind trying to figure out the words to say to Oliver. He's a man of action more than words. So she want's to  _show_ him that she takes their relationship seriously and want's it to progress. That she's ready to face some of her fears. 

It's a Monday, so she knows he's probably at work, but she's unsure of his schedule. Some quick googling tells her she's right. And for the first time ever she's thankful for paparazzi having nothing better to do but watch other people be boring.  

"Rene, can you take me to the 19th precinct in the Glades?" 

"No problem Felicity."  

There's traffic and they get stuck by a Big Belly on the way there, and again Felicity finds herself thankful for something she'd always seen as a nuisance. 

Because she knows exactly what to give Oliver. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone enjoys this chapter and sees the symmetry I tried to place before and after Felicity's night out. It was supposed to highlight how alone she is and how stagnant she feels, even with seemingly decent friends. They come and go and she's still in the exact same place, feeling the same way. 
> 
> But yeah, thanks everyone for reading! Your comments really make my day! :D


	12. Unthinkable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay everyone! It's been an eventful two weeks, I'm hoping to have another chapter posted before the weekend is out to make it up to you guys :D
> 
> Same day as last chapter, so it's the same set.  
> Felicity  
> http://www.polyvore.com/blackbird_ch_11_felicity/set?id=219274191

 

  

 

**Unthinkable**

Alicia Keys

 

Moment of honesty  
Someone's gotta take the lead tonight  
Who's it gonna be?  
I'm gonna sit right here  
And tell you all that comes to me  
If you have something to say  
You should say it right now

You ready?

You give me a feeling that I never felt before  
And I deserve it, I think I deserve it  
It's becoming something that's impossible to ignore  
And I can't take it  
  
I was wondering maybe  
Could I make you my baby  
If we do the unthinkable would it make us look crazy  
If you ask me I'm ready  
If you ask me I'm ready

I know you once said to me  
"This is exactly how it should feel when it's meant to be"  
Time is only wasting so why wait for eventually?  
If we gon' do something 'bout it  
We should do it right now

You give me a feeling that I never felt before  
And I deserve it, I know I deserve it  
It's becoming something that's impossible to ignore  
It's what we make it

I was wondering maybe  
Could I make you my baby  
If we do the unthinkable would it make us look crazy  
Or would it be so beautiful either way I'm sayin'  
If you ask me I'm ready

Why give up before we try  
Feel the lows before the highs  
Clip our wings before we fly away  
I can't say I came prepared  
I'm suspended in the air  
Won't you come be in the sky with me

I was wondering maybe  
Could I make you my baby  
If we do the unthinkable would it make us look crazy  
Or would it be so beautiful either way I'm sayin'  
If you ask me I'm ready  
I'm ready, I'm ready

 

 

"So  _you_ are seeing  _Felicity Smoak_." 

Oliver considers just jumping out of the moving police vehicle for the third time that day. With any luck he'd be struck by an oncoming car quickly. 

Tommy has been trying to wrap his mind around the idea of Felicity being even remotely interested in him all day. 

"We're... talking Tommy. I don't know hanging out a little. It's not that complicated." 

"Oliver there is a crowd of paparazzi waiting outside your home and the job. You're a hair's breadth away from being famous by association. Is this like an elaborate scheme to Federline her or something?" 

"Federline?" 

"As in Britney Spears and Kevin Federline. When pop stars date under their league it doesn't usually turn out well for them. " 

"Nice to know you think so highly of me Tommy." 

"Anytime buddy." Tommy responds cheekily from the driver's seat. "Hey, but I thought she was dating Chase Cain." 

"Did everyone but me know this?" 

"Probably, you're not very good with current events Ollie." 

"You consider the relationship status of celebrities  current events?" 

"Don't get all haughty with me because you didn't know your girlfriend had a boyfriend. Bet you wish you'd done that 2 for 1 People magazine subscription with me now. And, I had to keep up with it, Felicity used to be on my freebie list." 

"I'm not having this conversation." 

Just then, the radio comes to life with a request from dispatch. 

**_C_** ** _losest_** ** _available_** ** _car to respond to a domestic_** ** _disturbance_** ** _at 1007_** ** _West Park Avenue._**  

Oliver signs recognizing the address from previous calls. Tommy is already turning the car around, and picks up the radio to answer the call. 

**115 to dispatch, we can take that job in five.**  

**_T_** ** _hanks 115, male on scene is described as drunk and violent._**  

**R** **oger that dispatch.**  

"Looks like Brickwell is back at it again." Tommy says shaking his head. His hands tighten over the steering wheel.  

These calls were always difficult for Tommy because of his father. Malcolm Merlyn was a decorated cop and community leader in public. But behind closed doors, he terrorized his family on top of being a dirty cop. His corrupt actions on the force directly lead to the suspicious death of Oliver's father. Malcolm skipped town sometime after that and was never heard from again.  

"Looks like." 

 

"Get the hell off me!"

It takes both Oliver and Tommy to tackle Danny Brickwell to the ground . 

His wife Vanessa steps toward them, presumably to help Danny somehow. 

"Ma'am I need you to stay back right now!" 

She has a black eye and a mouth full of blood, and is crying and begging them to let him go. Like they're the bad guys in the situation. 

"I'm not pressing charges!" 

"We don't need you to press charges." Tommy responds while snapping the cuffs in place. 

They stand Brickwell up to take him outside and the look he levels at her is chilling. 

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" She says to him as Tommy drags him outside to the vehicle. Her hands are shaking. 

"Ma'am I need you to calm down." 

"I'm sorry." She sniffs, hanging her head into her hands. Her children are crying softly in a corner behind her. A young boy stands in front of his little sister, his face is afraid but his posture is defensive. Shielding her from whatever was happening before he and Tommy arrived on the scene. "I'm fine. I just wanted him to stop, and he did. So can you please just let him go? I'm okay." 

"None of this is okay. Look at your kids, lady. This has to stop." 

Vanessa turns to them and starts crying even harder. "Oh, my babies." They run up to clutch at her legs and she leans over to kiss their heads. 

He pulls out a card with his personal cell number on it to give to her.  

"You call me anytime when you want to get the help you need, okay? 

She takes the card from him but he doubts she'll ever use it.  

When he gets outside Tommy is putting Brickwell in the back seat of the cruiser when he turns around and chuckles. 

"You know I'll be out of these in an hour right?" 

"Watch your head sir." Tommy says before pushing Danny's forehead into the side of the car while when he ducks to get inside. "I did warn you about that sir. You should be more careful." He says slamming the door.  

"How is she doing in there?" 

"She's not gonna press charges. We'll probably be back out here in a week tops. Hell maybe today depending on how long it takes him to make it back here after being released this time."

Tommy grinds his teeth, walking to the passenger side of the cruiser, too frustrated to drive them back to the precinct for booking.  

 

They both calm down a bit during the ride over, but to be safe and avoid another slip-up, Oliver decides to take the lead on booking Brickwell, before he somehow  _accidentally_ trips down a flight of stairs. 

"I need you to step out of the car sir." Brickwell smirks from the car before stepping out and facing Oliver, chest to chest. He's trying to intimidate him, but Oliver could never be afraid of a man cowardly enough to beat his wife and children. "Turn around and face the vehicle."  

He takes his time but eventually does as instructed. "Thank you." Oliver says before pulling him away from the vehicle and dragging him to the building. 

It's then that he hears a car horn honk from the direction of the gates. Looking up he sees Felicity standing through the sunroof of her limousine. 

"Oh shit." He hears Danny mutter. 

"Hey, Boy Scout!" She yells at him. She's the picture of confidence leaning over the side of opening in the roof, but knowing Felicity she's probably been worrying over the way they left things yesterday.

"Felicity what's going on?" 

"I've got something for you. Is your shift over?" 

Oliver can't decide if he wants to go. He's honestly still a little irritated with her, but he can't deny he did miss her. Which is ridiculous since he probably hadn’t even left her place a full twenty-four hours ago.  

He's still deliberating when he feels Tommy pull a confused Brickwell toward him. "Yes!" He calls out to her. "His shift is over!" 

Oliver shakes his head at his overzealous friend. "We still have paperwork to do."  

The fact that Tommy and Brickwell are both looking at him like he's an idiot in unison is a little unsettling. 

"Go get in the car dumbass. I can handle this douche." 

Oliver sighs looking back over to Felicity and her inviting smile before heading over to the vehicle. 

_Like you were ever not getting in the car anyway._  

He navigates through the paparazzi surrounding the car and she ducks back down popping the door open from the inside. 

The first thing he notices is that the partition is up between them and Rene for the first time ever. Settling into the seat he takes her in.  

It's crazy how attached he is to her already because just seeing her releases tension he didn't even realize had built up inside him during the day. 

But it doesn’t change that he still has a valid reason to be upset with her. And the dramatic scene she just caused didn't exactly warm him to her lifestyle either.   
   
"Felicity, I like you and I got in because I didn't want to embarrass you. But all this Hollywood mess... Look, my job is stressful enough, I don't need this in my personal life." 

She looks contrite, and it makes him want to wrap his arms around her and rub away the lines forming in her forehead. But figures it'd probably undermine his words a bit. 

"I broke up with him." 

"I didn't ask you to."  

"I didn't need your permission." He's pretty sure she just suppressed an eye roll. 

"Just your labels?" 

Her chin juts out defiantly. It's both fierce and endearing. "I didn't need their permission either." 

He's glad she did, but again he finds himself wondering what it is they're doing. Why she's even putting this much effort into trying to get him to forgive her.  

"Why me? I mean, you..you can have anyone." 

"I want you." Her eyes don’t break from his, and a smirk spreads across her face. "Now... I said I had something for you." 

She pulls out a blindfold and Oliver wants to ask her if she's crazy. 

"Trust me." 

He's not exactly sure what the hell is going on, or what the hell she's doing to him that has him veering so far from the safe decisions he's lived by his entire life, but he leans back with a sigh and lets her put the blindfold over his eyes. 

 

Oliver has been blindfolded for about fifteen minutes when he feels the car slow down. Felicity's mostly been quiet during their trip but he's pretty sure that’s because she didn’t take into account how awkward having him blindfolded through their conversations would be. 

"I'm putting these headphones in your ear okay. I'm not really great with saying how I'm feeling about stuff so I'm going to show you and let the music tell you." 

"You just don’t want the noise outside to giveaway where we are."  

He can feel her light laugh from his side. "You're right, my emotional vulnerability and inability to communicate like a fully functioning human is just a ploy. We're going to be getting out of the car, just follow my lead." She shifts then, leaning over him to snap the headphones in place over his ears.  

After a moment the music begins to play and he feels Felicity scoot away from him. 

_Moment of honesty, s_ _omeone's gotta take the lead tonight._ _Who's_ _it gonna be?_  

Felicity's small hands tug at his, pulling him toward her at the exit of the car.  

When he's out she drags him forward and they walk awhile before she stops in front of him, her hands slide around his waist until he feels her breath on the back of his neck. She places his hands on a railing, and taking a tentative step forward he realizes it's a staircase.  

_You give me a feeling that I never felt before, a_ _nd I deserve it, I think I deserve it_  

It feels a little suspended, and he's not entirely sure what he could be heading into. The uncertainty of it make his palms itch, but Felicity's hands press into his back, so he takes the first step forward. 

There are about six steps before he reaches a doorway. It's kind of small and he has to duck a little to get through it. 

_I was wondering maybe, could I make you my baby? If we do the unthinkable would it make us look crazy?_   

The room feels small but he doesn’t really have anything to base the assumption on. A few steps and her hands shift to his shoulders turning his body before pushing him down onto a couch. 

She just stands in front of him for a moment, and he gets anxious again.  

_Or would it be so beautiful? E_ _ither way I'm_ _saying, if_ _you ask me I'm ready._  

"Can I take these off now?" He asks, and he can tell his voice is probably a little louder than necessary. 

He feels Felicity lift a leg before settling herself into his lap. Her hands come up to his face and she slides them down over his neck to his chest. Her lips push in to his for a kiss. It's rough and he feels intent behind her lips. He returns her forceful kiss losing himself in it.  

He's so focused on her he doesn’t notice when the room around starts to vibrate under him until she pulls the headphones from the jack and the soft music starts coming from her phone. 

She pulls her lips away, taking the headphones off of him, and he lifts a hand to remove the blindfold.  

It only takes a quick glance around to realize he's in the cabin of a small plane. 

"What's going on?" He feels panic rising in his chest. "Stop the plane!" 

"Oliver." Her voice is calm and she grabs his face to turn it back to her, but he seriously just wants off this damn plane before it explodes or something.  

"Felicity, I'm _serious_ , I need them to stop this thing." He looks around for staff someone, anyone who can get the message to the front. She grabs his face and presses her lips purposefully to his again. 

"Felicity." He moves to shift her off of him but she pushes his arms back into the chair. 

"Oliver." She says softly against his mouth. He's still freaking out but she starts to grind her hips into him and the distraction makes it difficult to be as upset as he wants to be.  

She pulls away without breaking eye contact with him, thumbs sliding across his jaw soothingly. His mind is still telling him he needs to be trying to get the hell out of here, but Felicity's eyes are strong and steady and it's comforting. And her thumbs are still stroking the side of his face. 

Her eyes ask him if it's okay to proceed and he tries to swallow down his anxiety so he can see wherever she is trying to take this. As far as apologies go, he's gotta say he would have been good with her just saying the words at this point. 

"You helped me conquer a fear, I'm helping you conquer a fear." 

Her hands shift down to his service belt working the buckle loose, and then the button on his pants. The plane lifts off and he closes his eyes trying to ignore it until Felicity gets her hand wrapped around him and then it's not as difficult. 

She starts to lay open mouth kisses along his neck as she strokes him faster and harder, fingertips igniting trails of fire across his skin. It feels fucking incredible. He has to focus the few parts of his brain that are left functioning on remembering to breathe. Brain power he loses when her thumb glides over his head. 

"Felicity..." He closes his eyes and he drops his head to her shoulder.

Her other hand moves away from his shoulder but she doesn’t miss a beat, stroking and twisting around him. He doesn’t realize what she's doing when she lifts up until he's pressing at her entrance and she's sliding down over him. 

"Shit.. oh, shit..."

His mind blanks when she bottoms out. Her body is hot and wet and perfect. This may be the single greatest moment of his life. She lifts up again and begins riding him slowly. 

"I think I love you. Wait, no." He's about to freak out at his slip up, when he feels her start laughing against him. Opening his eyes he sees the bright smile on her face.

"No?" She says a little breathless, still rocking up against him, head tilting to the side. "I mean-" She clenches and he loses his train of thought. "I'm already giving away the milk here Oliver." He's glad she's telling jokes because his brain to mouth filter has apparently died. 

He thrusts up into her and her hands move up to his shoulder giving her movements more purpose. He works his own hands up her thighs and over her hips to pull her shirt from inside her skirt, tugging it over her head. 

He buries his face in her cleavage to avoid opening his mouth and saying something foolish, but also because it truly is a wonderful sight. Her breasts bounce softly in her bra with every one of her movements and it's mesmerizing. Pulling the cups down he takes a nipple into his mouth and Felicity lets a squeak that is somehow both sexy and adorable.

He looks up at her when her back arches, her mouth is agape, panting with her efforts, whimpering into the air. Innocent and deviant all at once.

She tightens around him when he grips at her hips to take more control, doubling his efforts, moving faster, and is rewarded when she lets out a cry of his name when he leans in to bite at her neck. 

Felicity clenches around him and he can tell she's close, but he like that she whispers it into his ear.  

The heat that has been moving through him turns into a fire and he slides his thumb around to press into her.  

"You feel so good... can you come for me Felicity?"  

Her movements become more urgent, and the deeper he goes the sloppier they get until she's coming around him and he's following behind her. 

He buries his face into her neck as her arms wrap around his shoulders, shudders rippling across her body in the best way.  

They stay that way for a moment until he feels her lift her head pressing a smiling kiss to the side of his face.  

"Hey, look outside."  

He lifts his groggy head to look out the window.  

"Wow." The view is both terrifying and amazing. He can see the entire coastline, the skyscrapers in the business district, the outline of Star City park in the distance. His heart rate picks up a little but it's hard to focus that nervous energy when he's blissed out and softening inside the most beautiful woman in the world. 

He turns back around to see Felicity's, flushed and beautiful face. A small smile plays on her lips and he finds the same train of thought applies to her. Terrifying and amazing. 

" _Wow_." 

 

>\-----> 

 

Felicity get's the pilot to land shortly after she and Oliver head to the bathroom to clean up. He seems okay, but she figures it'd be a bad idea to push him anymore with this. In all honesty she hadn’t really planned on things escalating as far as they had. She was more than happy with the results, but the goal was to get Oliver to conquer a fear, the way he was helping her conquer her own. 

But sex with Oliver is awesome and so she has no complaints. Because it's really fucking awesome.  

They're laid out on opposite sides of the limo they're taking back to his place. He traces circles on her ankle, a content smile on his face. 

"Oliver, will you be my date to the awards on Friday?"  

"I was planning on bingeing Friends that night but that sounds good too." 

"Friends is solid binge material, but I bet you could find something that filmed within the last ten years that you'd like too." 

"It's not my fault if my pop culture studies teacher is a slacker." 

She laughs as she kicks at his hand. 

"Anyway, I'm performing and I'd like you to be there." He nods his head at her and she's really glad he's going to come. "How was the job today?" 

He raises an eyebrow at her, his smile teasing. " _The job?_ " 

"Isn’t that what you guys call it? That’s what they say on all my police procedurals." 

"Do you have a police officer fetish I should know about." 

"Probably but it's pretty specific at the moment." 

"The job is fine." He says laughing lightly at her. 

"You said it was stressful." 

"It's just sometimes we deal with the worst in people, you know? Makes it hard to trust in the good."  

"You feel like it's changed you?" He shrugs a shoulder at her, his fingers still tracing at her ankle. "Is that why you don't have a girlfriend?" 

"I thought I did." He responds and Felicity feels her heart skip a beat. 

 

They stop at Big Belly on the ride to Oliver's house, eating in the car. She steals most of his fries again and he takes her pickles.  

There are more reporters on his street when they get there. She actually feels really bad about it, but isn’t quite sure what it is she can do to help, besides not coming over so often. The downside of that would be running into her mother at the house though. Maybe she can send his neighbors a gift basket. 

He laughs when he sees her pull out the duffel bag she'd packed that morning. 

"Mighty presumptuous of you Ms. Smoak." He says taking it from her arms as they make their way up the driveway. 

"I had high hopes for the evening." She quips proudly, following behind him into the house. Jake runs up to her again as soon as she's inside. "Aw, maybe you really do love me huh?" 

He follows behind her hopping onto the sofa when she takes a seat, depositing himself in her lap again.  

"I love how you just let my traitorous dog take my spot on the couch." He says before sitting on the armrest next to her. "Do you have any obligations tonight?" 

"I don’t think so, I don’t really plan on finding out for sure. If I had to guess, my mom probably wants me doing nightclub appearances but I just want to shower and go to bed." 

"Good." He says getting up from the couch, disappearing to the back of the house.  

She follows behind him going to sit on his bed while he moves around the room. 

He gives her a set of towels that feel amazing. 

"These are really nice towels for a guys house." 

He snorts watching her rub the fluffy fabric against her cheek. "Thea said they'd help me pick up girls but never explained how to bring up my awesome towels in conversations at bars." 

"Hey girl, I've got some giant Egyptian cotton bath towels at my place. How about we test them out together?" 

"Felicity Smoak master pickup artist." He quips.  

He suddenly looks a little nervous, fidgeting like he had the other morning when he brought her shorts out. "Uh do you want to shower first or..." 

She rolls her eyes before hopping up from the bed to stand in front of him. "I think showering together would be the best option. For the environment of course." 

His eyes darken a bit and he raises her challenge by removing his shirt before heading into the bathroom.  

She admires his impressive backside before behind him.  

 

Felicity regrets nothing about their first time together on the plane. But she can't help but feel sad that she missed out on everything she's seeing in front of her under the spray of Oliver's small shower.  

She knew from their morning escapades that Oliver had a fantastic body, but this was kind of ridiculous. His back is to her front blocking the worst of the spray and she can't keep her eyes of his butt. She's pretty sure it's better than hers.

_I'_ _ve_ _never been one for body_ _insecurities_ _, but this is enough to give a girl complex._  

Oliver snorts and she realizes she spoke out loud without meaning to. A habit she thought she'd broken sometime in high school. 

"Trust me you don't have anything to worry about. " He says.  

She leans around him for the shower poof she brought from home pouring his masculine soap over it.  

Lathering it up she works it over his back first, hands dipping low to cover his backside. He laughs, and she spins him around to get his front. His abs are ridiculous and she spends a very long time there. Setting the poof  to the side she pours more soap directly into her hands before taking them lower. Cupping him in her hands, stroking and pulling to her heart's content.  

Oliver lets out a low groan, leaning down for a hard and possessive kiss. Then he's pushing her hands away. She knows she's pouting like a child who just lost their favorite toy. 

"Felicity." He says her name and it sounds like sex. She never wants to hear anyone else say it again ever. 

Ignoring both the shower pouf and towel Oliver pours her fruity soap into his palms. 

His fingers move expertly over her skin, getting to know every dip and curve intimately. Running up her sides, down each arm and through her fingers, between her thighs. He leans down to kiss her again before spinning her around and then his strong hands are on her breasts. 

His attention is pretty focused and she can't help but giggle at his exuberance.  

"I must have the world's filthiest nipples." 

"How embarrassing for you. Good thing I'm here to help with this mortifying ailment of yours." 

"Lucky me."She laughs a little breathlessly. 

She's expecting his hands to dip lower again, instead they leave her body reaching for her shampoo and he proceeds to wash her hair. It feels really nice. She can feel tension releasing from her body the more he massages her scalp. 

Stepping back, he lets the spray wash over her head. She forgot to bring conditioner and her hair is going to be trouble for Sin tomorrow. 

"We're going to run out of hot water soon." He says.

The water is cooling and Oliver reaches around her to turn it off. He steps out of the shower to grab her towel and she raises her arms as he wraps it around her body. She likes all of this very much. She's been to spas where she didn't feel this pampered.  

When they're dry he hangs the towels over the door and hands her one of his tshirts. She brought pj's but she fully intended on stealing another of his shirts anyway. He puts on his underwear and then they're crawling under the covers. 

She planned on continuing the fun from the plane tonight, but the closer she snuggles into his warm embrace the more drowsy she gets. There is one thing she wanted to do before they fell asleep though. 

"Oliver." 

"Yeah." 

"I really am sorry about how I handled everything with Chase. I'm sorry for even putting you in that position... and want you to know that you never have to worry about me holding back in this relationship again." 

She feels his arm tighten around her waist and she threads her fingers through his hand. "I've never fought for anything, but I'm going to fight for you."

"Okay." He says simply, his grip tightening over her own. 

"Okay." She says settling back into him. 

She feels Jake hop onto the bed, nosing his way behind her, and then she's asleep.  

Never in her life has she felt more content. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments really make my day guys! Also, guess who hit 100+ subscribers! Ya'll I almost cried XD lol thanks again to everyone reading!


	13. Coffee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Felicity, Laurel, Thea, Lyla  
> http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=220786243

Coffee

Miguel

 

I wish I could paint our love  
These moments and vibrant hues  
Wordplay, turns into gun play  
And gun play turns into pillow talk  
And pillow talk turns into sweet dreams  
Sweet dreams turns into coffee in the morning  
  
We talk street art and sarcasm  
Crass humor and high fashion  
Peach color, moon glistens, the plot thickens  
As we laugh over shot guns and tongue kisses  
Bubble bath, Truth or Dare, and Would You Rather  
A cold flame, the thrill of no shame  
Drugs, sex, and polaroids  
Pick a star in the sky  
We could both say goodbye all night  
  
I wish I could paint our love  
These moments and vibrant hues  
Wordplay, turns into gun play  
And gun play turns into pillow talk  
And pillow talk turns into sweet dreams  
Sweet dreams turns into coffee in the morning  
  
Coffee in the morning  
I don't wanna wake you  
I just wanna watch you sleep  
It's the smell of your hair  
And it's the way that we feel  
I've never felt comfortable like this  
  
Old souls we found a new religion  
Now I'm swimming in that sin, baptism  
Peach colored skies we feel the sunrise  
Two lost angels discover salvation  
Don't you wish we could runaway now? Yes, let's  
Drugs, sex, and polaroids  
Pick a star in the sky  
We could both say goodbye all night  
  
Coffee in the morning  
I don't wanna wake you  
I just wanna watch you sleep  
It's the smell of your hair  
And it's the way that we feel  
I've never felt comfortable like this  
  
Wordplay, turns into gun play  
And gun play turns into pillow talk  
And pillow talk turns into sweet dreams  
Sweet dreams turns into coffee in the morning  
  
Coffee in the morning  
I don't wanna wake you  
I just wanna watch you sleep  
It's the smell of your hair  
And it's the way that we feel  
I've never felt comfortable like this

 

 

The days leading up to the awards show are both grueling and blissful for Felicity. 

Rehearsals are up to about seven hours daily, pre-awards interviews and appearances tire her out everyday. But she stays with Oliver every night. They're so domestic and she loves everything about it. He makes her breakfast before work and she plays with Jake in the morning before Rene scoops her up. They even go grocery shopping together on Wednesday to stock up his lacking refrigerator. They watch Doctor Who and play Would You Rather and it's just everything she never knew she wanted or needed. He's like an instant reprieve from her crazy life. Things are as close to perfect for her as they've ever been. 

Rehearsals are pretty much the same everyday. As promised, Chase is there every morning on time and ready to work. His hands aren’t wandering past where they're supposed to and she's again grateful he's taking all of this so well. She could have created a seriously awkward environment for herself but he's been great about the whole thing, joking with her about the choreography and Donna's criticisms.  

She's only really seen her mother at rehearsals since the debacle with her outfit Monday. And even then, Donna doesn’t come to speak to her, sticking to the sidelines with the directors. On Wednesday when she's scheduled for her final fitting for the ridiculous dress she's wearing to the awards ceremony, Donna is there to point out the six pounds she's put on. But other than that her mom seems to be avoiding her, communicating via text when she has to tell her something, which coincidentally makes telling her 'no' about things easier. 

Oliver invites her to a party with his friends Tuesday morning. 

 _"Are you doing anything Thursday_ _night?"_  

 _T_ _here are usually_ _pre-parties_ _for the awards but she hates them and was already making plans to bail._  

 _"Nothing I shouldn’t be able to wiggle myself out of. Why?"_  

 _"Tommy and Laurel are having a small get together, I’d like for you to come if you can."_  

 _"Yeah that sounds great. I'll be my usual charming self and win over all your friends in one fell swoop._ _"_  

 _"I'm considering_ _rescinding_ _my offer now."_  

She is disappointed when she realizes her taping with James is actually the same evening, so best case scenario she'll be a little late. She'll just have to go straight there from the taping. Luckily it isn't an actual appearance on the show and it’s just the karaoke thing which she's actually looking forward to. James is great and 'Carpool Karaoke' is one of the only late night bits out right now that she wants to do. Although if she's being honest, if Jimmy Fallon called her up to do 'Tight Pants' or 'Ew' she'd totally be down for it.  

 Thursday she wakes up to the magical scent of bacon and a face full of Jake, who seems to believe his spot is directly between her and Oliver. He's damn near under the covers with her. Oliver is already up and probably dressed by now.  

Slipping out of the bed, she toes her way into a pair of slippers sitting by the door before following her nose toward the kitchen. 

Oliver is already in his uniform, standing over the stove flipping bacon out of a pan. It's a sight she doesn't mind seeing every morning.  

He startles when he turns around to see her but his smile spreads wide and her heart melts at the sight.  

"Hey, I was just about to wake you up. You and Jake ran me out of there with your snoring." He says leaning down to press a kiss to her lips. 

"I do not snore." 

"I couldn't tell which one of you was louder."  

"You better be glad you made me food, otherwise I'm not sure I could just turn a blind eye to all this slander." She says, leaning around him to steal a strip of greasy goodness. He swats at her hand, but she's successful anyway. 

"When do you leave for work?" 

"In about twenty minutes. Tommy's picking me up here and we're just gonna ride out." He sets two plates of food down on the breakfast bar and she sets the cups of coffee down beside them before hopping onto one of the stools. "What's your day looking like?" 

"I have another rehearsal today, and a final dress and performance-wear fitting. I also have that taping with James Corden for Carpool Karaoke." 

"I can't believe I'm dating someone who casually mentions television show appearances over breakfast." 

"Well get used to it buster, because I'm not going anywhere and I am totally prepared to be a crazy stalker ex if you push me." 

 "You wouldn't be the first to try." 

"You've had a stalker? I haven't even had a stalker Oliver! Unless you count that weird jock who followed me around on a college tour once."  

"Crazy Carrie Cutter is what Tommy calls her, it's pretty appropriate though, she was certifiable. It must be my fantastic rear-end." 

"Well I can’t argue with that logic." Felicity nods in consent. 

"Are you sure you'll be able to make it tonight? It's not a big deal if you can't, there will be other opportunities to meet everyone." 

"Nope it's on the schedule. No backing out now." 

"Tommy has been harassing me about it all week. He's freaking out a little and it has been a joy to witness." He says pressing his lips together in amusement. 

"Glad to help."  

He steals the last bite of her eggs just as Jake trails into the room sleepily coming to sit at her feet. 

Felicity still can’t believe she's doing something as normal as meeting Oliver's friends at a dinner party tonight. It's both exciting and intimidating. They've kind of been living in a bubble together for what feels like a while now, she's met Tommy, Thea, and his mother, only two of which she left with what could be defined as a good impression. It's ironic, besides Dinah who still lives in Vegas, her mother is the only important person in her life, and Felicity does everything she can to keep her away from Oliver. And here he is bringing her to a night with the intention of introducing her to the most important people in his life. 

Regardless, it all feels so surreal and a part of her is just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Like finding out Oliver's secretly married or collects Barbie doll heads or something equally strange that makes him less perfect. But as it stands she's the only one throwing wrenches in their relationship.  

After her performance Friday, it won't be a month before she's out on tour around the world promoting the album. Long distance isn’t ideal, especially this early in a relationship, but she was serious when she told Oliver she wasn't going anywhere. She worries if his resolve will match hers but tries to trust that he's as serious about her as she is about him. 

"Do you think the paps are still outside this early? I've been wanting to take him for a walk the last few mornings, just to get him past the backyard for a bit."  

Oliver goes to peep out the window, shaking his head when he returns. "Yesterday there were only three or four but there are at least six now." 

"There waiting for my walk of shame. Jokes on them though I've got a change of clothes." 

She hears a horn honk from outside, and she assumes it's Tommy. 

"You can take him in the backyard, I already filled his bowl. And don’t feel too bad for him, between my mom and Thea he gets plenty of time out of the house." He says putting their plates in the dishwasher before grabbing his service belt.  

He comes over to her leaning down to kiss her again. It's probably supposed to be chaste, but she grabs onto his waist so he can’t pull away from her. Between her job and his own odd hours, they’re exhausted when they come home in the evening and she hasn't been able to properly sex him up like she's wanted, one of them routinely passing out before any funny business can start. She's resigned herself to just wait until the weekend. He's off duty again and this award show mess will be behind her. She's already planning on telling her mom to cancel a few appearances so she can rest up a few days afterward.  

 He laughs into her lips. 

"You're a feisty little thing aren’t you Ms. Smoak." 

"When I wanna be Mr. Queen." She says pressing her lips into his one more time before letting him go. 

She walks him to the door and he leans down for a final peck before leaving her alone in his house. 

Jake is already at her feet when she locks the door, already hip to their routine and ready to go t the backyard. 

"Just us, huh boy, all by our lonesome." He barks out at her and she accepts it as his agreement before going to change for rehearsals. 

Digging out a pair of joggers and a sports bra, she changes quickly so she can hang with him a little before Rene gets there.  

Already in a great mood, Jake drops a chew toy at her feet. She launches it rather pathetically into the air but he runs off to go catch it anyway. His enthusiasm is contagious and before she knows it she's running and playing alongside him. 

 

Sara and Sin are in good spirits as usual while they get her ready. She lost a bet with Sara on Tuesday and will now be rapping Salt-n-Pepa's 'Whatta Man' in addition to two of her own songs and 'Bohemian Rhapsody'. Sin piles her hair on her head like a big puff of cotton candy. Truth be told she's a little tired of the pink, ready for something a bit more conventional. Colored hair has been her trademark for a while now, but like so many other things in her life lately, she feels like she's outgrown it. 

She feels wonderfully feminine in the short and flowy dress Sara picked for her. There's a dip in the front that's quite low but the dress has sleeves so there's a balance that she's comfortable with. 

Depending on the kind of party she's going to it could be appropriate to wear throughout the night.  

 _"Is the party actually casual, or is it just boy casual?"_  

 _"What is 'boy casual' Felicity?"_  

 _"Guys can wear jeans to basically anything and be appropriately dressed. There are levels to female informality_ _Oliver."_  

 _"Is this an actual thing or just a Felicity thing?"_  

 _"If I'm overdressed your friends will think I'm fancy and won’t be comfortable around me, if I'm undressed they'll think I don't care_ _."_  

 _"Nobody I_ _love_ _could ever hate you."_  

 _"That's the sweetest deflection I've ever heard."_  

In hindsight she realizes she made the entire situation way more complicated than necessary.  

The ride is fun. James is hilarious and it's easy to loosen up around him. She belts out her verses perfectly and she's glad her mother put her up to it. They wrap a little ahead of schedule which is great because it gives her time to get out of her Hollywood duds and before she knows it she's on the way to the Merlyn's place for judgment.  

She's still crazy nervous about the party though. She's been ringing her hands the entire ride there. She has never been so thankful for Rene's overly cautious grandpa driving before. 

The truck stops in a nice suburban area. The kind of place Felicity used to wish she lived in as a kid. And she finds herself way more nervous than the occasion calls for. Letting herself out of the car she tells Rene he can go home for the night, before heading to the door.  

She can hear a bit of yelling inside and checks the driveway for Oliver's truck one more time before ringing the doorbell. 

There's some commotion inside and then Oliver is opening the door with a huge smile and a basket of beers labeled Ellis Island. "Felicity!" His cheeks are a little pink and she can tell he's been drinking. He pulls her in for a quick kiss before closing the door behind her. "You look nice." 

"Thanks." She beams back at him. 

"Okay so this is going to seem a little crazy but just roll with it, Thea blackmailed us into playing a drinking game, so everyone's a little drunk right now and I need you to reserve judgment  until the next time you see them." 

He's more exuberant than Felicity thinks she's ever seen him and she can't help the reciprocating grin that spreads across her own face. "That sounds great but I don’t really drink Oliver." 

"Don’t worry about it, Lyla is breastfeeding so there are non-alcoholic beers too." He hands her a can of O'Douls. "It's only the spirit of the game that’s necessary."  

"What game is it?" 

"True American. Its fifty percent drinking game and fifty percent human Candy Land." He says leading her through the house into a living room. There are a group of people standing on widely arranged pillows and chairs. Thea is standing inside an upturned stool with a blanket over her head.  

"It's more like ninety percent drinking with a Candy Land-esque structure and a heavy dose of American trivia. Also the floor is lava!" She says loudly. "Are you in for the best night of your life?" 

"Oh absolutely." She says without hesitation. 

"Introductions first, then game rules speedy." Oliver says quickly. "The gentleman standing on the pillow is John Diggle, his wife Lyla is piggybacking at the moment."  

A handsome dark man with a warm smile and arms the side of boulders raises his beer to her. 

"Nice to meet you Felicity." The woman says from his back cradling her own beer. 

"You too." 

"Laurel is standing on the recliner," He points to a tall and ridiculously pretty woman who waves a hand at her in greeting. " And unfortunately for you, you already know her husband Tommy." 

"You're such an ass." Tommy says from a coffee table. 

"Okay now that that's out of the way, back to the game." Thea interrupts jumping enthusiastically. " This is the castle, the beers on the table are pawns, they're the soldiers of the secret order and the liquor is king. Everyone get's a challenge turn, if someone yells out two people or objects you have to connect them with another word, if you guess correctly you chug and move up a space, finish a quote correctly chug and move up two spaces, if someone yells JFK, you yell FDR chug your beer and move up a space." 

"The king is vulnerable when all the pawns are gone, the first person to grab him  and drink wins. If you hit the lava you're out or at anytime have an empty beer can you're out. " Oliver finishes for her. 

They speak quickly and excitedly and Felicity is not sure she has absorbed much of the information, which Oliver seems to find amusing if his face is any indication. 

"It starts with a shotgun tip off." John says. 

"Oh well, that I can do." Felicity says, stealing Oliver's keys from his back pocket to poke a hole in the side of the beer before downing it in seconds. 

"Oh yes!" Tommy cheers while the others clap, impressed at her accomplishment. 

"Yeah there's no going back now." She says wiping her chin. There's a look of surprise on Oliver's face when he takes the empty can from her that makes her a bit wary. " Is that judgment I'm seeing Queen?" 

He lets out a huff of air before shaking his head at her. "Pride." He responds, and again she's fucking beaming like a strobe light at him. 

"1, 2, 3, 4, JFK!" Thea screams into the air. 

The group responds "FDR" and there's a flurry of movement, hopping from surface to surface and Oliver turns his back to her, pointing over his shoulder.  

"Hop on, you're in the lava." 

She climbs onto his back wrapping her legs around his waist and Oliver hops onto a nearby sofa. 

"The only thing we have to fear-" Laurel calls out from her new spot on a stool. 

"Is fear itself!" They scream out and chug their beers, hopping to the next surface. 

"This may be the most convoluted game I've ever seen in my life." She whispers into Oliver's ear.  

"It took me the entirety of my college years to figure it out." He whispers back to her. 

"Well it's a good thing I've got plenty of time to figure it out then huh." 

 

"My name is Eli Whitney and I invented the cotton gin!" 

Oliver has no idea how Laurel's classy dinner party devolved into his girlfriend pouring gin into his best friends mouth while his wife cheered them on. But he can't say he regrets it. 

Felicity had been nervous all week and when he opened the door for her she looked half ready to bolt, and excluding Tommy, his group of friends can be a little serious sometimes. There isn't a better way to get them to loosen up than with Thea and Tommy's favorite drinking game. 

She even get's a piggyback ride from Digg at one point and now having teamed up with Laurel against Tommy. The night is winding down with the three of them, being the only one's left in the game. He likes seeing them all like this, his friends, the woman he loves, together being ridiculous. And Felicity seems to be having the time of her life, another thing he's glad for. He knows the types of parties and nights out she's used to and even knowing that Felicity isn’t into that scene that much, he was worried this little dinner party in suburbia would prove to be less than entertaining for her.  

The evening is a cap on what's been a great week for them. Felicity has stayed with him every night this week no matter how late she finished with work stuff, curling up beside him  forcing Jake out of his spot on the bed. Who he's pretty sure still prefers her company over his own.  

"So I guess things really are pretty serious between you guys huh?" 

Digg is probably the most perceptive friend he has and even a little drunk he knew he'd be gauging the situation, as a friend and a manager.   

"I'm surprised  my mom  didn’t bring it up with you." 

"Oh she did." He huffs out on a laugh. "She's pretty certain your'e endagering your future. Thea talked to me about her too, but mostly good things from her. She's sweet, not really what I was expecting." 

"Tell me about it." 

"You guys seem good together, I'd tell you don’t rush into things, but I can already tell you guys are way past that at this point. And she seems like a good girl, so I'm just going to tell you to be smart." 

"We're the queens of America!" Laurel screams out, tilting the liquor bottle for a shot before slamming it back down on the coffee table and double high-fiving a glowing Felicity. 

"Good job newbie." Lyla claps from her seat in the recliner. 

Felicity smiles and gives a little courtesy. "Thank you, thank you very much. None of this would have been possible without my other half, Ms. Lance. She's the real hero." She says dramatically, applauding Laurel who bows at the compliment. 

"I guess I'm just chopped liver over here, huh." 

"Oliver, you touched lava in the second round, how can you be anything but chopped liver?" 

"Oh my God, I am going to love having you around." Tommy howls in laughter. 

"I only fell out of the ring because you sacrificed me to make it to the recliner."  

"Survival of the fittest babe." She says coming to sit next to him on the sofa. "You gotta strike while the irons hot."   

"So Felicity, I hear you had an appearance on James Corden's talk show today? That must have been fun." Laurel asks good naturedly. 

"Oh yeah, it was actually a lot of fun, everyone with the show is great. I had a better time than I'd been expecting to. You and John work at City Hall right? That’s got to be interesting." 

"Politics is politics, you know." She responds with a shrug. "It's great though, John and I are trying to get new people in the doors." 

"I'm excited to see what you guys do, The Glades could use an update in leadership." 

"You follow local politics?" John asks, surprise coloring his voice. 

"Only a little, I grew up in a similar area so it's easy to empathize. I've always wanted to do something to help out but was never really sure how to go about it." 

"Wow, we should totally hold a benefit!" 

"Oh man, don’t get them worked up. You'll be on the campaign trail until 2030 like me." Tommy interjects.  

"Amen." Lyla snickers. Oliver can't help but agree. 

"Oh hush, Tommy."  Laurel says, slapping his knee. 

"Yeah, that could be cool . I’d have to talk to my mom about the scheduling though. " 

"Thanks for giving Laurel, Thea, and my mom a reason to throw another party." 

"Anytime." Felicity says chuckling, before laying her head on his shoulder. 

"Hey Thea, are you still taking my shift tomorrow?" 

"Unfortunately." She gurmbles tiredly from her spot laid out on the chaise. I didn't think of the repercussions of being drunk on a Thursday night when I suggested this game." 

"Thank God for federal holidays." Johns says.  

"I can’t believe Tommy and I are the only ones who have to work tomorrow. You never told me what you were you giving up your shift for Ollie." 

"He's gonna be my arm candy at the AMA's tomorrow." Felicity responds. 

Thea's jaw drops. "Jeez, I'd be way less jealous about this if I thought you'd at least appreciate the experience." 

"Yeah it's basically a chore, I have no clue how I'm going to get through it." He responds, sarcasm coloring his tone. 

"If I back out of taking his shift can I replace him as arm candy? I know I’d be better company." She says to Felicity. 

"Sorry sweetie, gotta stick with chopped liver here. Maybe next time." Felicity responds with a smile, patting his cheek sweetly. 

"You always know just what to say." 

She nods with mock earnest. "Well I try you know?"  

 

Another hour passes before the group calls it a night. Oliver is still feeling a little tipsy so Felicity drives his truck back to the house. 

She adjusts the driver's seat, pulling herself forward what seems like a whole foot, and adjusting the back until it's ramrod straight. She's as adorable as ever and an urge to be touching her comes from nowhere. He lays his hand on her leg, drawing tight circles around her kneecap. 

He doesn't notice that he's dozed off until she's shaking his shoulder to head into the house. 

Once inside he follows her to his bedroom, stripping down to his boxers before climbing into the bed while she does her night routine. After washing away her makeup she climbs in facing him. 

"Did you have a good time tonight?" 

"I did, your friends are great." She says, a small smile playing on her lips.  

"I'm glad."  

"Are you nervous about tomorrow?"  

"Not really, all I have to do is stand there and be pretty right?" 

"Basically."  

"What are these things usually like?" 

"Uh, kind of hectic? There are a lot of interviews on the carpet and you have to be careful not to look crazy at any moment otherwise you could become the next Poot Lovato." 

"Poot?" 

"Google is your friend Oliver. Backstage is also kind of crazy, but we're the second performance of the night so we'll be with the audience after about forty five minutes. Being in the audience is awesome. It's impossible not to be a little starstruck." 

"Does your mom know I'm coming?" 

"I haven't seen her much this week, so I never thought to tell her. It's doubtful she'll be glad to see you through." 

He wouldn't say he's nervous around Donna Smoak, so much as easily ruffled. From what he's seen she could be doing more to look out for Felicity than she does, but he doesn’t know much about their backstory. He knows Felicity didn’t have the easiest childhood and assumes Donna picked up a lot of slack in raising her alone, and if she were just Felicity's manager he probably wouldn’t have anything to say. But she's her mom and she is either in denial about Felicity's situation or just doesn’t care. At this point he's not sure which one applies to her, but he also knows a lot of it comes down to what Felicity is willing to accept for herself. 

"That's not totally unexpected. Have you wanted to see her?" 

"I don't know... it's weird for her not to be around so much, but other than being exhausted, the last few days have been amazing. I don’t know if it’s just me being here so much or if it has anything to do with not seeing her so much. It's weird to miss someone and not want to see them at the same time." 

"Not really. I think you miss your mom but you don’t miss your manager. They just happen to be a package deal." 

Surprise colors Felicity's face, her brows knitting in the center. "I never thought of it like that... I guess you're right." 

"Have you thought of getting another manager?" He asks, his hand rising to rub the wrinkles in her forehead away. 

"I... not really... My mom, she's always been there. Always us against the world... I guess the last few years it's felt like it's just been me anyway.  I'm not sure when I started feeling that way... She's done so much for me, I feel like I'd be abandoning her." 

"When I first decided I wanted to do the politics thing, my mom wanted to take the lead as my political manager. It lasted three months and it was a disaster. As my manager her primary concern was my career, but she was still my mom. You can't be good at both jobs. The best thing for your career won't always be the best thing for  _you._  I think you know that better than most people." 

She just nods her head, but he can tell she's really mulling over his words. Then she yawns widely and he can't help but laugh at her. 

"You sure know how to ruin a moment Smoak."  

She laughs at him, and he's glad to see the small smile on her  lips. 

"Just go to sleep Queen." She says, pressing her head to his chest tangling a leg with his. 

He laughs before pressing a kiss to her forehead, she sighs into him and it’s not long before the both of them are asleep. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is mostly filler, but I actually really enjoyed writing it and it came out much better than expected. 
> 
> True American is a drinking from the series New Girl. It's hilariously ridiculous and random.  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BxbQaAIjpIQ


	14. Worthy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Felicity- AMA Red carpet  
> http://www.polyvore.com/blackbird_ch_14/set?id=220943389
> 
> Felicity-AMA Performance  
> http://www.polyvore.com/blackbird_ch14/set?id=221044089
> 
> Donna  
> http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=221587277

 

**Worthy**

Jacob Banks 

 

 

Suddenly the clouds have opened up  
And I'm being seen in all of my glory  
The time has come for fate to decide  
If a part of me is even worthy

  
The air is warm, my heart is cold  
And I'll never know how it feels  
The air is warm, my heart is cold  
And I'll never know hot it feels  
To have a heart of gold  
  
I feel worthy somehow  
Please, I don't want to go down, down  
The new world is calling me now  
Please don't let me go down, down  
And I feel worthy somehow  
Please don't let me go down, down  
The new world is calling me now  
Please don't let me go down, down

Just one step unto the lonely road  
Has scarred me for life  
No time to reflect as I was getting by  
Getting by, enjoying life  
The time has come for judgment day  
And I'm standing here, begging you  
Please take pity on me, take pity on me

I feel worthy somehow  
Please, I don't want to go down, down  
The new world is calling me now  
Please don't let me go down, down  
And I feel worthy somehow  
Please don't let me go down, down  
The new world is calling me now  
Please don't let me go down, down  


Oh, please don't let me go down  
I don't want to go down

 

 

 

She's the first one awake the next morning for the first time that week. Oliver's sleeps soundly through the alarm going off on her cell and she wishes he was snoring or drooling so she could catch it on video, but it turns out he's as pretty asleep as he is in life. 

She slips from under the furnace of body heat he provides to turn her phone down and shoot her mom a text that she'd be home shortly. It's the latest the two of them have slept all week so she decides not to wake him.  

She takes a quick shower, deciding against washing her hair, she'll leave whatever is happening to it today up to Sin, and throwing on a pair of leggings with one of Oliver's t shirts.  

She makes a pot of coffee, and pours herself a cup before going with Jake in the backyard. Her fingers have been itching to write the last few day and now the words and rhythms flow easily onto the paper towel from the kitchen. She decides then to get more organized with her writing and get an actual notebook for it.

 

> As I dive in without my wings,  
>  The speed of light I'm flying to my end  
>  As I fall without my wings,  
>  I am the last song the blackbird will sing

She knows Rene will be there shortly and considering Oliver's pretty much been her personal chef all week, she get's the bright idea to try and make Oliver breakfast, and fails miserably. The eggs are somehow both burnt and runny and she's not sure where she went wrong with the sausage, but she knows that it's not right.  

She's opens a window to clear out the bit of smoke and dispose the evidence of her morning venture. Which is, of course, when Oliver decides to sashay into the kitchen, only sporting boxers and bed head. To add insult to injury, he looks like a Calvin Klein spread and she is totally jealous.

"What exactly is happening here?" He asks, resting his hands on her hips pressing a kiss to her shoulder as she empties the pan contents into the garbage. 

"It was supposed to be breakfast but somewhere along the line it started looking like something you might not survive eating." She says spinning around in his arms.  "So instead you are going to have the world's best bagel for breakfast." 

"Okay." He gives her a sleepy smile before moving to the breakfast bar to allow her to move around freely. 

She lets out a huff of frustration as she moves to fill the burned pots with water to soak. Then she pulls the pack of raisin bagels they bought at the store on Wednesday along with cream cheese and cinnamon.  

Felicity stands guard over the toaster as the bagel darkens to ensure she doesn’t forget them and burn them as well. When they pop up she spreads the cheese and sprinkles the cinnamon before placing the small saucer in front of him with a cup of coffee. 

"One idiot proof breakfast." 

"Thank you Felicity." His smile is indulgent but also seems to be holding back a laugh. "If it makes you feel better your coffee is much better than mine." 

"It does, thank you." She says, rinsing a bowl of grapes for herself.  

"None for you?" 

"Unfortunately not." She sighs sadly. " My dress is kind of nonexistent so I'm reserving food cravings until after I can take it off so I don’t look like Shamu in his natural habitat." 

"That's ridiculous, you look fine Felicity." 

"Are you trying to peer pressure me into food right now?" 

"Absolutely, you need to eat." 

"Fine I'll eat toast with this Mr. Grey." 

"I hope you're making a list of all these references you know I don’t understand so we can go over them later." 

"It's all in the memory palace babe. " She says tapping her forehead."Although in this particular reference, considering your Boy Scout status and my own as a mysterious rich and famous person, I might be Mr. Grey. You'd probably like that though." 

She can't help the mischievous smile that spreads across her face or the laughter that bubbles up at the wariness on Oliver's. It's then her text notification goes off with a message from her Rene letting her know he was outside. 

"My ride is here." She says sighing sadly grabbing her bag and coming over to stand between his legs. 

"What time should I be at the hotel?" 

"At about three? The only reason I'm leaving so soon is because I have to be poked and prodded." 

"Try not to stress about any of this okay?" He says, hugging her and pressing a kiss to her temple. 

"Aye, aye, captain." She responds. 

"You're such a weirdo." 

"I know!" She says laughing as she heads to the door. "Make sure you walk my dog Oliver! And I don’t mean in the backyard, take him to that dog park up the road." 

"Your dog?" 

"Yes my dog. Walk him Oliver! I'll see you in a few hours okay." 

"Alright, see you soon." 

 

The house house is in a frenzy when she gets there, her prep squad there to get her buffed up and ready. Still it feels colder somehow than the last time she was there. Like she's a visitor. Although granted, there isn't much of her influence to be found anywhere. The collection of her album covers hang in poster sized frames on the walls. 

_Gross._

"I wasn't sure you knew how to get back here at all." Her mother says from the top of the staircase when she sees her. But she's determined to keep her spirits up today. 

"Good morning mother, how are you?" 

Donna sighs, rolling her eyes at her. "I'm fine, you little stink.  Are you talking to me again?" 

Felicity laughs at the nickname. "I'm fine, are you ready to stop being so fussy?" 

"I don't know how I raised such a difficult child. There's no way you get this from me." 

"You're so dramatic, is everyone ready to make me beautiful?"  

"I suppose so." Donna responds and Felicity heads up the stairs ready to start the process. 

 

By the time three rolls around she's all shiny and new. Her hair is in rollers and Sara is working on her makeup when her mother enters the room with a sheepish Oliver following behind her. 

"So I found this guy on the porch."  

"You clean up nice Officer Friendly." Sara says, breaking her concentration from Felicity's face to tease him.  

"He's hot right? Like a regular Don Juan. Hey, where's my corsage?" She asks worriedly. 

His eyes widen in panic. "Wait, you never-" 

Sin is the first one to laugh. 

Realization dawns over Oliver's face and he gives her his best unimpressed face. "Very funny Smoak." 

She can't help the peal of laughter that escapes from her. 

"You were so cute and worried!" 

"You're the actual worst you know that." 

"You love it." 

Oliver just shakes his head at her, reluctant amusement on his face. 

Her mother looks at her with an expression can’t quite identify before leaving the room to get dressed herself. 

"Hey Oliver check out these nails Sin did." She holds up her hand to show the shiny ultra sharp nails off. She actually loves getting her nails done although Sin tends to get a little extreme with them. This time is no different. Her nails filed into sharp points that look like an extension of her hand.

"They look dangerous, like talons." 

"They are, I almost poked out Sara's eye earlier." 

"Would you believe it did nothing to convince her to sit still?" Sara snarks.

"I think she wants me to shut up now. Just have a seat we'll be finished soon."  

 

Once Sara finishes with her face and Sin with her, hair Felicity goes to put on her dress.  

She can't really remember what circumstances led to this being the dress she wore tonight. The fabric itself is lacy and tiny beads are sewn into wonderfully detailed patterns, the whole thing seems so delicate. The dress itself is beautiful, it just seems to be missing the lining.  

She can't imagine it'd be easy to find a dress she wanted to wear less. But she waited too late to say anything. By the time she was paying attention and actively deciding to have more influence over the things she wore, there wasn't even a full week until the awards. 

Everything had to be perfect today, so much like her issues with the choreography, she decided to let it go this one final night. But this was the last day she'd be caught wearing something she was this uncomfortable in. 

Olivers eyes bulge comically when he sees her though which helps a little.

"Wow." 

>\------> 

Oliver has always been a possessive person by nature. As he's gotten older, it's a personality trait he's been able to temper quite a bit, especially when it came to the women in his life. And he's never been the type of person to care about what his significant others wore and his relationship with Felicity is no different in that regard. She's a grown woman, she can make her own wardrobe choices. That said, he's trying to figure out how he's supposed to refrain from clocking everyone who looks in her direction tonight.  

"Wow." 

"I know.... it's something huh?" 

She's beautiful, obviously. Her lips are painted a deep red and her hair falls over her shoulders in soft waves. The beads of her dress are almost the exact same shade as her skin so from some  angles it looks like she's not wearing anything at all. Other than her lips, everything from her nails to the jewelry she's wearing is the same nude color.  

"I'm not sure what else to say." She blushes, a sheepish smile spreading softly over her lips. 

"I feel kind of naked." 

"Are you uncomfortable?" 

"A little? I just want to power through tonight though. I need things to go well and I don’t want to cause any fuss. After tonight though all bets are off." 

"If you're sure you're okay, then I'm okay." 

"I'm fine." She says decisively. He's not sure if she's trying to convince him or herself. "this is only my carpet dress, there's another one for after the performance. I'll be in it for an hour or two tops." 

"Alright we need to be in the car." Donna says coming down the stairs, Sara and Sin trailing behind her. "You guys ready?" 

"As we'll ever be." Felicity says taking his hand to pull him toward the door.  

There's a limo outside that they pile into. Once they pull off Donna begins going over Felicity's night and how long they're supposed to be on the red carpet. She goes over the designers of the dress, a few pre-rehearsed questions and talking points, the stops they're supposed to make for interviews. Felicity answers the questions quickly with a practiced ease.  

"This all has to go perfectly. You and I have already put in the work this will solidify our position within the label. This is just the beginning of a long career for you baby girl." 

Felicity just nods, biting her lip nervously. 

They arrive at the venue quickly and looking out the window he can’t help but get a little nervous now that they've finally arrived. 

Felicity leans over to whisper in his ear. "It's not as bad as it seems I promise."  

"I'll take your word for it I suppose." He says as the driver pulls open the door. 

When he steps out of the car he realizes there's a small walk of carpet before they actually get to the flashing line of reporters. They're still in the distance enough that they haven't been spotted. 

"Remember to keep your answers short and light. Don't answer any new questions about the incident, 'I'm fine' and 'life's great' are the extent of your answers on that subject. If anyone gets aggressive, thank them for their time politely and move on." 

Felicity nods her head again before taking his hand and leading him down the walkway. They turn a corner and the reporters seem to come to life. The light is almost blinding and it takes a moment for him to adjust. 

But Felicity takes it in stride smiling as she waves to a few of them. His hand finds it's place at the small of her back and it's calming for him although Felicity herself seems a little tense. But she smiles and poses, placing a hand on his chest for photos.

They walk a bit further down when Felicity is waved over by an interviewer he recognizes, Jesse Wells with Star City Tonight.  

"Oh my goodness! She's finally here, the girl I've been waiting for, hi Felicity!" She says excitedly, Felicity leans over for a quick hug. "You look fabulous. I mean this dress, wow!" 

"Thank you! You might wanna tell your cameraman to keep the camera on my face. I don't want you guys getting sued by the FCC." Felicity responds lightly. 

"It looks like we're all gonna be in trouble tonight with this dress. I'm sure you already know the question on everybody's mind, really, how are you doing?" 

"I'm great. And I'm excited about tonight."  

"I see that you brought your guardian angel with you." She says looking over at him. "So, are you here to keep her from tripping?" Felicity looks back at him, her smile genuine as she reaches for his hand, to the surprise of Ms. Wells. 

"Oh! What's this?" 

Felicity squeezes his hand before she gives him one of her mischevious smirks. "He's my date." 

"Wait a minute. So, is this an SCT exclusive right now? You're confirming the rumors?" She asks enthusiastically.  

"Yep." 

"Well, you are truly living the fairy tale. And I know you have a busy night, so off you go with your date." 

Felicity gives the woman another hug before tugging him to the next stop.  

From the corner of his eye he can see a small frown on Donna's face, her forehead wrinkling in that way he hates to see on Felicity. But then Felicity is pulling him again and he forgets to care about whatever is bothering Donna Smoak now. 

Things continue on that way for about an hour before they head inside so Felicity can prepare for her performance. Sara and Sin work in tandem, pulling and painting while he waits in the hall with Donna quietly. She's been strangely cordial with him today, mostly ignoring his existence and she isn't sending death glares at him for now. Which he's glad for. Mostly for Felicity's sake more than anything else.  

Jessica Danforth, one of Star City's most influential and philanthropic billionaires, walks by him stopping to greet Donna.  

"Hi, Jessica." She says shaking her hand. 

"Hi, Donna, I'm really looking forward to Felicity's performance tonight." 

"Oh, yeah, I think it's gonna be amazing." 

"I'm sure." She says, before looking over at him and giving him a friendly smile." Hi, Officer Friendly." 

He can feel the heat rising to the back of his neck but manages to give her a sheepish smile. Oliver cannot believe the luck he's had with nicknames in his life. They just get worse and worse. 

Jessica leaves and he can feel the chill coming off Donna from nowhere. 

"Officer Friendly." She repeats with a snort before turning to him. "Let me tell you something. This  _thing_ , whatever it is, it's not good for her." 

He want's to ask how Donna can even set herself up to believe she has any idea what's good for Felicity, but he refrains. 

"How's that?" 

"When people see you two together, they see her back on that balcony." 

"Okay. So, Chase. He's better for her?" 

"Well, he doesn't throw her off her game. You do." 

"I saved her life." 

"You're a cop. That's sort of your job."  

"What about your job?" He asks. More than a little irritated. "I mean, I know if I had a daughter, especially one as amazing as that one, I'd get her some help." 

Donna scoffs, rolling her eyes. 

"You've been screwing her for five minutes. I guess you've got her all figured out. Seven thousand people are out there about to start screaming her name. I promise you, that is all the help she needs." 

"Hey, everything alright out here?" Felicity asks from the doorway. He's a little surprised when he sees her. She looks like a shiny new barbie doll, Felicity is gorgeous in everything she wears, but he doesn't think he's ever seen her look less like herself. 

"Yeah, we're good." He says, Donna gives her a smile before heading in the dressing room behind her. 

"What was that about?"  

"Nothing important."

Her brow furrows and his hand lifts of it's own volition to smooth it out, but Sara rushes over from nowhere to slap his hand down. 

"Hands off the merchandise man!" She says tugging Felicity back into the room. He follows behind them going to sit on a nearby  chair. 

"Oh, Felicity about the jacket." Sin says coming over from the makeup station she was rearranging. "There are two snaps in the front, so just like in your choreography, the dancers will tug on the shoulders and it'll open right up. Go ahead and take a look." 

Felicity gives her a tight and rehearsed smile. "I'm good." She says quietly. 

"Okay well, I left the boob tape for your next dress at the house, so I'm gonna go hunt some down from another stylist. Break a leg out there." 

She just nods looking at herself in the mirror for a moment. The expression on her face is unreadable. 

He's about to ask her if she's okay when a young man comes into the room telling them there are only five minutes until their performance and that they have to head to the stage. Felicity perks up, quickly following him out of the room.

Donna gives Felicity one last once over before she heads out onto the stage followed by a man he recognizes as Chase Cain and then Donna comes to stand at the edge of the stage with him to watch the performance.  

Felicity and Chase take their places on stage and another moment passes before the lights shine on them, the music begins to play, and Felicity starts to sing. 

 _Lalalala_ _,_ _I_ _'_ _ll_ _go_ _whenever_ _you press play, pause whenever you want babe._  

He quickly realizes he's never actually seen Felicity perform . She's like a completely different person. Her movements are sure and sensual and with every dip and swing of her hips she looks more in her element. 

The stage setting reminds him of the Barbie DreamHouse his sister had as a child. Chase is sitting on a bed filming with a classic camcorder that's being projected onto the backdrop. The performance is pretty raunchy but it's also pretty impressive, especially knowing the hours of work Felicity poured into it _._  

 _Keep my property private, b_ _etween me and you they ain't gotta know what we do_  

There's a second when she makes eye contact with him and smiles like she's singing only for him and he feels his face forming one of those goofy smiles she tends to pulls out of him.  

She does a little dip before coming back up and the dancers reach out to her, he recognizes it as the scene where they rip the jacket from her that Sin was talking about. Only when they go to tug at it, Felicity hugs the jacket tighter to her body, pulling her shoulders from their hands. 

 _Mmmm, Don't Stop until you finish, so bad feels like I'm sinning_  

She doesn’t miss a beat and the surprised dancers adjust quickly. The incident blends in with the performance and the only reason he notices it at all is because he'd already known what was supposed to happen.  

He feels Donna's eyes drift toward him and makes a conscious decision not to look her way. 

 _This boy's got so much dirt on me, I_ _s_ _wear if he told a soul where could I go? Keep my property_ _private._  

Felicity saunters over to the bed where Chase is sitting, pushing him flat before climbing on top of him. A flare of jealousy rises in him, seeing his girlfriend on a bed with another man, but it dies out quickly, he's secure enough in his relationship not to be threatened by the likes of Chase Cain.  

He dips her backwards and his hand travels down the front of her body to the waist of the jacket, which he tries to pull open but Felicity pushes his hand away. 

 _Keep my pr_ _operty_ _private_ _,_ _don't want them all up in my business, affecting m_ _y business_  

Again the struggle lasts only a second and granted he's never seen her part with Chase, but his gut begins to stir, he doesn't think it's supposed to be this aggressive.  

Chase's hands rise back up to her waist but Felicity grabs his hand pushing it down into the bed with finality, he snatches his hand away from her grip. Chase stands lifting and spinning her around to the side of the bed. When he puts her down he pushes her down into the bed.  

 _Heart driving me I_ _wanna feel safe_ _but keep my p_ _roperty private, gotta_ _maintain a squeaky clean image_  

Oliver is having the hardest time trying to decipher the intended movements from the impromptu ones that are unfolding onstage, but Felicity turns around on the bed looking unsurprised holding her hand out for Chase to take. He takes it pulling her up, but then Chase looks over directly at him before pushing Felicity back onto the bed roughly in a move he knows was not supposed to happen. 

He leans down pressing his face between her legs and trailing up to her body before standing and pulling her with him.  

When she gets to her feet, Felicity pushes him away from her. He knows her well enough to see that she's getting angry, but she continues to sing as if it was all planned.  

_Bet they don't know that you a sinner girl, b_ _ut you're picture perfect don't worry about that image girl_

The crowd is none the wiser cheering loudly as Chase begins his part of the song, walking over to center stage. Felicity stays over by the bed adjusting her jacket before walking over to him. She presses against him, swaying and grinding, and it all seems back to normal until she does another dip. Chase puts his hand on her head, pushing her face into his crotch. She tries to stand but he pushes her back down. Felicity pushes his body away roughly so she can stand back up.

Someone cuts the music and Felicity seems to be in a face off with Chase. The two of them glaring harshly at one another before she turns to leave the stage. 

Oliver is seething and confused and two seconds from running up there himself. Donna runs her fingers over her face in distress. 

The crowd continues to cheer, as if somehow unaware of what had just transpired. Chase reaches out for her hand, pulling her back to him, his arm going around her shoulders. 

"Hey, hold up. Hold up. I need to set the record straight." He says into the microphone, a dark smile on his face. "See, I ain't been getting cheated on. I cut her off. That's why she took that skydive off the balcony." 

He sees the moment Felicity's face goes from anger to fear. 

Donna is frantic. "Kill his mic. Kill his mic!"

He takes the moment of surprise to try and rip the jacket from her body again, there's a skin tight latex outfit underneath that he now realizes she wasn't comfortable doing the performance in.  

As soon as his hands touch her, Oliver is going on stage to get her. Chase drops the jacket when he sees him and Felicity rushes to his side. 

"You see Officer Hero, here? He's just getting my sloppy seconds." He says laughing to himself.  

It takes every fiber of his being not to punch this idiot in his fucking face. He can see in his eyes, behind that vile smirk, that regardless of his talk, Chase is intimidated by him, he's a coward. He can already taste the satisfaction that he'd get from laying into him, but he feels Felicity's trembling fingers on his arm and he knows that she's more important. So he turns away from him. 

But his retreat only emboldens Chase. 

"She's just with you to keep you quiet! Man, you know that bitch is a freak." 

Hearing this fucking loser call Felicity a bitch is the final straw and before he knows it his fist is connecting with Chase's face and he falls to the floor.  

The next thing he knows he's being pulled away by Chase's bodyguards. It's frantic but he doesn't fight it, Chase is passed out on stage so he has no reason to.  

When they pull him to his feet he looks past them to check on Felicity and sees her being pulled away from the stage by her mother and Sara.  

He know this all played out in front of 7000 people, not to mention the millions of viewers at home. His mother will undoubtedly be here in the next twenty minutes and there's a chance Chase will press charges when he comes to.  

Glancing to his unmoving body on the floor, he can't help but think he'd do it again. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Going to hide under a rock now.


	15. Shelter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Felicity-Post performance  
> http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=221436173

Shelter

Birdy  
(originally by The xx)   
   
 

I find shelter in this way   
Undercover, hide away   
Can you hear when I say   
I have never felt this way   
   
Maybe I had said something that was wrong   
Can I make it better with the lights turned on   
Maybe I had said something that was wrong   
Can I make it better with the lights turned on   
   
   
Can I be, was I there   
Felt so crystal in the air   
I still want to drown whenever you leave   
Please teach me gently on how to breathe   
   
And I'll cross oceans like never before   
So you can feel the way I feel it too   
And I'll send images back at you   
So you can see the way I feel it too   
   
Maybe I had said something that was wrong   
Can I make it better with the lights turned on   
Maybe I had said something that was wrong   
Can I make it better with the lights turned on   
 

 

 

Felicity once told Oliver that she was a good judge of character. 

A part of her wants to laugh just thinking about it. 

Leaving the stage she was taken back to her dressing room, luckily enough Sin was able to bring her a change of clothes from somewhere.  

She's been sitting in the same spot for the last twenty minutes just trying to wrap her mind around what had just happened.  

Trying to figure out where things went left or how she could have read a situation so wrong. 

The moment when she originally strayed from the choreography replays as a starting point in her mind. She'd underestimated how uncomfortable she'd be on the carpet in the flesh tone dress that she'd worn and it had her on edge the entire time.  

And when she got to her dressing room and swapped to her stage wear the feeling intensified. The bubblegum pink latex hugging every curve of her body, her  _everything_ on display for  _everyone_ to see. But she was resolute to stick to the plan. Things had to be perfect. 

But when she was on stage, she caught a glimpse of Oliver in the audience and the proud look on his face. And she just couldn't bring herself  to do it. She couldn't force herself to. She didn't want to _._ So she didn't. And that was supposed to be it.  

She hadn't spoken to Chase all day, but she held his hand as his group did their habitual prayer before the performance. Everything had been fine. 

 _H_ _ow_ _could he_ _do this?_  

She'd tried to play off his overly aggressive movements that were so different from rehearsals as nerves. Tried to save the performance. The defining performance that had to be perfect. 

That had burned in flames along with her career and reputation. 

 _How could she not have known?_  

Someone as vain as Chase, the world believing he'd been dumped for some regular guy. She'd been so fucking stupid. 

She felt so violated. The way his hands had touched her. Grabbed her. Pushed her down. Pressed himself into her face.  

 _S_ _o humiliated._  

Just thinking about it made her heart pound and her palms sweat.  

And then Oliver. Her Oliver was there to defend her. To save her again. 

She wanted him here. She wanted him and she wanted her mom. She wanted her mom to tell her everything would be okay while Oliver held her and kissed her head. She wanted to be told that the shame she was feeling wasn't for her. That it was him who should be carrying it.  

But Oliver wasn't there, probably somewhere dealing with the fallout of what had happened, and her mother was on the phone trying to hold together her already fledgling career from its death blow. 

"It could... It could just be a non-story tomorrow." She lied into the phone. This would be a story for weeks, months depending on the fallout. She would never recover from this. "Just give me...Come on, Slade, plea-" 

Slade must have hung up on her because she just throws the phone on to the coffee table then. 

She can see the disappointment. She can feel it in every one of her mother's movements. But she hopes. She hopes that she'll put it to the side just for a moment and comfort her. But she knows her mother. Even better than she knows herself and so she knows that she won't. But she hopes. 

"Mom... " 

"Congratulations. You're a fucking cliche." Donna drops her head into her hands, refusing to even look at her. And Felicity feels the shame in her chest double. 

 _T_ _here goes another person_ _you've_ _let down._  

She need to be away from her. Rising on shaky legs, she goes to the door of the dressing room, opening it to see Rene and a few other bodyguards and police officers on the other side. 

"I need to go home." 

 

She somehow manages to hold herself together throughout the car ride, making it home with minimal fuss. She tries to push everything about this night down inside of her. But it's just one more thing added to a pot already on the verge of boiling over. It's just too much. 

She thinks of her mothers face. Thinks of what people will be saying about her tomorrow. Thinks about all the wasted time and sacrifices. Thinks about that young girl with pink hair and glasses, who looked at a picture of her naked on her knees in front of a man and saw someone to aspire to be. 

And she feels so much shame. It bubbles up inside her trying to find an outlet, her fingers shaking, her chest feels like it's closing in on her when she turns around and sees it.  

The collage of posters her mother had set up on the wall. The collection of her first major covers. 

The one with Chase. Another of her bent over a desk. Another of her laid out in a bed, the sheet the only thing covering her body.  

Her chest tightens with so much hatred she can barely breathe. She  _hates_ that woman. She hates what she allowed herself to become. She hates that she allowed these images to permeate her home without saying anything. She hates that she's a doormat. She hates that she's a doll waiting to be molded into whatever the player wants for that day. Her soul auctioned off like a commodity. 

Before she realizes what she's doing her arm is crashing into the glass frame. She doesn’t even feel it. She doesn’t feel anything at all. So she does it again. And again.  _And again._  

 

>\------> 

 

After being walked off stage by security, Oliver is escorted to a holding room on the premises. He's there for maybe twenty minutes before the door opens to reveal his mother.  

She's in plainclothes, her face as disappointed as he'd expected it to be. 

"Well, come on." She says, turning around leaving the door open. 

He stands to follow her down the hallway, waiting on her to say something. But she doesn’t, even after they leave the building, she just continues walking silently. 

Oliver's never been one to handle the silent treatment well, so he stops walking and calls out to her. 

"Mom." 

"What Oliver?" She says turning to face him.  

"Can you say something?" 

"Like what, 'I told you so'?" 

"Never mind. The silent treatment was better." 

"I just don't get it Oliver. What are you, some common thug now? You're feeling yourself because you're sleeping with a superstar?" 

"I was defending her." 

"You threw the first punch. That's not self-defense." 

"I didn't say it was  _self-defense_. I said I was defending her." 

"Oliver, you just got into a  _brawl_ with a rapper on national television." She says appalled. "Is that how you expect to gain the respect of the pastors? This crazy broad has got you all-" 

"Don't call her that!" He can't hear this from her right now. And he couldn't give two shits about Pastor Blood right now. "I don’t have to justify my personal life to anyone." 

"Yeah, it's your life, Oliver. Maybe get your head out of your ass before you throw it away." 

"Why don't you just go get your own life, all right? So you don't have to worry so much about mine." 

He leaves her then. He'll find his own way back to Felicity's.  

By some miracle he spots Rene, who tells him she's already left in her limo and quickly agrees to give him a ride to her house. 

 _"You did the right thing. She didn't deserve that."_  

They make it to her place quickly, the trouble is getting through the sea of photographers to the gate. But he makes it there eventually, typing in the code for the tall gate. 

When he gets to the door he sees that it’s partially open and is immediately on guard. He hears the sound of breaking glass and rushes inside, only to find Felicity punching at the picture frames on the wall. Her small hands tearing at the paper inside them. 

"Felicity!" He lifts her away from the wall, but her hands claw at his arm, an agonized wail comes from her body as she fights him away. "Felicity, stop!" 

She must realize it’s him because she just sinks to the floor sobbing, her breaths coming too fast. He shushes her, his hand rubbing her back, but his empty reassurances seem to fall on deaf ears. 

"I feel like I'm suffocating in the middle of the street and no one can see me dying." She whispers through inhales of air, her head cradled her hands.

He feels helpless. And useless. Just like he did the night he met her when she was hanging off that balcony. And just like that night, he's speechless in the wake of her sadness. This woman has quickly become one of the most important people in his tiny universe and he has no idea how to help her. 

Her arm is bloodied, small cuts along the sides of her hand and wrist. He can't bring himself to leave her and a grab a towel, so he settles for the t-shirt he's wearing. He wraps it around her arm gingerly.  

 _A_ _t least I can do this._  

Her cries have quieted down as she tries to catch her breath. He wishes he could just stop the world for her. Just freeze time and give her a moment to recover alone. If this is anything like last time, she'll be on the news circuits tomorrow doing damage control.  

 _She needs to not be here at all._  

 

He goes to the car and pulls a t-shirt from his gym bag to change into before pulling out of the wide gates of Felicity's home. The cameras are flashing before he even pulls out. 

 _"Oliver, over here! "_  

 _"Where is she?"_  

 _"Where's Felicity_ _?"_  

 _"Oliver!_ _"_  

 _"Where's Felicity_ _?_ _"_  

 _"_ _Come on!"_  

He meets the same opposition at his own home. There are easily twenty reporters lining the street. A few of his neighbors are even gathered outside to gawk at them. They lose momentum when they see he's the only one there to photograph. 

Jake lights up when he sees him and he can see the disappointment on the dogs face when he sees he's alone.  

He packs a bag quickly. Grabbing clothes and essentials from around the room. He grabs the emergency money he keeps stashed in his nightstand with his passport, grabs Jake's leash and heads back out to the car quickly. Leaving the room he catches a glimpse of a quote on a post-it on his mirror in unmistakable scrawl. 

 _If you don't know where you're going, any road will take you there._  

 

He hit's the highway from there, heading South. With any luck he won’t be back for a while so he calls Thea, leaving a message when it goes to voicemail. 

"Hey, Thea, it's me. I need a favor. I need you to talk to mom, tell her I'll be out a couple days. And everything's fine, um... I just need some time off.  My phone will probably be off tell everyone not to worry okay. I'm fine. I love you. I'll see you in a week or so, alright?" 

He hangs up the phone and pulls over to the side of the road checking the surrounding areas before turning around to the backseat. 

"It's okay. You can come up now." 

Felicity looks up from her spot on the floor of the backseat where she'd been crouched down. She looks so small. He helps her crawl over the armrest to the passenger seat before pulling off again. 

They drive for hours that night. 

At some point she rolls the window down letting the night air rush over her face. She doesn’t say anything or even nap the entire ride. Not even when they cross the border into Mexico as the sun rises. 

They drive another few hours into the country until he sees coastline.  

He stops at a small hotel on a hidden strip of beachfront.  Barely visible from the road.  

If Felicity was herself, she'd probably make a joke about how obscure the hotel was. He leaves her in the car while he goes to talk to the owner, who gives him a deal at about 300 dollars for a week. 

A part of him dreads seeing what the hotel looks like on the inside but he's pleasantly surprised to find a homey little room with a view of the beach. There's a bed, a bathroom, a tv, and a coffee machine, so basically everything they could ever need is available.  

He sets his bag down and unleashes Jake while Felicity goes to the window spreading the curtains to let more air into the room. She sit's on the bed then, looking up at him for direction. But he takes a seat at the small table across from her. 

"So now what?" Her voice is soft and he realizes they're the first words she's spoken since they left her house. 

"Whatever you want." He shrugs. 

"Can I sleep? Just for a little bit?" She sounds exhausted. 

Besides being awake the last twenty-four hours, her schedule this week has been grueling. Waking with him in the morning, and coming back well after dark. And he's noticed she's a fitful sleeper.  No nightmares or anything, she just never seems rested after waking. 

So he just nods and stands to help her toe off her sneakers. She slips under the quilt on the bed and he tucks it around her body before sitting down next to her.  

She closes her eyes and it's not five minutes before she's out. 

Having just driven nearly nine hours, he's a little  worn out himself. So slipping off his shoes, he curls into bed beside her. 

>\--------> 

Felicity wakes to the sound of ocean waves and birds chirping. She feels a little disoriented and it takes her a minute to remember she's somewhere in Mexico. She rolls over on the unfamiliar bed and comes face to face with Jake, who seems to be waiting for her to wake up.  

"Hey boy." She whispers, her voice coming out like sandpaper. Jake doesn't seem to mind though, coming to rest his head on her chest, trying to give her kisses on her chin.  

It makes her giggle a bit before pushing him to the side to stretch her stiff muscles. The door opens gently and she spots Oliver stepping quietly around it in an attempt not to wake her. 

He turns around, obviously surprised to see her awake, a smile spreading across his lips. 

"You're up?" He says coming to sit at the small table across from the bed with a styrofoam box of food. 

"How long have I been out?" Looking around it seems to be about the same time it was when she first fell asleep. But she can't remember the last time she felt so rested. 

He smiles and points to one of a few empty boxes of food on the table. "Well... that was lunch, that was dinner, and this," He holds up the new box of food. "Is breakfast. 

"Wow.  Sorry." She can't believe she slept through an entire day. But the fact that she's ravenous when the scent of food hits her nose tells her it's true.  

"No, it's okay. Jake and I found some great restaurants nearby and he finally got some time outside. You hungry?" 

"Starving." She says clambering from under the thick quilt and making her way to the seat across from him. Her nose was wrong. It's not tacos, but some other kind of fried awesomeness she doesn't recognize. She takes a bite and can't help the moan that erupts from her. 

As usually Oliver is mostly just amused by her. Since she's basically commandeered the food she holds it out for Oliver to take a bite.  

"Aah!" He pulls back when one of her long fingernails stabs him in the lip.  

"Sorry, sorry!" 

"Geez, talons, I knew those things were dangerous." 

"Oh, my God. All right, that's it. Nails be gone." She says, picking up the keys to pop off the acrylics. Her nails are seriously damaged underneath. Flaky and brittle, she doesn't think she'll ever get these again. Seeing as how her career is over it's not something she'll ever have to worry about again anyway. 

"So are we doing anything today?" She asks, looking up from her work as she pops another off.  

Oliver just points out the window to the beach, which now that she's had a chance to really see, is breathtaking. Crystal blue waters further than her eye can see, the beach is uninhabited, and the warm sun would make for perfect weather.  

"Do I have any clothes?" She asks, genuinely curious. She doesn't remember them packing any before she hid in the backseat of the truck.  

"I actually forgot to pack you a bag in the heat of the moment." He says sheepishly. "But I grabbed these off my nightstand and a few other things from around the house." 

He stands to grab her glasses from a compartment on his duffle. 

"Oh wow thanks, I'm glad you brought these. I think I'm the only person on Earth who prefers glasses to contacts." She says, rising to wash her hands quickly, before taking out the itchy contacts she'd slept in and trashing them.  

"Good, as far as clothes go, I suppose you could borrow mine until we can make it to a store or something." 

"That's fine, I don't really plan on being seen by anyone but you for a while anyway." 

 

They don't leave the room for nearly a week.    

They sleep in and watch telenovelas. They eat the most amazing food she's ever had in her life. They swim and chase Jake up and down the coastline. She finds an instant camera that belongs to Thea in his truck and she finds herself taking pictures of everything.

The beach is amazing. It's not like it's her first time at one, but she's never been to one this secluded. And she's never been to one with Oliver. It's the most amazing time she's ever had with anyone. He races her and Jake up the beach, letting her win, only for the both of them to be bested by the dog. She jumps onto his back, surprising him, bringing him down into the water. He spins her around in circles until she's laughing so hard she can't breathe.    

Sometimes he just sits with her.    

She can't believe she experienced one of the worst days of her life a few short days ago. The Oliver Queen bubble is in full effect, and the more time she spends inside it, the less she cares about whatever storm is brewing back home. She's so fucking grateful that he got her out of there when he did. As much as she loves singing and performing, a small part of her is happy it's all over for her, because now she can just spend her days with him. No worries about appearances, or crappy photo shoots, or feeling anything but happy. Maybe she can go back to school or learn to cook or do something totally left field... like open a fucking apothecary.     

It's like a whole nother world, where they don't have to share each other with anyone else.  

  

She learns new things about him.  

 _"I don't believe you!" She cries in between gut wrenching laughter, as he retells stories of high school pranks and_ _suspensions_ _._   

 _"I swear, it was all Tommy's fault! I still don't know where he got the cow from. Principal Stein never forgave us for it."_   

  

He learned new things about her.   

 _"Are you from_ _Star City?"_   

 _"Did you not Google me Oliver?" She asks teasing, but also genuinely curious._   

 _"Would you have wanted me too?"_   

 _"No, to both your questions._ _Born and raised in Vegas."_   

 _His eyebrows raise at that. "W_ _as little_ _Felicity_ _Smoak raising hell on blackjack tables citywide?"_   

 _"Felicity Smoak, no, but_ _Felicity_ _Kuttler is banned from many a Vegas casino."_   

 _"Kuttler? How'd that happen?"_   

 _"_ _When my dad left my mom, I_ _think_ _she just wanted to be free of everything that tied her to him. She has this thing about being on top, so she_ _wasn't gonna sit_ _around_ _and let us be this thing Noah Kuttler left.  'He didn't want us we, don’t need him.' "_   

  

She discovers his hidden talents.  

 _"I'm actually_ _California's_ _Archery State Champion three years running."_   

  

And he discovers talents she'd forgotten all about.  

 _"My Robotics Club won a national championship in high school, and I_ _was awarded a full ride to_ _MIT but I had to pass on it when my old_ _girl group_ _got signed to Palmer Recordings."_   

  

He draws pictures on her skin in ink.  

 _"Oliver, what is this even?" She asks pressing into the skin of her thigh, trying to will an image to appear._   

 _"It was supposed to be a whale."_   

 _"Well I think I finally found_ _something_ _you're not good at."_   

  

They dance on the bed to Mexican pop songs they don't understand a lick of.  

 _Oliver's_ _ChaCha_ _could use some work, but she can't complain about the weight of his palm settled on her hip or the grip of his fingers intertwined with her own._   

 

Their second Sunday in the room she cuts out her extensions. Oliver's still asleep when she heads into the bathroom with a utility knife, carefully knicking the wefts until bright pink locks line the bathroom sink.   

She uses the entire bottle of harsh hotel shampoo working on removing the color. Thanks to the extensions her own hair is left relatively unscathed, the frizzy waves popping back quickly, only a pale pink tint left on the blonde tendrils.  

She's suddenly nervous when she hears Oliver clamoring around the room. Feeling vulnerable and exposed. She hasn't worn her hair since high school, and even then it was routinely blown out like clockwork.  

Toeing around the corner, Oliver comes into full view. She can see the surprise on his face as he walks over to her. His smile widening the closer he gets, it's contagious and she finds herself matching it, laughing as he raises his hand to wrap his finger around a curl, watching it snap back into place upon release.   

His hands sink into her hair as he pulls her in for a kiss. First on her lips, then her cheeks and forehead, finally into the curls themselves. Pulling a laugh from her.  

She wraps her arms around him tightly pressing a kiss into his shoulder. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys! Your response to last chapter was amazing! *fans eyes dramatically* Thank you so much!


	16. New Balance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay guys, I had to send my laptop in for repairs and haven't been able to write like I want when I have free time. On the upside, I think you guys will like this chapter :D The photo collage was fun to curate.
> 
> Felicity  
> http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=222555558
> 
> Vacation Photos  
> http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=222555553

New Balance 

Jhene Aiko 

 

Most of us are angry   
Most of us are strangely   
More alike than we'd like to believe   
Most of us are empty   
Most of us are simply   
More alive in the scenes of our dreams   
   
Then there's you   
You've got something I've been wanting, oooh   
You're so new   
You're my salvage, you're my balance, oooh   
You're so new   
   
Most of us are hurting   
Most of us are searching   
Someone to love   
Someone to understand   
Most the time I'm fighting   
Multiple voices residing   
In my head   
   
Then there's you   
You bring silence to my violent truth   
Yes you do   
You're my salvage, you're my balance, oooh   
You're so new   
   
It hit me like a tidal wave   
Knew that I was in love with you right away, yeah   
Turned all my days into brighter days   
Even when people say what we do is not okay   
According to what the people say, yeah   
Who cares what other people say?   
Man fuck what other people say   
I'ma ride for you   
Baby, if you gon' ride for me   
Cause I know, yes I know   
That what we have is oh so real   
And oh I feel so confident in   
All you say   
When you say   
You'll never leave   
You'll never leave   
Please never leave   
Yeah, I believe you   
Yeah I do   
   
Most of all I am thankful   
You are just what I prayed for   
You are what I was made for   
Yes, I'm for sure   
Most of all   
I just want to mean the most to you   
Most of all, baby, I'm just tryna grow with you   
I just wanna go with you   
Cause you bring so much hope to the picture   
Some of us do find the one   
To fall in love   
And off of the   
Fucking face of the Earth with   
Some of us do deserve it   
A love that's true and perfect   
Some of us been through it all before   
Some of us do still come back for more 

 

 

She writes a lot. 

There's a ton of free time and being here cut off from everything, makes her thoughts flow more easily. Also there's an awesome hammock she sits in, that she's decided is now essential to her writing process.  

She goes out while Oliver's getting breakfast, taking her spot, writing on a paper bag one of their previous meals came in. Promising herself again she'll eventually get a notebook so she can stop stuffing random papers into that box. 

 

> I rise, as the phoenix escapes from me   
>  through the fire, through the flames   
>  leaving ashes underneath 

She's found herself playing with this melody for a while now. Since Oliver came into her life if she's being honest even though it's not really a love song. It's beautifully triumphant and she feels especially connected to it for some reason. Even after starting new songs or being distracted by a new rhythm in her mind she always comes back to it. 

Oliver comes back shortly and they make plans to venture out of the room later that afternoon over empanadas and sopapilla. Granted she eats most of it. 

Being that Oliver is a total neat freak, she helps him make the bed, although she can't remember the last time she made her own. They change out the sheets with the replacements the housekeeper brought the previous afternoon. They get them on and she can't pass up the opportunity to sucker him with a pillow to the side of the face. 

He falls dramatically down to the mattress and she seizes her victory by bombarding him with pillows. 

"You're such a traitor, Felicity." His betrayed expression dampened by the mirth playing his eyes. 

"You're such a drama queen, Oliver... There's an excellent pun in there somewhere." She teases laughing at him, only to be bested, losing her advantage in the fight when he stands back up to drop both pillows on top of her. She kicks a foot up at him, but adept as ever, he catches it by her ankle. 

She's still laughing when she feels his hands soften their grip, tracing over the skin softly before trailing a finger up her leg to her thigh and over her belly with delicious intent.  

The soft touch tickles but also causes a sweet tremor to run through her. 

His finger finds it's way to her chin, lifting her head up as he leans down to press his lips to hers. The kiss is tender and sweet and makes her feel delicate. She loses  herself in the taste of him until he pulls away suddenly and she's left leaning into air.  

He pulls her to a sitting position, his eyes never leaving hers as he tugs her borrowed tank over her head. 

He takes a moment to just look at her, and she realizes she should probably feel exposed but every part of this feels natural. She feels his body weight pressing into hers as he crawls over her until they're face to face. He kisses her again, foregoing her mouth to trail his lips down the bridge of her nose, peppering kisses along the high points of her cheeks before sweeping over to her ear and down the column of her neck. 

The further down his mouth travels the more electric she feels.  

Over collarbones, the valley between her breasts, the dip of her navel. 

_Down_

_Down_

_Down_

Dragging her shorts with him.  

Kisses along her inner thighs, the sensitive bend of her knee. 

He swaps legs when he gets to her ankles, nipping his way back up, bending her leg when he gets to the crease between her legs, lifting her knee higher and over his shoulder, spreading her wider. His breaths are warm against her. 

Her head falls back to the bed when she feels his tongue on her.  

"Oh God." 

A contrast to his soft and delicate touches, his mouth is hot and heavy, thrusting and stroking. Every fiber of her feels concentrated between her legs and she keens when his fingers press into her. 

Her heart is thundering, her hips undulate against him, her pleasure escaping her mouth freely and unbidden. 

He bites at her and her hand presses into his head, operating on it's own authority. Simultaneously pushing him away and also not allowing him to do so. 

God knows she has no control of her body at this point.  

She bites her lip trying to censor herself but it's difficult when he feels so good, so her efforts are mostly futile, his name a constant falling her a mouth. 

It feels like forever since she had him on the plane and while that was perfect for so many reasons, this slow and deliberate Oliver who is completely devoted to making her feel amazing is like a completely different experience. 

His mouth become more focused against her and she feels herself fluttering over his fingers.  

The pressure builds into a deep release that causes her entire body to tense and throb wonderfully while she grabs at the covers under her.   

"Oliver..." She gasps out, arching into the air, riding the wave for what feels like an eternity.  

His fingers are still circling her entrance when she collapses back into the bed in a boneless heap, tiny convulsions still flowing through her. 

In what feels like a distant part of her fuzzy blissed out brain, she registers Oliver's lips trailing back up her body. 

He bites at her nipple and she squeaks in surprise, pushing his head away from her while he laughs at her. 

"Shut up." She mumbles as his smiling lips take over hers, kissing her deeply. 

She moans into his mouth, her body already worked back up and ready for him. 

"I think we need to speed this up a little." She huffs. 

He grinds into her a little, lifting her leg to wrap around his waist. 

"I'm not gonna let you rush me this time Felicity Smoak." He says into her chin, his hips undulating rubbing her in the most delicious ways, growling when she tightens her legs around him in retaliation. 

"Well it's your fault if I spontaneously combust." She pants out as his hips continue to slide against her. 

He just huffs out a laugh as his lips find hers, kissing her deeply again. As worked up as she is, she can't help but lose herself in it. So much so, she doesn't even notice the shift in his movements until he's pushing inside her. 

They both cry out at the sensation as he settles into her. 

She can't tell where Oliver ends and she begins. His mouth wet and hot against her chin, her hands on his back, his body inside of her, she feels like an endless expanse of limbs and sweat and desire. 

"Oliver, I... I need..." 

"I know." He says, clenching his jaw, tightening his grip on her hips as he grinds into her before pulling back. 

His hands travel to her knee pulling it higher on his waist as his movements increase, breaths growing shorter the deeper his gentle thrusts take him. 

His forehead presses into hers and she opens her eyes to find his staring back at her, full of wonder and adoration that makes her feel so incredibly loved in that moment. 

She palms his cheek, thumb tracing the outline of his full lips as he lets out a groan before kissing her intensely, his biting lips trailing down her neck. 

His rhythm speeds up and she arches into him, hands searching for leverage in his shoulders. 

The faster he moves the tighter her legs become around his waist. His hand shift from her leg to her back, pulling her body to his own as he sits up, repositioning her into his lap. Her knees dig into the mattress around him, the wave she's riding taking her higher and higher. 

"Oh my God..." She groans out as her nonexistent nails find purchase in his shoulders, his face buried between her breasts, alternating between them until she's breathless. 

"Fuck, Felicity... Jesus you're amazing." He grunts into her, his hands tightening on her hips, movements becoming erratic as she feels herself fluttering around him.  

He bucks roughly into her and she feels his fingers edging around her hips to press into her coaxing her closer and closer to the edge. She knows neither of them will be lasting much longer. 

She circles her hips around him and it's enough to send her off the precipice she'd been climbing. Her senses becomes foggy the only thing breaking through the haze the feeling of him inside her and the sounds escaping from the both of them.  

His movements don't slow, pushing her through it until she feels him still against her with a groan that's almost enough to work her back up. 

She doesn’t even realize her hips are still grinding into him until he pulls out of her, laying her back into the bed, his head resting on her chest as they catch their breaths. 

Felicity's fingers drift up and down his back lazily, Oliver nuzzling at her collarbone like a content puppy before leaning up to press a kiss to her temple. 

"I think we should stay in and do this all day." He says when he lays his head back into her chest, eyes closed like a content puppy. 

She laughs a little breathlessly but can't find any fault with his plan. 

"No argument from me babe." 

 

They actually manage to make it out of the hotel the next day. 

She's been wearing his sweatpants and boxers all week and hasn't seen a bra the entire time she's been in Mexico. Which was actually kind of nice but she wants to feel like a girl again. They grab her a few sundresses and a pair of sandals, as well as a few other necessities at the store near the restaurant they've been frequenting. Oliver laughs when she gets a pack of boys superhero boxer briefs for underwear. 

They rent a scooter and she rides with her arms wrapped around him touring the city for a few days as she eats her weight in paletas. There's a carnival in town that they stop at often. Enjoying the food and the atmosphere, just being regular people in a sea of other regular people. The local high school has extremely spirited futbol games and she and Oliver find themselves rooting for the home team during a few evenings.  

They sneak photos of each other at every opportunity, almost competitively. Half of the ones Oliver takes she's either asleep or stuffing her face because those are literally her new favorite things to do. Jake hops into all her selfies but she doesn't mind. Oliver is unsurprisingly photogenic to an almost ridiculous degree but he fights her everytime she tries to get him to sit still for a picture. But she always wins and takes them anyway and even he has to admit they all come out awesome. 

It takes a while before she's comfortable being outside without sunglasses, sure that someone will recognize her, but after awhile she starts to leave the them at the hotel., opting for vision over privacy. 

They go to an open air market on Saturday and it's amazing. The people are as lively and colorful as the items they sell. Small toys and pinatas as tall as she is, bags and sombreros and jewelry.  

A woman comes up to them holding a few beaded bracelets in her hands to sell.  

"Beautiful silver for your beautiful senorita, senior?" She gestures at the table showcasing the silver necklaces and bracelets. A braided leather cuff with silver accents catches her eye and she immediately knows she want's Oliver to have it. 

"Uh, cuantos?" She hopes her rudimentary Spanish skills are kicking in. 

"Cuarenta, senorita."  

Oliver shakes his head no, tugging her arm to pull her away."No, we can't afford it. We just bought these clothes." 

"Stop kidding, give me the money." 

"Absolutely not, it's like six meals."  

"I think I'm good for it." She says rolling her eyes. 

"Oh really?"  

He raises a brow at her, amusement playing in his eyes. It has her wondering if her identity's been stolen or something. She hasn't checked her bank account balance in awhile, but she's pretty sure it's all still there. 

"Yes, you dork, why are you being weird?" 

"Check your pockets, baby. You are B-R-O-K-E, _broke_. So, come on." He says laughing, backing away from the table. "Vamonos, senorita." 

Felicity's surprised to say the least. She can't remember the last time she couldn't afford to get something she wanted. Or even had to prioritize needs over desires.  

She doesn't know why, but she wants this for Oliver.  

It's ironic, a week and a half ago she had on a ring worth ten grand on her pinky and now she can't spend forty bucks on a bracelet.  

She's putting the bracelet down when she remembers she's still wearing her earrings from that night. Bright pink sapphires, they have to be worth at least 1,500 dollars.  

She takes them out and hands them to the woman. "These too?" She says pointing at a beaded rainbow bracelet for herself and a bright collar she wants for Jake. 

"Si, si, gracias senorita." She says smiling as she accepts the jewels from her. 

Oliver rushes back over when he realizes what's happening. Already taking his wallet out to pay asking price for the bracelet."Wait, what are you doing?"  

"No, gracias, senior." She says politely, shooing him away. It's honestly the sweetest brush off and the funniest way she's ever seen somebody deny a return policy and Felicity has to bite her lip to keep from laughing. 

"Are you serious?" He says turning back to her. 

"Yes. This is worth way more than the earrings." 

Relief covers his face, a conspiratorial smile spreading as if he's in on a prank. "Oh, they're fake." 

"No, of course not Oliver." 

"Then what are you doing?" 

She holds the bracelet up to him. "This is a merit badge. You have to earn these, Queen. So, for basically giving me the middle finger the night we first met. And, for saying  _"I love you"_ and meaning it, even if it was just for a second." He laughs then, his cheeks coloring remembering his slip up on the plane. "For not caring about the fame. And for standing here in this moment with me." She opens the clasp of the bracelet and takes his wrist to snap it in place. 

"And for truth, justice, and the American way." She teases as he leans in to press a kiss to her cheek. 

"Thank you." He says softly into her ear. 

She's still basking in the eternal warmth of being cared for and appreciated by Oliver Queen when she feels a tap on her shoulder. Turning around she sees a man smiling widely holding up a camera. 

"Excuse me? Hi, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you mind taking a picture?" 

She feels a trickle of disappointment, she'd thought she'd escaped from this. It kind of sucks to have her bubble penatrated by real life, even if it's only for a second. But she can't bring herself to be rude to a fan, especially one that’s still interested in her these days.  

"Uh, sure." 

"Thanks!" He says handing her the camera. 

 _Wait, what?_  

"Okay, it's just the two of us." He says going to wrap his arms around another woman  to her surprise. 

Oliver catches on faster than she does and is already laughing at her when she snaps the photo of the   happy couple.  

"Thank you, we appreciate it." He says taking his camera back to look at the photo completely uninterested in her,. 

"Conceited much?" Oliver says teasing her as he wraps an arm around her waist. 

"Oh my God, shut up." She says through giggles. 

They walk a little further until they spot an outdoor karaoke bar, where a man is passionately singing and dancing to Gloria Estefan's '1-2-3' on stage. It's hilarious and they stop to order dinner and watch the entertainment. 

There's a lively rendition of 'I Want It That Way' and another of 'She Bangs' before she decides to tease Oliver.  

"Why don't you get up there." 

"What?" 

"You said wanted to know what it feels like, remember?" 

"I am not that drunk." 

"Are you telling me you're scared Queen? I mean the flying thingwas bad enough." 

"Oh, so now you show your true colors. I don't exactly see you hopping in front of any bullets." 

"I'm just saying." She says holding up her hands in mock innocence. "Chicken!" She coughs into her hand. 

"Okay." He says downing the rest of his margarita. "You want a show, I'll give you a show." He stands to make his way to the stage, leafing through the booklet of song choices. She claps wildly and tries not to show how surprised she is that he took her dare at all. He taps the mic head dramatically for a sound check and she dissolved into giggles 

"All right. I'm dedicating this song to my lady, sitting right over there at the bar." He points to her and she ducks her head behind her glass but he just winks at her. "You know who you are." 

When she hears the familiar nineties R&B beat, she immediately knows what he's going to sing and she can't contain the honest-to-God chortle that falls from her lips.   

 _On a perfect day, I know that I can count on you_  

His song choice is even funnier when she realizes how truly  _awful_ Oliver's singing voice is. And the flourish with which he carries out his performance is truly the cherry on top. And of course Oliver couldn't have picked a song that came out in the last twenty years. 

 _Cause I need somebody who will stand by me,_ _through the good times and bad times she will always, always be right there_  

But she claps proudly for him throughout the performance, given that her super serious boyfriend is up there for her, not to mention the dedication in which he is singing, despite the crowd that's quickly turning on him, she can't help but support him.  

 _Sunny days, everybody loves them, but tell me baby can you stand the rain_  

She goes to stand on the small dance floor, swaying as she holds up a lighter she found on the bar top.  

 _Tell me baby_  

He's so fucking dramatic about it too. So when he holds his hand out for her to take, she takes it as an opportunity to take the mic from him before the audience revolts with pitchforks.  

"I think you're done for now." She says, the audience applauding when the music cuts out. 

"What you think you can do better?" He challenges, handing the mic to her. "Let's see what you've got Smoak." 

She laughs as she takes the mic from him, a little in disbelief about how her own prank has turned on her as he goes to stand at the foot of the stage.  

She turns around to the small crowd and a strange sensation overcomes her. Nerves? It's an odd thing, feeling nervous in front a group of fifteen strangers when she's sang for sold out amphitheaters. But there's no artifice here. No autotune, no flashy lights, no fancy costume to distract the viewers. It's just her. It reminds her of when she was small at her first talent competition and she knows without a doubt she wants to sing 'Blackbird' She realizes hasn't really sang it since that day, some part of her burying the experience deep within her, but she knows she remembers the words. 

"I want to sing this song... but I don't think they have the music, so... I guess I'm just gonna sing it acapella." 

Taking a deep breath, she opens her mouth, and lets the words flow easily. 

 

 _W_ _hy you wanna fly_ _Blackbird?_ _You ain't_ _ever gonna fly_ _._  

 _Why_ _you wanna fly_ _Blackbird?_ _You ain't_ _ever gonna fly_ _._  

 

Singing this song, she recognizes some long buried emotions battling within her, but they feel like a distant memory she barely even remembers experiencing. So she chases it, wanting to hang on. To remember a time when she felt real nerves, when she felt like what she sang to a crowd represented her as a person. 

 

 _No place big enough for_ _holdin_ _g,_ _all_ _the tears you're gonna cry_ _,_  

 _'Cause your mama's name was lonely,_ _And your daddy's name was pain_  

 _And they called you little sorrow_ _,_ _'Cause you'll never love again_  

 

She can hear the echoes of her younger self singing a song she wasn't old or jaded enough to understand yet. A song about feeling abused, and alone, and trapped.  

 

 _You ain't got no one to hold you, You ain't got no one to care,_  

 _If you'd only understand dear, Nobody_ _w_ _ants you anywhere_  

 

About a world trying to keep you in one place when you want more. She understands every word now. She's lived every one. 

 

 _So why you wanna fly_ _Blackbird?_ _You_ _ain't never gonna fly._  

 _Why you wanna fly_ _Blackbird?_ _You_ _ain't_ _ever_ _g_ _onna_ _..._  

 

She feels like a small child back on stage for her first audition. Only this time when she looks into the audience, she sees Oliver and the pride on his face. And it makes some deep dark part of her feel lighter. The audience claps, a few of them standing and cheering.  

She's not sure when she started crying and an embarrassed giggle escapes from her, she feels a little silly, Debbie Downer tearing up at a party. But they cheer and it feels good. Oliver joins her back on stage, enveloping her in one of his warm and comforting hugs. 

"Well I guess you win this time." He whispers into her hair and she bursts into a fit of laughter.  

 

They head back to the hotel shortly after that. They shower together in the small bathtub and Felicity counts this day as a win as soon as Oliver lifts her against the slippery tile and pushes inside of her. 

 

They decide to stay in the next morning. The idea of putting on underwear and clothes and going out into the world is much less appealing than laying half naked in bed and watching telenovelas all day. There's a  _Passions of Santos_ marathon on, and they're strangely invested in finding out what happens to President Santos and his beloved Blanca.  

"I can't believe she married his evil twin brother, while he's on an island fighting for his life." Oliver comments from under her. She's laying on top of his back, her chin resting on his shoulder, the covers wrapped around the both of them.  

"In her defense, she didn't even know he had a twin, let alone that he'd swapped places with him."  

"For future reference, if I'm stranded on an island, presumed dead, don't move on. Don't tell yourself it's what I'd want, I expect you to wait for me." He says petulantly. 

"You got it babe. I'll die a spinster with twenty-seven cats before I let you go."  

"Damn straight."  

There's a knock at the door and she shifts off of him so he can give the maid the old sheets.  

"Tell her we need bottled water too."   

She feels Oliver's body go lax, obnoxious snores coming from him as he feigns sleep. She pushes into his shoulder but he doesn't budge, snoring even louder.  

"Ugh, you suck Queen." She says pulling the blanket away from him to wrap around her body.  

 She hears him laugh as she heads to the door, opening it expecting to see Gloria the owner of the hotel, only to be blinded by the familiar flash of a camera. 

Blinking away the surprise from the lights only confuses her more.

Because instead of Gloria, her mother is in the doorway, with a horde of paparazzi.


	17. Fly Before You Fall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Felicity  
> http://www.polyvore.com/blackbird_ch17/set?id=222905873
> 
> Donna  
> http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=221587277

Fly Before You Fall   
Cynthia Erivo 

 

I see the way that you look when you hear his name   
I see his picture up in your frame   
And you refuse to admit you still miss him but it's okay   
You're a tower of strength when you're breaking down   
But through the wall I can feel your cry   
And when it's quiet you're screaming inside   
And I break as I hear you   
Loud as a bomb   
Wanting a shoulder to cry on   
   
I hear you   
Tumbling fast   
Here and now, you're afraid   
Don't you worry   
I'll teach you to fly before you fall away   
   
It's in the moments when you're left all on your own   
And it hits you from out of nowhere   
You try to hide it sometimes unsuccessfully   
With a smile that fades quickly   
   
Your resistance to sadness is futile but   
You're a fighter, can't stand defeat   
You're a magician at hiding the hurt from you   
But I see and I hear you   
Loud as a bomb   
Wanting a shoulder to cry on   
   
I hear you   
Tumbling fast   
Here and now, you're afraid   
Don't be scared   
Cause I hear you   
Loud as a bomb   
Wanting a shoulder to cry on, I hear you   
Tumbling fast 

   
Here and now, you're afraid   
Don't you worry   
I'll teach you to fly before you fall 

 

 

"You did this? You brought them here?" 

She feels Oliver behind her coming to see what the commotion is. 

"They found you the same way that I did. Let me in." She huffs, pushing past her into the room. 

The reporters continue to push on the door until Oliver closes it forcefully, worried eyes already scanning her, probably wondering if they could make another break for it. 

A part of her seriously wants to, but this had to be coming soon enough. 

Her mother takes a seat at the table, looking over at the two of them still a little dumbstruck in the doorway. 

"I should probably put on some clothes, huh." He says leaning against the door frame. 

Looking him over he's only in his underwear, much like herself, the only thing covering her the blanket she snatched from under his body. 

"You and me both I suppose." He gives her hip a supportive squeeze before pushing off the door and grabbing his duffel, heading to the bathroom to put on some clothes.  

She follows him, changing silently into the denim shorts and tank she'd been wearing when they first got there. 

"Just let me talk to her for a minute, okay." She says a little nervous and unsure of what to expect.  

"Yeah, I'll just take Jake outside for a while." He says pressing a kiss to her forehead, before they head out. He gives her mother a forced smile before calling Jake to follow him to the beach through the sliding back door. 

She goes to sit on the bed, tucking her feet under her.  

"So are you going to explain how this all came about?"  

She stands pulling her tablet from her bag, toeing off her wedges to come sit next to her on the bed.  

"You of all people should know the dangers of the internet Felicity." 

She pulls up a video on YouTube and there she is in perfect clarity singing at the karaoke bar.  

 **Amazing!! Felicity Smoak singing Nina Simone's Blackbird!!**  

It's strange, that moment had felt so private and personal even though she was on a stage. Seeing it this way feels like an invasion. She would have never wanted it to be exposed to the harsh and faceless internet. But people would also be seeing her sing something she felt connected to for the first time, which is all she's ever wanted. To be seen. To be heard. 

Looking over at her mother she seems... wistful?  

"That was the first song you ever sang." 

Felicity suppresses the snark but can't hold the eye roll. "I know. My first talent contest."  

"No." She says shaking her head. "When you were eleven months old... We were living in this awful government-funded apartment, there was a hole in the door... I was making you oatmeal, and you were sitting on the floor behind me, just  _screaming_. And Blackbird came on the radio and I turned it up." 

Felicity can't help but think it seems appropriate. Her mother must read her thoughts on her face because she rolls her eyes.  

"I wasn't trying to drown you out. The words were just... how I felt. I was  _seventeen_ when I had you. This new baby, that my mom and dad wanted no part of, by a guy who couldn't give a shit about me. And I was... exactly where they all said I'd be. 

"And then, all of a sudden, you started singing. Not the words... but the melody. Clear as day. And I was so shocked, I started laughing. And that made you laugh, and then we're both there laughing."  

Donna smiles at the memory, looking over at her with uncharacteristically soft eyes.  

"And it felt like you and me against the world. It still feels like that." She smiles, lifting a hand to run her fingers over her curls. "You look happy... You were right to get away." 

This isn’t going at all the way she'd expected, this softness, it reminds of her of when she'd get sick and her mother would stay home from work to care for her. She knows her mother loves her, she's just never really understood her. She and her father connected over music, but she and Donna were never able to find anything to really bond over. At first it was because she was always working  crazy hours, but even when money was no longer the issue the divide never really closed. 

"Let's go back and finish it baby. We can't give up, not like this. Not after everything we've been through." 

She's not sure how she feels about the idea of going back. Dealing with the general embarrassment for one but she also knows she could never go back to how things were. She won't. She loves singing, she loves her music, but she will  _never_  allow herself to be put back in that place. Not to mention, Slade dropping her from the label. 

"What's the point? I don't even have a deal. I'm a joke."  

Her mother perks up at that. 

"Well... that clip has gotten 600,000 hits since yesterday." 

"Are you serious?' 

"And Slade called me this morning. Ray, the other execs, they want to meet with you." 

"I don't... I."  

It feels like so much. It's what she wants. It's all she's ever wanted since they started this. To sing. She has the chance to do it right. The way it always should have been done. She doesn’t want to leave this magical place but she and Oliver have to go back to the real world sometime. It'll be so much better now. On her terms, with him by her side. She wants it so bad she can taste it. 

"Just take a minute. I'll get something to eat and let you talk to Oliver. I'll be in the car and you can come and tell me what it is we're going to do." 

"Okay." She sighs. 

"Okay." Her mother says standing, gathering her things before heading back out the way she came.  

 

>\-----> 

 

Oliver lets Jake run up and down the beach while he sits at a collection of rocks near the shore. 

They've been in Mexico nearly two weeks and it's been nothing short of amazing. He's seen so much growth in Felicity, he doesn't know how her mother coming here now will affect her. 

A part of him just wants her to dismiss Donna entirely, at this point he can't help but think that'd be best for her. He can't see her as anything but a hindrance. Donna doesn't know how to separate her duties as a mother from her duties as a manager, she doesn't even seem to realize there's an issue at all. 

Jake tires himself out on the beach after a while, so he decides to go back to the room and check on them.  

When he gets back Felicity has her sneakers on and is making the bed. His bags are already packed up sitting by the door.  

He goes to lean against the table and she sits down on the bed across from him, a soft smile playing on her lips. 

"I needed a pause button. And that's what you gave me. You put my life on pause. But we can't hide out here forever." 

Oliver feels a pit developing in his stomach. He already knows what she's going to say. And he knows that he can't sit back and watch her do this like he had before, and seeing her so willing to hop back into things frustrates him. What was the point of this getaway, of them, if Felicity never stuck to any life changes. 

"I guess I was just drinking some happily ever after bullshit, huh?" 

"We can still have happy ever after." She says, her brow furrowing. 

"Yeah?" 

"Yeah, of course." 

"When? Because obviously nothing's changed." 

"It's already different! I feel... I feel like I can finally do it the right way. My way." 

"What about your mom?"  

"She gets it now, too." 

"Really?" 

"Yeah." 

"Did she apologize? Does she know about your box of lyrics?" She's quiet and he knows it didn’t even come up. And it pisses him off. Felicity has the potential to be everything and anything she wants in life but listening to her talk, knowing first hand what her lifestyle did to her reminds him of Vanessa in that moment. Stuck in an abusive relationship going back over and over no matter what it does to her. And he wants to ask her why she'd do it but his anger gets  the best of him. "Yeah... I give it a week before they're trying to put you back on a stage singing about blowjobs." 

"Well I appreciate your honesty, Officer."  

"Shit, Felicity, I'm trying to help you!" He yells in a bout of frustration.  

"Stop trying to be the fucking hero all the time! I don’t want you to be here because you want to save me, I want you to be here because you want to be with me!" She yells back. 

She takes a deep breath before running her hands over her face, scooching to the edge of the bed to be closer to him. 

Look, I've worked for this my whole life and I want you to be a part of it. I need you. And you need me." 

He thinks of the sound of her cries the night of the AMA's, the emptiness in her eyes the night they met. He won’t watch her go back to that. He won't keep enabling her so she can keep running when things get too hard in her real life. 

"You don't need me." He says calmly, willing his eyes away from her. "And I'm good." 

He turns to head out the back door again, Jake trailing behind him. 

 >\------>

When he comes back, she's gone. And it's not like he wasn't expecting it, but it still sucks. He goes to grab a beer from the mini fridge, the bracelet catching his eye. 

He doesn't want it anymore. They're not together and he knows every time he sees it he's just going to worry about her, so he takes it off and tosses it out the window before he can talk himself out of it.  

 

He leaves later on that night, using the ride home to make phone calls. Checking in with Thea and reassuring her he's fine, his mother to apologize and make plans to have dinner together soon, calling Diggle and Laurel to set up meetings for the campaign.  

He figures there's gonna be some damage control and he's sure he's lost Pastor Blood's support, but he's got no reason to have any reservations about doing this anymore.  

The ride feels twice as long with Jake as his only company and he's exhausted by the time he makes it home, but he showers before getting in the bed, sure he's going to be cleaning up leftover granules of sand for weeks if he doesn't. He's out as soon as he hits the sheets. 

 

The next morning he sorts things out with his mother at the station. He can feel the 'I told you so' radiating off her skin but he ignores it. There's no need to fill her in on the finer details of his relationship with Felicity and there's no harm in letting her think she's won this round. 

He'll be back at work officially tomorrow, but he has a meeting with Laurel and Digg to discuss strategy over lunch. 

They meet at Russo's since Big Belly has officially been ruined for him for now.  

"Councilman Adams is officially resigning tomorrow." Laurel informs him. "So they'll be announcing the opening by Friday." 

"And what about the pastors? You said before we couldn't win without them?" 

"Yeah well, a rapper assaulted your popstar girlfriend and you kicked his ass. You were trending as #OnePunchMan for a week." Digg says through bites of sandwich.  

"The memes were both epic and favorable." Laurel interjects with a laugh. Expect a shit ton of grief about it from Tommy, he's been awaiting your return." 

"Anyway, you lost the church, but you gained the youth vote."  

"Is that really the angle we want to go with?" 

"It's the only angle we have at this point Ollie. We know it's risky. But it's your call." 

He originally wanted his personal life to be in order whenever he started his trek into politics officially, but he knows he won't be with anyone for a while now. There's no need to put off the inevitable. 

"Let's run with it. See what happens." 

   
>\-----> 

The ride back to Star City is a quiet one. 

After Oliver left her alone in the room, she had to force herself not to go after him.  

She was angry and sad and unsure of the words that might come out of her mouth, so she left.  

Her mom doesn't ask her about him though, thank God.  

As pissed as his words made her, a part of her kind of understood. The entirety of their relationship everything had taken a backseat to her career. She'd let the people around her rule every facet of her life and it brought her to an awful place. And every time she hit rock bottom he was there to pick her up.  

He probably can't see pass any of that. And she can't blame him. She's never shown an ability to stand up for herself. But she's ready now.  

Things are going to be different.  

She's going to be different.  

 

There's still a crowd of reporters outside their house when they pull into the gates.  

She wonders how long it'll be before that dies down. 

Inside the house, the first thing she notices is the photo collage is gone. 

The poster size photos have been taken down and replaced with grayscale aerial photos of Star City.  

Her mother notices her attention, turning around at the doorway into the kitchen. 

"I cleaned up... Do you want a cup of tea?" 

She just nods following her into the kitchen. 

 

She wakes early the next morning, her is mother already up and dressed when she heads downstairs. 

"Our meeting with the label is later in the afternoon, but I thought we could spend some time together until then. Get your hair color corrected, maybe shop a little." She says handing her a cup of coffee in her favorite Chewbacca mug. 

"I think I'm gonna keep it blonde for a while." 

"That's fine, I just figured you'd want the last of that pink out." 

"Yeah that sounds good actually... I guess I'll go put on some clothes then" She says already heading back upstairs to change. 

 

She feels like she doesn’t know how to act around her mom the whole day. She wonders if they'll just be able to sweep all o their previous issues under the rug and forget about them.  

She also tries and temper down her thoughts of Oliver and the gnawing and familiar ache of abandonment that comes with them. She knows she loves Oliver and she knows Oliver loves her even if nothing else is real. Those are facts. She just has to show him that things are different. That she's different.  

She and her mother get their hair done in nearly matching shades of blonde. Besides the color she really just doesn't know what to do with it. So she keeps it long for now, waves flowing down her back. It's pretty. 

She liked Sin giving her different nails every other day, but the impracticality of long fake nails always bugged her. So she gets her nails painted an electric blue, keeping them short and efficient.  

They shop a little, she buys a few things that catch her eye, but it's a wide range of things. There's no cohesion or pattern. Distressed band t-shirts and jeans, brightly colored skirts and crop tops.  

It's nice but it feels like she doesn't know herself. Doesn’t know what she wants. The uncertainty in herself is frustrating so they leave pretty quickly. 

 

Leaving the stores they head straight for Palmer Recordings. 

There's an attractive woman arguing with the receptionist in the lobby while an equally attractive young man stands behind her stoically. 

"Lady, we've been waiting out here for Mr. Wilson for two hours. Why wouldn't he just reschedule if he couldn’t meet with us?" 

 _Good to know I'm not the only person who_ _se_ _time Slade and Isobel like to waste._  

"Ma'am, I'm sorry, but Mr. Wilson is stuck in a meeting. If you'd like I can get his assistant to reschedule you for another meeting this time next week." She says calmly. 

"If he's not interested, we can just go someplace else, there's no need to waste our time like this." 

"Again, I apologize, I'm sure this was just an oversight." Her tone is polite but practiced, Felicity's sure she gives this speech a few times a week. "Would you like to reschedule?" 

The woman sighs, takes another look at the stoic young man before turning around to the woman. 

"Fine. I'm Iris West representing Roy Harper. Here's another copy of his demo. Here's another business card. Please have someone call us if Mr. Wilson has an opening sooner, or for whatever reason he can't make our scheduled meeting." 

"Ms. Smoak? They're ready for you now." Ray's assistant says, stepping off the executive elevator, motioning for them to follow her. 

Her mother gives her a reassuring smile before they head inside. 

There's a table of about ten people waiting for them, Slade and Isobel among them with sour faces, and Ray heads the table as excitable as ever. 

"Felicity, Donna! I'm glad we could get you in here today. That clip is awesome Felicity. I mean, seven million hits in two days? I need your album out, like, yesterday." 

"It's not done." She says trying to project a confidence she's not sure she possesses yet, but she told Oliver things were going to be different and she's going to stick to it. 

"What's not done?" He asks confused. 

"I wrote a song... and I want it on the album." 

"You've gotta be kidding."  

She see's Slade roll his eyes and Isobel bites her lip to keep her evil lips from forming a smile. 

"Look, Ray, everybody says I'm special because I have this voice. But, I'm only saying what everybody else wants me to. I have something to say." 

"Listen, I was an artist, so I respect that, seriously. But the CD's been pressed, the artwork's finished. It's done." He sighs before suddenly perking up, clapping his hands. "But you know what? How about when the album blows up, we'll do a special re-release, and you can add "Blackbird" to it?" 

She doesn’t know what to do. Her first request is already being shot down. Is this just how it’s going to be? Her mind drifts to Oliver. Was he right? Is the reality of this dream just too stifling? 

"Either you put her song on the record or you release it without an artist." Her mother declares, staring Ray down.  

"Come on, Donna, it's all love in here. What's with the idle threats?" 

"There's nothing idle about it."  

Slade smiles condescendingly. "Sweetheart, I know these deals can be a little complicated, but I can assure you, she has no outs." 

Her mother smiles sweetly, nodding her head as if considering his words. "Mmhmm, I understand what you mean. But, you see, the morning after the concert, this came through my fax machine. It's a letter of termination." 

She passes the single sheet of paper down to Ray, who seems confused. "We never sent a letter of termination." 

Slade takes the paper from him, suddenly sitting up straight, looking slightly uncomfortable. 

"That was sent by mistake." 

"Excuse me?" 

"Ray, I drafted it as a precaution. I left it on my desk. Isobel must have sent it." 

Isobel looks like a deer caught in headlights.  

"I... but you told m-" Slade levels a glare at her and she stops talking mid confession, pursing her lips. "It was a mistake."  

"Ms. Smoak, I do apologize, it's hard to find good help these days." Polite is creepy as hell on Slade, but she can't help but laugh internally. She and her mother have been  _honey, baby, sweetheart,_ since they met him, and now all of a sudden it's  _Ms. Smoak._   

Her mother, the superhero, nods again. "Now honey, I know the legalese can be a bit  _complicated_ , but you see once that comes through a fax machine, it's legally binding. So as of now, there is no deal and Felicity is a free agent." 

"Donna, do you have any idea how much this is gonna cost me?" Ray says shaking his head looking over the termination paperwork again. 

"Yeah. But I think Slade's salary will just about cover it." 

"Ray, look, I can fix this." 

"If you want another chance, you can buy one for 200 grand." Ray says dismissively. 

Slade is speechless before standing suddenly, he levels a glare at her mother on his way out of the room, to which she responds by smiling sweetly and giving a cute wave as Isobel follows behind him angrily. 

"Felicity, considering the circumstances, we're gonna postpone this meeting for a few days but we will most definitely be back in touch. Next time we call be ready to sign some contracts." 

"Yeah." She nods vigorously. "For sure." 

They all shake hands politely and Felicity is able to keep her enthusiasm contained until they get to the car. 

"Oh my God mom!" She says wrapping her arms around her neck. 

"Oh goodness, Felicity I can't breathe."  

"Sorry, sorry," She says pulling back. "I just... that was amazing, seriously. I can't believe you just did that." 

"Yeah well, us against the world, right?" 

 

Later that night, after repeatedly resisting the urge to call Oliver, she follows her nose downstairs to the kitchen. Peering around her mother's body she realizes she's making chili. 

“Mom's famous chili.” She says hopping on the counter next to the stove. 

"Oh my goodness, you used to call everything I cooked 'moms famous." She laughs as she stirs the pot. She bites her lip as if she's unsure of what to say next and Felicity's glad she's not the only one who seems to be trying to figure out this new chapter in their relationship. "Oh, uh, the show runners for the 36/115 Festival want you to close with Blackbird in six months." 

Felicity feels her jaw drop. 36/115 was an annual festival held in Vegas. Thousands of people coming out for this huge outdoor concert, featuring the most amazing artists. She remembers sneaking out to attend it throughout her teenage years through small acts of rebellion. When she was fifteen she swore she 'd play it someday. 

"Are you serious?" 

"Not bad for a couple of Vegas girls, huh?" She says laughing softly at her reaction. "I gotta talk to the label though, we don't want to confuse the public about who you are."  

She snorts, remembering her mother assuming beast mode in that meeting earlier. "I think you made it clear who's running things today. But, yeah, tell them I wanna do it. You know, I was thinking about Ryan Tedder producing my song. Do you think we can find out his schedule?" 

"Oh, Felicity, we can't delay the album."  

"What do you mean?" 

"Well, the buzz right now is insane." She says, turning off the stove top. "We can't take any chances. It needs to be out." 

Felicity feels an ugly ball of doubt forming in her stomach.  

"But... in the meeting... you said I wouldn't re-sign." 

"Well, yeah, because I wanted Slade and his lackey gone." 

"But this isn't about Slade, it's about me."  

She feels that doubt shifting, burning into a hot ball of anger and betrayal. 

"Baby, the next album, you want to write a couple of songs, write a couple of songs!  You can do that, I promise." Her voice is placating, she can see in her eyes she doesn't understand why this is bothering her so much. She doesn't understand. She never understands. 

 _She's never tried to understand._  

"Mom..." 

"We all win here, Felicity." Her tone is pleading, as if she is an obstacle to be won over. "

I'm not doing it." The words are out of her mouth before she has a chance to consider them. But she's never been more resolute in her life. She can't believe this. She can't believe that after everything, she thought her mother was actually fighting for her for once. Putting her first.  

"Not doing what?" 

"I'm not re-signing."  

''Oh, yes you are." 

"You work for me, remember?" Her mother gives off this little scoff of surprise and Felicity can feel something in herself snapping.  

Like a dam holding too much water. Repressed and buried resentment makes her fingers tremble in anger. She feels her eyes welling. 

"You know, I always wondered if you'd ever stop me. When I do a shoot or something and they tell me to hike up my skirt or take off my top, I'd look to you to see if it was okay, and it was  _always_ okay." 

"Would you look around you? It is okay." 

"It's not okay! It's never been okay!" 

"Felicity, the song doesn't make you, you make the song. You know that. It's a game!" 

"So, what? You give me a new nose, a new body, thirty inches of some other chick's hair and I come out New and Improved only I'm not a fucking product!" 

"We did what we had to do!" Donna retorts back in frustration. 

"There was never any  _we_. Your word, your wishes, they were always gospel." 

"Wait, so now you're a victim? When did you  _ever_ tell me that you didn't want this?" 

"When I was on that balcony!" 

Donna takes a step back as if she's been struck. She sees wariness color her mother's eyes, uncertainty in the line of her shoulders. 

"You promised me that was a mistake."  

"You wanted it to be a mistake!  When I needed a mother, you were  _always_ my manager!" 

"I was your manager, I was your mother, I was your father, I was whatever I had to be in order to take care of you!" She screams back at her, her eyes wet with her own tears. Felicity can't bring herself to care. 

"You stopped worrying about taking care of me a long time ago, you took care of my career." 

"And I made you a fucking star!" 

"And everyone who looked down on you would suddenly look up to you. It was  _never_ about me, it was only ever about you. I was just something you could put on display so you could prove to the world you weren't a fuck up." 

Before she even registers what's happening the hot sting of her mother's hand is branded across her cheek. 

"Don't you dare question my love for you!"  

Her mother's anger deflates, her hands reaching out to her, pressing into her shoulders. "Felicity, come on." 

Felicity takes a step back from her, shaking off her touch, wiping away her tears.  

"You're fired."    
 

  


	18. UNTITLED

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *crawls from under boulder casually*
> 
> Heeeyyyyy evvverryybody :)
> 
> So I know it's been a minute or two since this updated... Sorry about that! I promise it's not abandoned or anything. I lost my muse for a while there and when I got her back she was being fickle and wanted to work on a billion and one new fics before this one.
> 
> Also, I was hella unemployed when I started this and had entirely too much free time. But ya girl has a job now, a good one at that, so life was also moving a bit more. 
> 
> Either way, I have been working on this in the meantime, there are a few chapters completed but editing has been taking longer than anticipated. I'll try to get back to my regular update schedule for the rest of this! 
> 
> Anywho! Thanks to everyone returning and to the new readers! I hope this makes up for how much I suck :P

Leaving her mother is all at once one of the easiest and hardest things she's ever had to do. 

She can't be there with her, but she doesn't really have anywhere to go. She doesn't have any real friends or family near here. And even if she did it wouldn't matter because she knows where she really wants to be right now.  

She heads upstairs to pack a bag, wishful thinking again, before leaving the house in the tacky sports car in the garage.  

She can count on one hand the number of times she's driven this midlife crisis mobile but she doesn't want to wait for a driver. 

Pulling through the gate and through the ever present crowd of reporters, she heads in the direction of Oliver's house.  

She has no illusions about the status of their relationship at the moment. And it's not like she thinks he's going to spread his arms and welcome her into the house, but she wants to see him right now.  

She parks on the side of the house, glad to see that the paparazzi presence has dwindled in her absence as she gets out of the car.  

Willing herself up the driveway, the closer she gets to the door the more doubt she feels about her decision to come here. He told her nothing had changed and he'd been right, and now here she is crawling back.  

But she knows Oliver's mind doesn't work like that. Even if they're on rocky territory, he'd never just assume the worst of her.  

She must turn around three times before the front door opens and Oliver steps out, as dapper as ever in a nice clean cut suit.  

He's on his phone and there's a second of time where she has an opportunity to duck out of sight but she doesn't take it.  

When he finally notices she's there  his eyes scan her like they always do and it's a comfort.  "Felicity?" 

"Hey." She feels nervous. It feels very much like their first conversation.Still so unsure of where they stand with each other. "You're headed out?" 

"Yeah, I'm uh, being vetted... begging for money with class." He jokes awkwardly coming to a stop in front of her. 

"Going to shake up the city?"  

"That's the plan." His hand raises to smooth the crease in her forehead like it always does when she's nervous or upset. It's warm and affectionate and perfect. 

She's not sure what she's waiting for. Or what the purpose of coming here was, she'd wanted to see him but now that she's here she doesn't know what to say.  

A few tears escape her eyes in frustration and she wipes them away, taking a step back from him. 

"I should let you go." 

His eye are disappointed. Was he hoping for more?  

 _Was_ _I_ _?_  

Taking a step back, distancing himself from her he sighs "Take care of yourself, Felicity." 

He turns to leave, heading to his car but she grabs his hand, stopping him.  

"Oliver?" _Why is it so easy for you to walk away?_ "What we had... It was perfect, right? "  

He gives her a sad smile. "We started on a lie, so I'm not sure it could ever be perfect." She feels her face drop and before she can think of anything to say, he's backpedaling. "That came out wrong. I mean it's true but... shit... I just... I just want you to be happy Felicity. Happy and healthy and whole.  I want you to be honest with yourself about what you want and need, regardless of what happens with us..." 

She nods. She's not really sure how to feel about any of this. Is this their window closing? She wants those things too, but she's not sure if she's ready to be as open about the things that she's feeling. 

"And I think you need to do it by yourself. There's nothing wrong with that. Some things you just have to accomplish on your own. It doesn't mean you're alone. Or that I won't always be here for you." 

His words make sense, but they feel wrong. Is she weak for wanting him there? For feeling like he needs to be by her side for any of it to feel right? She hates that he's being so pragmatic about this. She hates that she can't get her fucking mouth to work. 

"So, we're breaking up." She whispers, pressing her stubby nails into her palms as reality sets in.  

"We're... on a break." His eyes don't match his words, but it doesn't stop him from laying a goodbye kiss on her forehead or backing away to his car. 

"Good night, Felicity Smoak." 

 "Not goodbye?"

"Never goodbye." He says sad smile spreading across his lips.

"Good night, Oliver Queen." 

_Never goodbye._

 

She goes to a hotel after leaving Oliver. 

It's the same one she and her mother stayed in before but she gets a regular room on the ninth floor instead of the gaudy penthouse full of shitty memories that have probably been washed away by housekeeping.  

She knows she must look a little pathetic, like a kicked puppy, because the lady at the front desk hesitates before giving her the keys, probably scared she's going to throw herself off the balcony. 

 _"Call if you need anything. Anything at all. I'm here."_  

She spends the next couple days there curled up in the fluffy covers, gorging on room service. Mint chip ice cream and fried chicken.  

She's got no boyfriend. Her mother is awful and selfish. She can't live in that house with her anymore. She's barely got a career. And as much as she wants to be self-sufficient, she nearly had an existential crisis shopping for clothes the day before. 

She's fucking directionless. So, she eats binge watches everything she missed out on the last two years and avoids phone calls for a week. 

The current status of her and Oliver is discouraging. He want's something from her she's not sure she's ready to give anyone, something he has every right to request from her. Honesty, and probably a little stability too. 

 _A novel concept._  

His words hurt. Regardless of it’s imperfections she knows what she and Oliver shared was real, because even now with all the distress it’s one of the greatest things to happen to her. And it still feels like he's her forever, even if there time isn’t right now. He's her endgame. 

Her phone goes off and she recognizes it as the number from Palmer Recordings, probably wanting to officially set up a meeting about her contract.

She lets it go to voicemail. 

What does she even say to them? She doesn't know what the fuck she wants. And she doesn’t know enough about the backend of the music industry to feel comfortable going in there without a manager or lawyer to discuss her options with. 

She's a fucking mess basically is the general conclusion she keeps coming to. 

She can’t even be upset with Oliver for not believing in her resolve for things to be different. When has she ever shown a side of herself that wasn't weak or dependent. All she does is run away from her problems, hiding her head in the sand until she can forget about them altogether. 

Even now here she is burying her sorrows in ice cream, hiding like when she leaves this room all her shit isn’t going to be sitting on the other side of the door.  

 _Maybe it's_ _time_ _to stop running._  

It's a tiny thought that’s been developing for a while now. She thinks of all those times Oliver suggested she should talk to someone and wonders if he was right.  

Maybe hashing her shit out with someone would be the best thing for her. She hasn't really got anything to lose at this point.  

There are a few facilities she's heard of from other industry people, Helena Bertinelli had recently told her about her own stint in rehab at a cushy facility on the outskirts of Central City.  But the last thing she needs is the press thinking she's got some out of control drug problem. She's sure she doesn't need round the clock care at an inpatient facility and she doesn't want to be peddled with Lexapro and Valium like Helena was. 

She just wants to talk to someone who can help her get her life in order. 

Picking up her phone she googles local therapists and clicks on the first practice she sees.  

She looks young but the intimidating list of credentials is a mile long. She hesitates, contemplating the decision for a moment before dialing the provided number anxiously, it rings once before someone answers.  

"Good afternoon, Dr. Snow's office, how may I help you?" 

"Oh, uh... I ... I was hoping to set up an appointment with Dr. Snow?" 

"No problem, can I get your name?" 

"Uhm, Felicity Smoak?"  

The young woman starts coughing on the other line and Felicity hopes she didn't cause the poor girl to do a spit take or something. Times like this she wishes she had a stage name. 

"I'm sorry Ms. Smoak, when would you like to set up this appointment?" She says recovering quickly. 

"Your soonest opening I guess." 

"Well actually, we have a space that freed up at 4:30 if you'd like to come in today." 

"Oh wow, yeah, I guess that's fine." She'd been expecting to have a few days to get herself mentally prepared for this decision, but hell, it's not like she had any plans besides stuffing her face for the day. 

"Great, well come about fifteen minutes ahead of schedule so you can fill out the new patient paperwork, do you need directions?"  

"No, I know where it is." 

"Alright, well we'll see you at 4:30 then Ms. Smoak, have a great afternoon." 

"Thank you." 

Hanging up the phone she drags herself out of bed and to the shower. Stripping down she turns the water to the hottest setting before climbing in.  

Her skin pinks quickly and the water feels about a degree away from being entirely too hot, but it also feels like it's washing away the crap from the last few days, leaving behind new skin. 

She avoids the headache of finding something to wear by throwing on leggings and a sweatshirt, not even sparing the time to put on makeup, opting for sunglasses and a prayer that no one spots her today. 

 

Dr. Snow's office is all cool whites and misty blues. It's nice. She can't say it makes her want to spill her guts but it's nice. 

The receptionist Jessie, is as professional as she imagines she can be. She's funny and polite and doesn't ask for her autograph or a picture, but she gets the feeling that being at work is the only thing keeping her from doing either. 

She leads her into a room where Dr. Snow is waiting. 

She's quite young. Dr. Snow can't be much older than she is. It throws her off for a moment, but she shakes it off. She knows age isn't a measure of dedication or ability and the doctor's list of credentials speak for themselves. 

"Ms. Smoak, how are you?" She comes over and shakes her hand before showing her to the seating area. 

"Just Felicity, please... I suppose I've been better." 

She gives her a soft smile, nodding her head in understanding. "Why don't you have a seat and we can get started."  Felicity turns away from her to pick a seat. There are a few different kinds of chairs but Felicity goes with the classic chaise. If she's doing this therapy thing she's going in full throttle.  

"Well, call me Caitlin." She takes a seat across from her, a tablet in hand for notes. "So, what brings you here today Felicity?" 

She can't help the snort that escapes from her at the loaded question. "Do you know who I am? Not to be like, snotty, or anything... I'm just genuinely curious." 

"I'm familiar with you." She says crossing her legs neatly. 

"Then I think the answer is fairly obvious." 

"Bad things happen to people all the time and they never seek out counseling. But you did. I want to know why." 

"I don't know, I guess... I'm tired of feeling empty... of being a victim... I just want to be myself and I don't how or where to start. Someone important to me suggested I talk to someone, so here I am." 

"Good. I want to help you accomplish all of that. But before we start, I want you to know a little about how my sessions go. Therapy can be intense and my questions are going to be invasive and uncomfortable but it's important that you're honest with me and yourself if this is going to work. I want you to know that regardless of what you do for a living, confidentiality is an absolute guarantee here. You will never have to worry about anything that happens here getting out, okay." 

Felicity just nods. Caitlin is rather intense but she seems sincere. This feels like a good thing. 

"Okay so, blank slate. In a perfect world, where are you a year from now?" 

Felicity's future has always been set in stone and she can't remember the last time someone just straight up asked her what she wanted. 

"I want to be making music I love. I want to be with my boyfriend. I want friends who I trust. I want to be doing things that make an impact. Past that I'm not really sure." 

Caitlin takes a few notes in her tablet before giving her a warm and encouraging smile. 

"Well I'm going to do everything in my power to get you there, why don't you start at the beginning." 

"The beginning?" 

"Where you choose to start your story says a lot about you. Where does your story begin?" 

She considers the question for a moment. Where does her story begin? The night her dad left? Her first record deal? The night Oliver saved her life? 

"I guess I should start with what led me here in the first place." A part of her is already ready to bolt. She's never really acknowledged her actions that night. Not out loud, not even really to Oliver.  

"I... I tried..." The words get stuck in her throat, but Caitlyn's eyes are patient and encouraging. She takes a deep breath steeling herself so she can get them out. "I tried to kill myself." 

"The night of the Billboards." 

Felicity just nods, but she feels like a weight has lifted from her at the words. She didn't realize it was something she had been holding onto. Actual acknowledgment of her actions. She'd lied about it so many times, saying it now felt like a crack in a dam of denial. It's emotional, but it feels good.  

"Are you okay?" Caitlin asks, handing her a box of tissues. 

"No." She answers honestly for the first time in a long time. "But I think I'm gonna be." 

 

>\--->> 

 

Oliver has a hard time concentrating on campaigning after Felicity leaves his house. It was so much like their first conversation. Her being vulnerable, him sticking his foot in his mouth trying not to lose his shit. 

 He wonders if he made the right decision to let her work things out on her own. Wonders if she feels abandoned.  

The thoughts plague his morning runs the rest of the week. The paparazzi had finally let up and he was able to run with Jake like he used to in the mornings again. But the solitude and emptiness in his head leaves a void that Felicity always seems to fill. Not to mention the fact that his dog was sulking all over his house, constantly reminding him of her absence. 

But their time apart had given him time to think. Lifted the haze she brought to his senses a little so he could figure out what they needed.  

 Felicity had a lot of decisions to make about how she wanted to move forward, whether they're together or not. Serious life decisions about her career and her mental health. Decisions she needed to be clear headed to make. Their relationship was a haze over her eyes as much as his own, shielding her from her struggles, allowing them to fall to the side swept up in the whirlwind of feelings they had for one another.  

And the last thing he wanted was for her to feel pressured or influenced by what he wanted or felt was right. She'd had enough people telling her what to do.  

Ironically enough, he can't seem to catch a break at his own job. Between patrolling with Tommy during the day and campaigning after hours with Laurel and Digg, he was beat. At first it was just busywork to keep his mind off his relationship issues, but he's found he really does enjoy quite a bit of the things involved with campaigning.  

Not the stuffy dinners and ass kissing there never seems to be enough of, but the community projects his team had started up. The grassroots projects they'd set in motion were picking up traction. The beach cleanup was coming around nicely and there were even plans for an inner-city community garden in one of the abandoned lots collecting trash in the Glades. The work felt good and made begging for campaign funds worth it.  

There just never seemed to be enough time in the day. He wanted to be on the ground, getting to know the people in the Glades, not in a boardroom talking about them like numbers in an equation. But it turns out being at banquets schmoozing Star City's elite and turning people into percentages was his job now.  

He'd always known he'd go into politics eventually but the timing sometimes made him wonder if this was what he wanted at all. But the community work felt like something he was meant to be doing. 

Although spending Sunday mornings like this one, knee deep in campaign strategy, made him question it. 

"Our spin on the Chase Crawford situation is working in the target demographics." Digg says without looking up from the papers in front of him. "Between that and Blood backing that crook Grundy, by the time people really start paying attention to the election we'll be sitting pretty."  

After withdrawing from his campaign, Pastor Blood and his congregation had thrown their support behind Solomon Grundy, a devout local business owner, who unbeknownst to the public happened to be under investigation for ties to organized crime. A day after the church had publicly backed Grundy's campaign, FBI agents were swarming his home and businesses on money laundering and RICO charges. 

"Hired on a Saturday, fired on a Sunday." Digg jokes. "I'm actually kind of glad we don't have to work with the guy, something about him always felt off." 

Oliver nods, he can't help but agree. He doesn't doubt the Pastor's sincerity or devotion, but he also gave off a vibe that rubbed him the wrong way. 

"Well, if I had to guess it's probably because he's lowkey a cult leader and everyone just kind of shrugs it off." Tommy interjects from the living room couch where he's currently getting his ass kicked by a German 12-year-old in a video game. "God dammit Gustav!"  

"Well, it definitely took some of the punch out of losing his support." Laurel says rolling her eyes at her husband. "Winning this is definitely possible, young people love you. We just have to get them to care about a local election." 

"It's hard enough getting young people to give a damn about the national election, how do we get them to care about a council seat?" 

"Keep serving liberal GQ realness at public appearances and I know we can get a Buzzfeed article out of it. It also helps that the internet has given you and Felicity's relationship this weird Romeo and Juliet narrative." Laurel quips, wincing when she realizes what she said. "Sorry I'm thinking like a manager would right now, not a friend. I didn't mean to be insensitive."  

"It's fine. I'd just like to avoid talking about the situation with Felicity and Chase as much as possible. I know it's easy fodder but I don't want it to seem like I'm using her for free press. Not to mention the situation sucks in real life." 

"How is she doing?" She asks, genuinely concerned. It's nice that he knows the people around him are sincere and trustworthy, it's something he didn't appreciate enough, that being a part of Felicity's world made him take note of. Because even though Laurel's only just met Felicity, he knows she actually cares when she asks about her. 

"I'm sure she's fine, we're taking a break for a while. She's got some stuff to get together." 

"Alone?" Digg asks, an eyebrow raised. 

"For now." Oliver can't keep the defensive tone at bay. 

"I don't know Felicity that well, but if half the stuff she seems to be going through is true I can't see how not having you there would be a good thing for her." 

"Felicity is stronger than she thinks she is, she doesn’t actually need me there to do anything she wants." Laurel and Dig exchange an unimpressed look. He doesn't like it at all. All they're missing is an eyeroll, and seeing it makes him want to defend his actions even though he knows he shouldn't have to. "Felicity is in a tentative place in her life and all her decisions need to be made without any influence from anyone else, especially me." 

"And what about you?" Dig asks, a flicker of irritation crossing his eyes and it spark his own. Where exactly is this line of questioning supposed to be going? 

"What about me?" 

"Being with Felicity made you happy. Even with all the extra bullshit, you were happier than I'd seen you in a while." 

"I think what John is trying to say is that you were going through the motions for a while there and we kind of see it happening again lately. And you have a habit of making sacrifices no one asked you to make. Giving up things without really considering how they affect your own life." Laurel says trying to placate the both of them. 

"She doesn't need me right now. Some stuff it's better to do on your own." 

"That's some classic Oliver Queen bull if I ever heard it." Tommy chimes in. "I've been telling you for years, you shouldn't make decisions on your own about what other people need or deserve."  

"Why is it that when it comes to making decisions for other people you can map everything out perfectly, but when it comes to yourself you start in with the self-sacrificing bs?" 

"Self-sacrificing? Everything's not about me guys. I'm not doing this for me." 

"Trust me. We're aware, God forbid you make a selfish decision." 

"I can't have her waking up one day regretting the choices that she made because I was there whispering in her ear." 

"Why can't you just support whatever decision she makes?" 

"Because I'm not sure I do and I can't pretend to. Felicity's life work is her music and I just don't see a situation where it's a healthy environment for her. I'm not going to watch her get drawn back into that world." 

"So, are you protecting her or yourself?" Tommy asks from the couch. It's an excellent question and would seem much more profound if he wasn't currently carjacking an elderly woman on the tv screen. 

"Her... myself... both of us? I don't know. Is it selfish that I don't want to watch her fall into the rabbit hole again? And there's other shit...." He knows he never really got over all the lying. The first night they'd met, later with the Chase bullshit. "It was a lot happening in a very short span of time, and I think a break will be good for both of us. 

"I'm not giving up, maybe our time is next week or ten years from now. I don’t know. But right now, all I want to do is focus on our work." 

Looking at his friends he can tell there's more they want to say. He knows they don't agree with his reasoning, but he hopes they let it go.  

"Fine, we'll table this for now." Laurel announces, cutting her eyes at Digg who clearly has more life advice to dole out. But thankfully, he just rolls his eyes, deflating back into the paperwork he was reviewing.  

"We're officially announcing your bid in a week Queen." He gruffs out.  

"Not sooner?" 

"We don't want to look opportunistic, let Grundy's heat die down and you'll look better." Laurel interjects. 

"Where are we announcing?" 

Digg pulls out his tablet, showing him a few places and plans of execution for each venue. They pick a spot and lose themselves in planning for a few hours.   

 He knows they're at least a little bit right. He feels himself going through the motions, that he isn't fully present most days. 

The hardest part is not knowing if they're right about other things. Was he wrong to just let Felicity go? She'll find her way back to him when she's ready. 

It's what he tells himself when he falls asleep that night and when he wakes up the next morning.  

 _She'll find her way back._  

 

>>>\----------> 

 

Felicity's sessions with Caitlin are some of the most emotionally draining things she's ever done. She's met with her twice a week for three weeks at this point. And they'd only touched on the night of the awards, focusing on what she wants out of life and what would be the first step to get her there.  

And her mom. Caitlin has her keeping a journal, so she has a long well thought out list of all the things she's mad at her mom about. She's surprised to realize the thing she's most upset about, is how Donna had allowed her to feel guilty about the sacrifices they'd had to make when she was young. She feels manipulated even  now, because for some reason she can't help but miss her.

Caitlin's been encouraging her to talk to her mom or invite her to a session, but honestly, she's not there yet. Donna's been calling her nonstop and she hasn't been back to the house since the day she left, she just wants to be mad right now. She's never really allowed herself to really mad at her mom. So, she's gonna let it out for a while. The fact that she knows her mother is probably stewing is just a bonus. 

She can tell Caitlin thinks staying in the music industry is going to be a major obstacle for her, but instead of saying it outright, she encouraged her to steer her career in a way that would make her feel gratified.  

She's also pretty sure Caitlin agrees with Oliver, that he was right to let her work through these things on her own. She disagrees for obvious reasons, but it's a moot point. She's here on her own and working out her shit so she doesn’t dwell. 

Her homework for the next few days is to find a manager or lawyer she trusts to go with her to Palmer Recordings and hash out the details of her contract. Preferably before they lose interest and she has no leverage. And to try and deepen some of the ties she has with people in her life.  

The general lack of connection she feels with the people around her is one of the things that left her feeling so lost. But she also realizes some of that is her own doing, keeping people at an arm's length in fear of misplacing her trust. 

So, she calls the closest people she has to friends, Sara and Sin. Sin is already in New York for Fashion Week but Sara doesn't leave until tomorrow, so she invites her to Jitters for coffee. 

"Hey!" She greets her leaning over the booth to kiss her cheek before taking the seat across from her. "I heard you were back in town, how are you?"  

She's called a few times but she hasn't seen Sara since the night of the AMA's and even though she's trying to foster a friendship with her, she almost defaults to her go-to answer for everything feelings related ' _I'm good_.' But she considers the purpose of this meeting and decides to lay her cards on the table. 

"Uh better? I... I've been seeing a therapist." 

Sara's brow raises at the confession. "Wow that’s great. It's a big step." 

"Thanks... So that's kind of why I asked you here today.... apparently, I need to work on letting myself connect with people. Building a support system and whatnot... You and Sin are the closest thing I've had to friends in a while... I was hoping to build on that." Her fingers are ripping up a napkin. Rolling the scraps into tiny balls, trying to suppress the nerves and urge to run.  

She's immediately confused by the flicker of offense she sees in Sara's eyes when she looks up from her handiwork.  

"You haven't considered us friends the last few years we've been together?" 

She's not sure what she was expecting her to say but it's not that. The real surprise is the genuine hurt she's reading from Sara.  

"I'm your job. Ninety percent of the time we send together is obligatory." 

"No offense Felicity, but Sin and I are great at our jobs. Like really good. We could work with literally anyone, Helena and Damian try to poach us every time we see them. We're with  _you_ because it's where we want to be. " 

"We never talk. Not really. Not about anything that matters."  

"That’s because you're like a baby deer! Every time we get too close you start scrambling and deflecting until you're back in your comfort zone. It's why we never asked about the night of the Billboards. We knew you weren't ready to talk about it with us, but I always thought you knew we had your back." 

Sara and Sin have been her stylists since the beginning. Being able to turn to them when she felt suffocated or her thoughts were getting dark... It would have made a world of difference. Knowing that she could have had that the whole time, that she'd suffered in silence for so long... 

 "I... I don't know what to say."  

Sara runs a hand through her hair, sighing into the booth a little. "It's fine. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to attack you. I just... I feel like a shitty friend because you didn't feel like you could turn to me when you needed to. I could have done more. I  _should_ have done more." 

"I'm not sure there's anything you could have done. I let too much fall to the side. I'm as responsible for where I ended up as anyone else. People only treat you the way you allow them to." 

Sara's lips purse and Felicity can tell she's not totally okay with that explanation, but she takes a deep breath, steeling herself.  

"Do you want to just start over? Clean slate? I'm kind of a shitty human and a bit of a flake, but I like to think it's part of my charm." 

Felicity nods and Sara leans across the table to take her hands. "I'm telling you right now Felicity Smoak, I am your friend. And anything you need you can come to me for. Any problems you have, I'm there to help you through. I expect the same in return." 

"I promise." She says genuinely. It makes her feel vulnerable. In a good way. The way it always feels when you open yourself up to someone for the first time.  

"Good." Sara says, the usually care free woman blinking away misty eyes. "God, now I need a drink." 

Felicity smiles. Their relationship may not have taken on any of the heavy the stuff, but she can say, Sara and Sin have been at the center of most of her good memories the last few years. 

"You know, since we're starting this new honest friendship thing, I gotta say, I think you might have a bit of a drinking problem Sara." She says pinching her fingers together. "Just a little bit." 

"Uh, duh, Smoak it's a key part of my personality. It's like you don't even know me at all." She says with mock seriousness.  

Felicity laughs looking down into her coffee mug, the cream melted down and swirling in thick patterns.  

"Also, I fired my mom."  

"Oh shit, that's awesome." 

"Really?" 

"Of course, Donna's a good person somewhere deepdown and I know she cares about you, but she's been suffocating you for years." 

"I know, I hate it took so long for me to realize it." 

"I saw on one of the trash mags that you'd moved out but I wasn't sure how legit the news was." 

"I'm back at the hotel right now, the staff keeps looking at me like the want to put a sentry at my door to make sure I don't do anything crazy." 

"I can give you the number of the realtor I used last, she's really good in bed. But also, really good at her job, which you probably care about more." 

"Oh wow, that'd actually be awesome. I always hated how impersonal the hotel was and we just had the house built. I'm not just gonna kick my mom out and it's never really felt like home for me anyway." 

"Yeah, it'll definitely make work easier." 

"Speaking of which, I'm going to try and do this music thing again, but I can't not have control over the things happening to me again, I'm not sure how having a stylist works with that." 

"If you give me guidelines I can shop within them and you can pick from the selections I find or ask about specific pieces and I can find them and work them into your wardrobe, make suggestions about designers and stuff. I usually just did that stuff with Donna, doing it with you will be much more fun I'm sure." 

"I never even knew that, I just thought you guys brought whatever you liked." 

"Oh no, Donna was very specific about your wardrobe and hair. It was a headache working with her to be honest." 

She can't help but think it's kind of fucked up her mom never included her in the process, if only to ask her opinion or pretend like she had a say in  _something,_ but she decides to let it go. She already had enough reasons to resent her mom, no need to add on to the list. Besides, she's focusing on the future now.  

"Sara Lance, I think this might be the beginning of a beautiful friendship." 

"Good because I got back with Nyssa and need advice before I sabotage it again." 

Felicity can't help the smile that crosses her face thinking of Nyssa and Sara together. They complement each other in the best ways, but could never make long term work out.  

"And down the rabbit hole we go." She jokes as Sara starts talking about their latest argument.  

 

They're at Jitters for about an hour before Sara leaves to get ready for her trip. Much like her sessions with Caitlin she finds just having someone to talk to about the things happening in her life is a relief. She hates that this is something she could have had years ago if she'd been able to get out of her own way. 

When she goes to pay for their drinks at the front of the café, she runs into a familiar face. 

"Hey, I think I saw you at Palmer Recordings a while back, was it... Irene?" 

She looks up from the register both confused and surprised. "Oh, wow you're Felicity Smoak. No, it's Iris. My name is Iris. Is this a universe where I forgot a meeting with a popstar?"  

"Sorry, and no I was eavesdropping while you we're in the lobby trying to get in for your meeting with Slade Wilson and had flashbacks." 

She lets out a huff, rolling her eyes. "I guess I should be glad I'm not the only person Wilson keeps hanging on by a thread, I was starting to take it personally." 

"Oh no, he totally gets off on the power. Also, you didn't hear it from me but he won't be at PR much longer anyway, get your clients music to Patty on the fourth floor, she's much more open to new artists. At the very least she'll treat you like a person." 

"Thanks for the heads up, I don't know how this good fortune fell in my lap but I'm grateful for it. Hopefully something can come out of it and I can start managing full time." 

"No problem seeing you fight for your client like that was awesome, I'm just happy to help." 

 She nods giving her a grateful smile. Felicity pays for her drinks and is turning to leave when a somewhat crazy thought pops into her head. She turns abruptly, surprising Iris with the sudden movement and even more with her next words.

"Hey, are you taking on anyone new?" 

 

"Okay, you can't be serious about this." 

She and Iris are in the booth she shared with Sara and Felicity is sure she's giving off mad scientist vibes, but for some reason everything in her is telling her this is a good idea. 

"I am  _so_ serious." 

"Felicity, not to sell myself short here, but my biggest client is a purse jacker on the weekends, I'm not sure I'm up to par with what you're used to. I have no connections, and the only thing you know about me is I'm a part time barista who yells at record company assistants on her off days..." 

"Are you honest?" 

"Well yes, bu-" 

"Will you do everything in your power to get my career where want I it to be?" 

"Felicity this is insane." 

"I don't think so Iris. You're a manager, I'm an artist without a manager. This is all pretty cut and dry to be honest." 

"I've only ever worked independent artists, I wouldn't even know where to begin managing a power career like yours." 

"Good, that’s what I want. I want control over my music. Your biggest job right now would be hashing out a new contract for me with creative freedom." 

"Your contract with PR? I thought it was good for three albums?" 

"It was, I was 'accidentally' dropped from the label but the paperwork is binding. I have a strong position right now and I don’t know what to do with it." 

Iris just stares at her as if she's a puzzle she can't figure out. "I'm not dropping my other client."  She says with finality.

"I never expected you would." 

Iris shakes her head, her face a mixture of surprise and disbelief. 

"Before I accept I want to go over your career points. I get off in thirty, if you don't mind waiting we can talk after I close shop?"

"Cool, I'll wait here in the booth." 

Iris just nods before standing to go back to the register. Felicity is fairly certain she's gone nuts. Iris is a stranger in every sense of the word with little experience and few connects. But everytime doubt creeps up at this idea, she sees Iris arguing for a slot with Slade Wilson, the fire and will in her eyes. She wants someone like that on her team. There are few things harder than finding a manager who's number one focus isn't the bottom line. This feels like an opportunity to find someone who'd look out for her and not just a paycheck. Something about her feels honest.

For the next thirty minutes she sits and waits, Iris's eyes drifting toward her every now and then as if expecting her to disappear. Her replacement is a little late, but before long she's heading back over. She slides into the booth, the tentativeness she carried earlier gone, replaced with a familiar stark determination. It's the same look that made her stand out that afternoon at PR. 

"Tell me what you want Felicity Smoak." 

  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I'll try not to crawl back under my rock until this is completed!
> 
> In the meantime, if you wanted to leave a little comment or somethin' I would enjoy it very much :D


	19. Confidently Lost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look who almost updated in the same month :D  
> THIS GIRL!
> 
> The music from this chapter forward I consider to be a part of Felicity's album. I'll include a tracklist toward it's completion in the story. I found so many awesome artists while writing this and trying to decide what I wanted her sound to be so I hope you'll check them out!
> 
> Happy reading :D

"Confidently Lost"  
Sabrina Claudio

 

 

I'm alone but I'm not lonely   
Comfortably indulging   
And trying to get to know me   
I'm just an outline of what I used to be   
Constantly evolving   
Steadily revolving 

I am confidently lost   
I don't need you to find me   
You don't define me   
I am confidently lost   
I don't need you to find me   
'Cause I'm not hiding   
Anything   
Anything 

Made up of hope and meditation   
Love, imagination   
Water my creations   
Baby it's amazing   
All the days I'm facing   
Nothing seems to phase me 

'Cause I am confidently lost   
I don't need you to find me   
'Cause I'm not hiding   
Anything   
Anything   
Anything   
Anything 

Thinking about where I've gone   
Where I'm going   
And I wouldn't change it for the world   
Thinking about where I'm from   
If I belong there   
But I wouldn't change it for anything   
(Oh I wouldn't change it for anything) 

Anything   
Anything   
Anything 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Felicity's palms are already sweating when she and Iris arrive at Pamer Recordings, nervous excitement eating at her. Ironically enough, Iris's been listening to Eminem the entire ride over to get herself in badass mode.  

On top of her fairly extensive list of demands, this is also her first time in this situation without her mom. Which feels wrong about as much as it feels right. 

Ray is alone at his desk, tinkering with his guitar, when they enter his office. He smiles widely welcoming them in, standing to shake their hands when they get closer. 

This a definitive moment for her. If this doesn't go as planned, she's not sure where she goes from here. It took her years to build up clout within PR. The idea of starting new somewhere else is daunting. If they don't want to hear her out, she'll really be independent.  

"Hi Mr. Palmer, I'm Iris West." Her tone is much more confident than Felicity believes Iris to be. Going from begging for a meeting with a music rep to meeting with the president of the company was a change for sure. But the resolve Iris projects rubs off, like a security blanket, loaning her it's strength. 

"Call me Ray, I guess this means the rumors about you and Donna were true." He says taking a seat at his messy desk. 

"Yeah, me and my mother are taking a break from working together. Iris is my new manager." 

"I'm not sure I'm familiar with the name, what agency are you with?" 

"I'm kind of an independent contractor." 

"Ah, well let's get down to business." He turns to speak directly to her, his tone serious. "Felicity, I'd like to personally apologize for the mix up with your initial contract. Slade Wilson is no longer associated with Palmer Recordings, I hope we can come to an amicable agreement for a new contract." 

"Me too. Palmer Recordings was the first place to take a real chance on me and I'd like to continue our relationship. That said I have some stipulations." 

"I know, you want a song on the album. We're willing to accommodate the expense to get you back." 

"Actually," Iris interrupts, pulling out two fresh copies of a contract she'd drafted the night before. "Ms. Smoak would like to release a completely new album, with full creative rights." 

The way Ray's eyes bug out would actually be funny if she wasn't so damn nervous. 

"What the hell Felicity? We've got a half million pressed cd's ready for distribution, we're already lined up for online releases, touring, not to mention the hours of studio and production hours that when in to that album. We can't just scrap it, I'm sorry. We would at least break even releasing it without you." 

"We're willing to forgo changing the Masterpiece album and allow it to be released as is." 

It was a hard decision to make but in the end she decided to make the sacrifice. It's the last concession she'll ever make and if all goes according to plan it will be a stepping stone to the career she really wants. 

"Then how would this be different from just releasing another album a year from now?" 

"I won't be touring or ever performing any of the songs from Masterpiece. It's not who I am anymore. It never really was." 

"Felicity, I respect all this, honestly I do, but this is a business, Felicity. How does this benefit PR?" 

Iris jumps in at that, sliding the reworked contract over to Ray. 

"Well for one, you'd be able to keep your second highest grossing artist on the payroll. She'll tour for the new project she creates and we both know those tickets are going to sell regardless of what she does on stage. The 200 grand you were willing to spend to re-press Masterpiece will go toward production and promotion of Felicity's new album, the remainder of which will be kicked back to PR. And we're also willing to take a onetime 6% pay cut on the proceeds from the Masterpiece album.  The 10% that remains from her cut will be donated to a charity of her choosing. And we get to pick the new albums release date." 

He flips through the papers she gives him, his eyes meeting hers when he realizes she doesn't want any of the proceeds from Masterpiece. 

"A charity? You're just wiping your hands of the entire thing? You spent a year on that album Felicity." 

"Don't remind me. It's a whole year I'll never get back. The only upside is that it was barely any work on my end." 

Ray is pensive, eyes darting between her and the printed contract. 

"You're basically asking PR to bankroll your independent career and despite the success of your songs with Chase, you're a fairly new artist and a huge liability lately. I'm going to have to think on this one." 

It's not the answer she was hoping for but it's not a flat-out no either. Regardless she's not budging. 

"Do what you have to." Iris says standing. "Just know this is a take it or leave it kind of situation and the non-compete clause in the original contract is no longer valid, if we don't have a definitive yes within a reasonable time frame, we'll be heading to a competitor."  

Ray nods his head begrudgingly, shaking both their hands again.  

"Where the hell did you find a bigger bulldog than Donna Smoak?" Ray asks her seriously. He looks comically stressed and she imagines this all must be quite the surprise for him. Her mother was stubborn that’s for sure and always got her demands across when they hashed out these things. But her focus was always financial, any creative license was up for grabs. And here she is today trying to make an unprecedented deal as a new artist for full control over her music giving up the opportunity to make millions.  

"A coffee shop." She says a smile spreading across her face as she heads to the door, Iris close behind her. " I hope I hear from you soon, Ray." 

 

Leaving PR, Iris reassures her one more time of their decision to present Ray with the ultimatum up front, certain that they'll get a call back.  

The first person she wants to tell is Oliver. She considers calling or even stopping by, but another part of her doesn't want to see him until she's got everything together. So, she goes to see Caitlin instead. 

 

"Felicity this is great. I'm glad to see you're making so much progress." 

"Thank you. I can barely believe the position I'm in now." 

"This was a solid win for you Felicity, you should be proud of yourself regardless of the outcome. I want you to be in a place where having the inability to control everything doesn't lead you back to a dark place but gives you an opportunity to communicate or adjust your desires. Lack of control is a part of everyone's life and I want you to be comfortable without a plan. Do you feel you're making progress on that front?" 

She thinks back on her issues while shopping. How recently she can't find anything to do with her time, but sit in her hotel room binge watching tv and snacking. Her habit of pretending things that bother her just don't exist.  

"I feel like I'm doing well with the major milestones, but when it comes to smaller things not so much. Personal decisions, that shouldn't be difficult at all that I've gotten used to having decided for me. It still feels like there's a blueprint I'm supposed to be following. Like I'm waiting for instruction..."  

"That's the thing Felicity, there is no blueprint to being yourself. You don't have to choose or commit to anything. And, you shouldn't right now anyway. This is a transitional period nothing should be set in stone. Just become comfortable with yourself." 

"Do whatever feels right in the moment and worry about the consequences later." 

"Well within reason but, essentially. yes. There's been a great deal of rigidity I your life, a lot of it out of your control but some of it's been self-imposed. Take the next few weeks as an opportunity to try everything that interests you the least bit and run with it. Try out new hobbies, your music is your job as much as it is a release. Make new connections with people, travel and gain new experiences.  Experiment with your style, it's all up for grabs." 

"That’s a little terrifying." 

"Good. It should be. As a matter of fact, I challenge you to do one thing every day that scares you for the next few weeks. Wherever life leads you, just do something unexpected." 

"I'm kind of an overachiever Doc." She half jokes, her mind already running with possibilities. 

"I expect it at this point Ms. Smoak." 

 

The next three weeks of Felicity 's life she does everything she's ever wanted to do and everything that shows up in her local google search.  

She finds a groupon and goes skydiving with Sara. And vomits as soon as they hit stable ground. Her partner in crime already gearing up for a second trip. 

_ " Oh my fucking God Smoak! We're doing this again, right now. Wipe your mouth gorgeous, you're gross ." _

 

She lets Sin give her a surprise haircut. It's barely passing her ears at this point, and she kind of looks like she's brings cookies to neighborhood watch meetings and Sin won't let her forget it, singing Stacy's Mom every opportunity she finds.  

_ "I'd let you drive me to soccer practice anytime, Ms. Smoak. " _

 

She tries to fry chicken, which she's sure is her biggest fail so far. 

_ "How is it both  over and undercooked at the same time though? Explain that Rachel Ray! " _

 

She goes goth for a week and the internet loses its mind. 

 **IS FELICITY SMOAK THE NEWEST MEMBER OF THE ILLUMINATI? Read more here >>** 

 

She confronts kangaroos at the Star City Petting Zoo. Sara and Sin are the worst company. 

_"Show that kangaroo who's boss!" "Right in the pouch!" _

 

She almost loses her life skateboarding, finds a new hobby in coding, rides a jet ski, eats ghost pepper wings. It's all amazing.  

It makes her realize how much she's been limiting herself, how big the world is. How much opportunity there is. How much potential. 

 

The experiences inspire her first song for the album.  

Writers block has been eating at her since she left Mexico and everything happened with Oliver but these last few weeks make her feel open in a way she's not sure she's ever experienced. Not being signed, being alone with herself, having friends she can call if she needs them. She still feels directionless but it's not suffocating like it was just few months ago and she revels in it.  

 

 

> I'm alone but I'm not lonely   
>  Comfortably indulging   
>  And trying to get to know me   
>  I'm just an outline of what I used to be   
>  Constantly evolving   
>  Steadily revolving   
>    
>  I am confidently lost   
>  I don't need you to find me   
>  You don't define me   
>  And I'm not hiding,   
>  Anything
> 
>  

She finishes the lyrics in a matter of days, the melody trapped in her head. She wants it out. She doesn't want to stuff it in the box of unfinished business. But she needs a studio to record it.  Ray's still considering their deal, Iris has given him three more days to decide, already setting up meetings with other companies and contingencies in case they have to do it on their own. 

Oddly enough, not being tied to a label is also kind of freeing and she wants to finish this particular song before she knows the outcome.  

They're supposed to be discussing her options now, over breakfast, but she can't stop working on the it. 

"If you really want to record, I know a place." Iris says between bites of cantaloupe. 

"Really?" 

"It's probably not as fancy as what you're used to but I've heard magic come from it." 

She tilts her head, considering the offer. "I could use a little magic." 

"My guy has a session there tonight, you should come. We'll get this out then." 

"I'll be there." 

It's quiet for a moment, and Felicity tries to pretend like she doesn't notice how awkward Iris's movements are slowly becoming. Pushing her food around her plate, rustling the contract papers a little too much. 

"Spit it out West." Iris starts at her words, pursing her lips guilty before furrowing her brows in determination. 

"So, Felicity, I know technically we just met like a few weeks ago... but in order to really deal with this I need you to lay all your cards on the table.  I can't fix anything if I don't have the details, I can't spin if I don't know the truth... So, I need you to trust me and be honest with me... how much truth is there to this suicide attempt that’s been reported?" 

She bites her lip and finds herself fiddling with a loose strand on her jeans. Thing had been going so well she'd almost forgotten about the albatross on her career.  Of all the changes she'd made in her life over the last few weeks this was still the most reported story surrounding her. "A lot more than I let on in that first press conference." 

Iris sits back, staring into her fruit salad, seemingly lost in thought. "How many people know?" 

"My mom, Oliver, my new therapist. Sara and Sin." 

"So the rumors Chase is spreading, those are true too?" 

"That's total horse shit. That asshole had nothing to do with why I did what I did. He doesn't even really know what happened that night." 

"It's amazing given your profile that this didn't leak somehow, is Officer Queen or your mom a threat? Either of them feeling scorned right now?" 

"No, Oliver isn't a threat at all. My mom may be feeling scorned but she'd never  _actively_ try and destroy my life."   

"Good, I have an idea on how to handle this, but I need to know you're up for it. I don't want to be a part of putting you back out there if it's not something you're mentally ready for." 

"No, I'm actually glad you're here. That’s what all this is about, taking charge of my life. My music.  I'm ready." 

"Good. Ironically enough Officer Queen's campaign is actually what inspired the media strategy I came up with last night." 

"How's that? 

"His campaign doesn't have a lot of funding and he's new to the political sphere, so his managers get his name out by catering directly to his constituents. Young voters, people who live in the Glades. Grassroots is what it's called. They're wielding social media like a weapon. I want to do the same thing with you." 

"I've had four top charting hits, I'm not exactly an underground artist Iris." 

"You're never too big to connect with your fan base. I was thinking we go with transparency and make you real. Your camps always been super secretive and really specific with your schedule and what you said and did publicly, playing up the glamour and the sexy side of being a celeb. Which is why the paparazzi is always stalking you, waiting on something to expose. You made yourself an easy target. But if you're an open book what's the point? If you break your own news it takes away the mystery. And I know how you hate interviews, they'd become less necessary as well." 

"Transparency means I'd have to tell the truth about that night doesn't it?" 

"It's not anyone's business but your own, if it's not what you want we can work on finding another way around this." 

"I'm working on it, I'm just not sure I'm in the full throttle honesty place yet. I want to do it before I release my real album, but it's going to take time to get there." 

"If coming clean is something you want to do eventually we can still do this, trickle it in. Maybe start managing your own twitter and Instagram. Connect with some popular music channels on YouTube, maybe start a vlog?" 

"I can do that." 

"And when you're ready to be open about what happened we do one televised interview with an unbiased source, someone like Cat who has never had anything nice to say about anyone. She wouldn't lie for you and she won't go easy on you, but she's professional and a trustworthy news source who won't trump up the drama for ratings either. And maybe a major magazine issue, Rolling Stone or Vogue would be good choices." 

"This all seems really achievable." 

"That's because it is, so many up and coming artists utilize social media this way. You're telling me you're going to be a new artist, this is how you create a new fan base. " 

She's had all these ideas lately, Iris's social media idea actually works really well with them. 

"I was thinking maybe a visual album? Self-recorded music videos and in-studio vlogs, it could be so cool. Do you think we can get PR to agree to remove all my old videos from YouTube? It'd probably send mixed messages having them side by side." 

"I can try. I know I can at least get them removed from your VEVO, maybe they'd agree to put them under the company account with the smaller artists. That way all our new stuff is accessible from one place." 

It's a heady feeling. Holding all the cards, everything really being up to her. 

"This is really exciting, I can't remember the last time I was this excited to work on this kind of stuff." 

"Well, I'm glad to be of service." Iris says smiling, going back to jotting plans down in her notebook. 

"So, you've been following Oliver's campaign?" Felicity says casually. 

"Well yeah, I live in the Glades and he's kind of an awesome candidate. He's doing some great things, Roy damn near worships the guy. We're just waiting on the official announcement." 

"Roy, that's your other client?" 

"Yeah, he's pretty sure I'm making up this whole managing you thing, I'm going to have to introduce you guys and make him eat his words." 

 

She leaves Iris with the intention of meeting her at the studio in a few hours, squeezing in another session with Caitlin for the week. There's something else important she wanted to do before she really started working on the new album. 

"Are you sure you want to do this? There's nothing wrong with keeping this a while longer or going through them gradually." Caitlin says opening the top of her industrial shredder. 

"Yeah, it feels like it's time. Everything I want to keep I'll take out." Peering into the box of lyrics feels like looking at an old scrapbook. "I've been carrying this stuff around for so long, some of this is from like ten years ago, and even the more recent stuff... I just don't feel like who I was when I wrote a lot of it. I don't need it, it's just baggage."  

She slides the first few sheets of paper through its teeth and let's go of the memory tied to the lyric. 

_The first time she heard her mother cry through the walls._

_The first time she let her take her top off for a photo opp._

_The first time she considered suicide._

 

There are good memories too. She saves them for herself.

 

_The night her mom skipped work to take her to her first concert._

_The night she learned she was officially signed to Palmer Recordings._

_The night she realized how she felt about Oliver._

 

She shares some of the with Caitlin, some of them come out as stories others still unfinished melodies. Some of them she's forgotten the memory for, but the hollow feeling they leave behind is all too familiar. 

 

In the end she's left with an empty box and a bittersweet feeling she can't quite explain. 

"I'm supposed to be moving on, I don't want a box of horrible memories sitting on a shelf in my closet." 

"Good, I'm proud of you Felicity. I'm also glad you finally got a real notebook." 

"Yeah, I was actually going to get one, but someone delivered some to my hotel." 

She'd been putting it off again, still doodling on napkins whenever the opportunity arose. But the week before she'd been called to the front desk for a delivery. A beautiful set of personalized journals. Customized colors and patterns. The first in the stack I pretty tie-dye one with the words "you are entirely up to you' stitched into the cover. 

"They're so nice, I couldn't not use them. No one's fessed up to being behind the gift though. Here's hoping I don't have an incredibly thoughtful stalker." 

"Well I'm glad to see you writing again, especially in an officially designated notebook. It's a sign of confidence, you take your own music more seriously instead of brushing it off as something no one would ever see." 

"Oh my Gosh, Caitlin you're so good at this, can you follow me around and let me know all the subconsciously awesome things I'm doing in real time?" 

She just raises an eyebrow, shaking her head. "I'm not sure you could afford me." 

"Is this because I'm technically a struggling and unemployed artist right now? Because, I'm totally I'm good for it." 

"Isn't that like the official struggling artist motto?" 

"It is. We voted last week." Caitlin just laughs at her 

"The point is, Felicity, you're planting roots. And aren't you supposed to be house shopping soon?" 

"Yes, I told Sara I was taking Sin and she just started laughing. It didn't seem like a good sign." 

"And you're recording your first real song tonight, that has to be exciting." 

"It is, I almost don't care if Ray picks up my contract. I know I'll be fine either way." 

"That's more progress. Excepting that things aren't always in your control and feeling secure while being uncertain." 

"I guess you're right, when PR first dropped me I thought my career was over. Between that and that asshat assaulting me I just knew no one would ever take me seriously again, I'd just be this huge joke until I faded into obscurity. I considered opening an apothecary."  

"An apothecary?" 

"I was in a weird place. This huge part of my life, my music, felt unattainable, but Oliver made me feel like I could do anything. So, my options were quite varied." 

"That's quite interesting." 

"Yep, if my mom had never found us, I'd probably be happy as hell making candles out of a beachside bungalow ..." 

"But?" 

"I think it always comes back to the music for me. It's my calling, just like helping people is his... I would of comeback to it eventually." 

"Does this mean you agree with Oliver's decision to go on a beak?' 

"No. I feel like everything I'm doing could happen with him at my side... But I guess it's nice to know I can do it on my own. I can't wait to see what we can accomplish together." 

"I think it's actually more important than you realize for you to know you could do this on your own. Especially considering how you and Oliver's relationship began." 

"Because he saved me?" 

She nods, crossing her legs. "Sometimes we can feel indebted to someone without realizing it. Now ten years from now you won't wonder. You'll know." 

"The crazy thing is, I know Oliver and I think he'd back to me now If I came clean about all this. I think he's just afraid that me not being honest about it all and still trying to do my music is just going to bring me back to where I was that night.  I'm just not there yet though. For everyone to know. To be talking about it. Making assumptions about me..." 

"Don't rush it. Everything happens when it's supposed to. You may wake up tomorrow and feel ready, it might not be for another year. This is something you  _can_ control and it's a decision no one gets to rush out of you, not even Oliver. You've been making amazing progress. Be proud of yourself." 

"I am." She says honestly. 

 _Go Felicity._  

 

When she arrives at the studio she's not sure what she's expecting. If she's being honest she doesn't really care, all she really needs is a mic. 

She has enough presence of mind to Uber here, sure that her fancy convertible would either be on hubcaps or gone entirely by time she left. It's not a judgement, just a statement of fact. It also reminds her that she needs to trade in the sports car for something a little more suitable for every day. 

The studio is unsuspecting, in an older building in a moderately bad part of town but unless you had reason to, you probably wouldn't have known it was here. Which considering the area is probably the point.  Iris opens the gate to the door before she has a chance to knock. 

"Thank god, you're here. This jerk thinks I've made our entire relationship up." She locks the door behind her pulling her down a hallway to a room full of equipment. 

The bones are good. The actual studio itself is kind of rundown but the equipment is good quality. They probably put every extra penny they have into this place. 

The angry pretty guy, Roy, breaks his apparently permanent scowl with surprise. 

"Holy shit you weren't lying. You really got Malibu Barbie down here." 

 _Malibu Barie?_  

She feels massive amounts of snark bubbling, but represses it with a raised eyebrow. "Ok, watch it Abercrombie." 

"I knew you two were gonna get along." Iris says wrapping an arm around Roy's shoulder as if she'd just made the match of the century. 

 

Okay so Iris might have been right. 

They work beautifully together. 

Although, it is a struggle for a while there.  

 

_"I know he doesn't look like much but he can play just about any instrument and is a genius at mixing and mastering. I bet you guys can hammer out a full instrumental before the nights out."_

_"I don't do that bubblegum pop bullshit you've been peddling, so don't even-."_

_Iris chops him down before she even gets a chance. "Right because you obviously have better things to do than hang out with a beautiful Billboard Award winning, AMA nominated artist."_

_"Yeah, what she said. Now shut up and play those drums like I told you." She snarks back at him. He just rolls his eyes and begins to play._

_Felicity realizes fairly quickly she's a perfectionist, but Roy is surprisingly easy to work with when he's not talking and actually has helpful input._

_They work for hours. She layers the different melodies on top of each other to create a smooth instrumental, although it's fairly simple because the song itself is quite delicate. It's mostly dependent on her vocal performance, the light tapping of the drums and gentle strumming of the guitar just an undercurrent. Roy adds his own touches to the beat, synth beats and repeats of her vocals in parts where it's needed._

_When the music is complete and she starts to lay into the vocals, midway through the first set he stops playing. He's looking at her a little strangely and if she's being honest she's afraid of what he's going to say. This is technically her first time doing this, she's not sure how she'd handle him bitching at her about the music._

_"If you can sound like this why have you been putting out that pitch corrected nonsense."_

_"At the time it didn't feel like I had a choice. Now I know I do."_

_He just nods and shrugs a shoulder. He's got this whole brooding thing that vaguely reminds her of Oliver. "Start from the top."_

Iris records them with her iPhone. Like literally everything. The bickering, the music, the food breaks. After a while they barely even notice she's there. 

 She's amped up and Roy seems to be feeding off her energy and before she knows, it's 4am, Iris is asleep, and she has a rough demo of her first ever written and produced song. 

"I can't believe we actually laid audio on this tonight. I really thought it was just going to be the instrumental." She says watching the sound waves play out on the computer 

"Yeah, you're a bit of a dictator blondie." 

"I'll take it if we keep getting results like this."  

"So, you want to do this again?" He says it in passing, not even looking up at her as he puts away some of the recording equipment. But the thought of it sends an excited hum through her tired body.  

"Oh yes! I mean you're an ass, obviously, but I haven't connected musically with anyone before. This was amazing." 

"You never forget your first." He says snorting at his own joke. 

"Exactly... Wait no not like first, first. That ship has sailed. Not that there have been like, a lot of...passengers on this ship. Or that you're unattractive. But not everyone can ride this wave." 

"If you make one more nautical pun, I swear to God..." 

"You're right, I'm done, so done. I just meant this was fun... I'm going to be recording a full album if you're willing to put up with me, I'd like to do this again...." 

"You know you could literally work with anyone, why are you even here." He asks skeptically, turning back to face her. 

"I told you, I thought this went really well. I've never felt like this in the studio before, I want this energy in every song on my album. I don't need notoriety. I just need to make good music." 

He just stares at her for a beat before sighing. "You're not really what I was expecting." 

"I've been getting that a lot lately." 

"I was fully prepared to hate you, but I guess you're alright." 

"Thanks? I thought you didn't believe I was coming?"  

"It was more like I didn't think you would come  _here_."  

"I'm from a place just like this. The first nine years of my life we had to put a chair behind the front door to make sure no one would break in. My mom just worked her ass off to get us out of it." 

"Must be nice." 

"Living in a horrible apartment?" 

"Having a mom who gave a shit. Mine dipped first chance she got." 

She considers his words for a moment. A part of her misses her mom and is forever grateful for her. But a much larger part is still angry and feels used. Either way, it'll be a while before she's ready to see her. 

"That sounds more like my dad, in the end I think he was just dead weight. We're better off without them." 

"You are nothing at all like I was expecting." 

"I'll take it as a compliment." 

"You should." He says, a sly grin spreading across his face as he goes to wake Iris. 

He's rough around the edges but she's got a good feeling about him. She steals a copy of his EP to give to Patty herself.  

 

Two days later they get a call from Ray's office to schedule a meeting. 

Ray is quiet when they arrive. He opens up the contract Iris left with him weeks ago and starts scribbling and scrawling, crossing out whole sections in blue ink. She knows her requests were a little out there. But Iris told her to bank on PR being willing to take the chance on her. So, as difficult as it is, she's going to try and believe someone else will see her music as being worth the risk.  

When he finally speaks, it's to clarify new details in the contract. 

"We claim all royalties from Masterpiece after the first year. And I'll okay a new digital release album that Felicity will have full creative rights over. If it sales at least 300,000 copies we'll press out 100,000 albums for every 150,000 digital sales. A PR rep plans your tour, a minimum of 40 stops." 

He pushes the contract back to Iris, who starts making her own markings on the pages in red, talking as she makes her own changes. "Three percent of the Masterpiece royalties will continue to be donated indefinitely, you can keep the tax write off. A  _maximum_ of 40 stops, each show is at least at two days apart, and we pick the set lists. We also need any music videos associated with the album, scrapped."  

"God really Felicity? Those videos cost a fortune!" She just shrugs her a shoulder, a sympathetic smile on her lips. Ray just shakes his head before sighing heavily in concession. "PR maintains veto power on the set list, the two days doesn't include special events and award shows or Friday-Sunday weekend performances."  

It plays out like a tennis match. The back and forth has Felicity positively buzzing. This insane plan of hers is actually working. 

"Two vetoes. No more than three award show exceptions." 

"Six vetoes, seven award shows." 

"Four vetoes, and  _three_ award show exceptions.". 

"Deal."  

"You drive a hard deal Ms. West, I like it. Who else are you representing?" 

"We'll get to that later, let's talk re-signing bonus." Iris says, pulling out a second stack of papers. 

 Ray might actually groan a little before relaxing in his seat again. 

"Actually, before we do, before we sign any paperwork about this, Felicity I need you to handle this." He pulls out the latest copy of the Enquirer, she's on the cover with a splattering of unflattering speculation about her suicide attempt and her relationship with Chase. "End this, Felicity. Definitively. You love life, it was an accident. Whatever way you're dealing. Just get them to move the hell on." 

Iris is already gearing up for a rebuttal, before she can say anything Felicity grabs her arm. This is an easy concession for to make.  

It's what she wants as well. 

"I can do that. I just ask that you let me do it my way, okay Ray? You guys can release Masterpiece whenever I don't really care, but this, I'm doing it the way I want." 

"Felicity, I never realized it before but you're a bossy little thing, aren't you?" 

"Oh, you have no idea." She says with a smile. "But you will." 

 

Masterpiece drops a week later and it charts really well, which is honestly a little disappointing. There's a lot of speculation on why Felicity isn't doing more to promote it. Even more on why she chose to donate her proceeds from the album to a suicide prevention organization. It was a bold move, but it's about as far as she's willing to go at the moment. Rumors about her getting dropped from PR start circulating.  

The first picture she posts on her new Instagram is of her, Iris, and Ray at the final signing for her new contract. It feels like a new beginning, so that’s what she puts as the caption. The news stories about her that day take a positive note for a while and Felicity is worshipping Iris once again. She's always avoided social media at all costs since she tends to take the comments a little too personally considering they come from strangers. But just posting the one photo got her better press than she's had in a while, so she decides she'll journal her feelings about anything that really bothers her and talk it out with Caitlin during their sessions when she needs to for now. 

Caitlin was over the moon with the progress she'd made. Talking things out with Sara and realizing how much she'd been sabotaging her own relationships, finding Iris and working out her career, and working on moving out of the hotel. 

 _"_ _You're_   _making a lot of major changes in your life_ _Felicity, you need to be stable. It needs to be a home whatever that means for you."_  

Oliver was home for her if she was being honest, but Felicity understood what she'd meant when she said it. And even still, that felt like it was expanding to include so many people. 

Which is why she and Sin were apartment shopping with Lisa, from Snart Realty.  

 

"This place has bad juju." 

"Oh my God, Sin you've said that about the last three places." 

"If you want to stay somewhere with suspicious vibes you can, you just won't be getting many brownie deliveries from me my friend." 

"If I'd known how superstitious you were, I'd have brought Sara." 

"Sara judges every apartment based off counter height vs counter sex plausibility." 

Lisa barely suppresses a snort. "I'm sure there are worst ways to pick a home." 

"Agreed. What's so bad about this place?" 

She shrugs, but the upturned lip she gives looking around is pretty much a giveaway to her thoughts. "I just think we should try one more place." 

"This is the last apartment I have on my list, but there's one more property I can show you that I think you'll like,  given your profile I was going to leave it off the list. The neighborhood is one of the nicer ones in Starling but it's on the more affordable side in terms of amenities." 

"Well lead the way." She says following behind Lisa to trail her to the next stop. She turns to Sin and pokes her sternly in the shoulder. "If your juju meter goes off in the next place itkeep to yourself." 

"You'll thank me later." Sin says, already heading toward the door. 

 

The neighborhood they follow Lisa to is much more open than the previous places they've stopped. There are actual people outside for one, walking dogs and strollers, it's nice. This is the only place they've stopped that hasn't had a doorman or anything else more secure than just the door, but the community itself is gated and she supposes it's a bit of a risk but she also likes something about not being trapped. 

The townhouse is nice and modern with just enough city feel to give the neighborhood an edge. The bright orange door calls out to her. Inside, the gray wood floors and stark white walls give it cold feeling that reminds her a lot of the place she shared with her mom, which for some reason makes her just want to paint and decorate and breathe life into the space.  

"Three bedrooms, two and a half baths. It's a little smaller than some of the other spaces, but at $650 it's also more affordable." 

"Growing up I don't think I ever thought I'd reach a place in life where 650 thousand dollars' worth of anything could be seen as  _affordable_." 

"You're in the big leagues now kid." Sin says, peeking her head around the wall leading to the bathroom. 

"There's also a roof top balcony you'd have all to yourself. Great for entertaining." 

"How do you like it Sin? No juju?" 

"No, this place is actually kind of awesome. I even think Sara will even approve of the counter tops." 

"Ha! Someone just got uninvited from the housewarming party." 

"The second room was fashioned as an office space but I'm sure it wouldn't be difficult to turn it into a studio instead." Lisa says, leading her to nicely sized room on the second floor 

"An in-home studio? Where's the dotted line?" 

"Does that mean you're taking it?" 

"Yeah, actually. I think it does." It comes out sounding more like a question, but she's surprisingly sure in her decision. 

"Awesome, I'll draw up the paperwork and you can come down to the agency tomorrow to finalize it." 

"You guys are in the Business District, right?" 

"Yep, two buildings down from city hall. My brother bought the most obnoxious sign, you can't miss it."  

"Awesome, I'll meet you there tomorrow then." 

She gives the place one last look over as she heads to the door, she can already imagine it. Bright yellow walls and eclectic wall art. Actual photos in frames. 

This is going to be home. 

 

Given her faulty sense of direction, Felicity was sure she'd get lost looking for the agency, but she makes it there on time. The ice blue neon Snart Realty sign definitely standing out amongst its brick and mortar peers around city hall.  

By noon she's the proud owner of a beautiful townhome. She's loaded her brand-new Pinterest board with ideas and DIY's, determined to have her mark on every aspect of this new place of hers.  

Leaving the agency, her next stop is going to be a home improvement store, ridiculously excited about paint swatches, but is of course distracted by a pretzel stand.  

She's actually been doing her best to keep an eye out for Oliver on the off chance that he's in the area but it's not him that she runs in to.  

"Felicity?"  

"Laurel? Hey! How are you?" The statuesque blonde leans in for a hug that's a bit awkward but is also quite warm. 

She gives her a friendly smile, concern edging around the corners of her eyes. 

"I'm good, you know, managing Oliver's campaign. There's been a bit o f a hiccup but we're dealing." 

"Oh, yeah. You guys are doing a great job. Which I know as a constituent of Star City. Not in a creepy monitoring my ex kind of way. I mean I'm not like a stalker or anything." 

She's not sure if Laurel ever got to see one of her rambles the night they played True American and she looks a little thrown off by her weird tangent. Which just makes her want to clarify her words more. 

Thank God Laurel starts speaking before she gets a chance. "Isn't that something a creepy stalker would say though?" 

 "I think an actual stalker would be too smart to bring up their stalking during a random encounter in the busiest part of town." 

"I guess I'll just have to take your word for it then." 

"I suppose so." She just laughs which Felicity takes as a good sign. 

"How are you doing, we all wanted to check on you but Oliver said you needed space." 

She wonders for a moment if she's fishing for information or genuinely cares. But she reminds herself that this is someone Oliver trusts, which makes her a trustworthy person. So, she takes her question at face value. 

"I'm better. It's all a process you know. I just bought a house." She dangles out the keys she hasn't been able to put away since Lisa put them in her hands. 

"That’s actually awesome to hear, we've been riding Oliver pretty hard about everything." 

"Well it's not entirely one sided I suppose... He's not entirely wrong..." 

"He's not entirely right either. To quote Tommy, 'We're all Team Olicity.'" She says with a smile. "Our friend is just like the most selfless person on Earth. We've kind of all been thinking he was full of shit, so it's good to hear that something is coming out of all this." 

"Are you saying you and Tommy ship us?" It's strange to think that these people that she only met once liked her enough to campaign for her struggling relationship. Especially since she was pretty sure she was a nuisance to his overall life plan at the moment. 

"Yeah I guess we do." She says with a smile." Oliver was just really in a good place when you were together. Even though it wasn't for very long, it was good to see. And if we're being honest, Digg and I aren't really sure if his hearts in the campaign right now. At least not like it should be." 

She knows it's not but she refrains from commenting, opting to change the subject. 

"Hey, I've actually been wondering, were you serious about starting that community event?" 

"What? Oh my God absolutely."  

"Good, I've been wanting to do something lately." She'd actually mentioned it to Caitlyn a few times but she'd put it on the back burner for a while assuming it couldn't really happen until she and Oliver were on better terms since Laurel was her connect. 

 I've been recording in this studio in the Glades a lot lately, it just kind of reminded me of how important music was to me when I was growing up in a similar situation." 

"Yeah, I'd love to work something out. Here give me your number and we can lunch and hash out details." 

It's the beginning of another friendship, because she quickly learns Laurel is an awesome person.  They start meeting for lunch or coffee when their schedules match up during the week, to plan a presentation for city funding and permits.  

Instead of a festival, they settle on the idea of a block party. Filling an area of the Glades with food, local artists and musicians. The whole thing is awesome and fulfilling in a way she doesn't get to experience often. In a way that’s different even from making music.  

She could get used to this. 

 

 

 

Felicity learns who her real friends are a few weeks later on moving day.

Sara is not included in that list but Nyssa and Roy are.

"For the last time Felicity, directing where the furniture goes is just as important as carrying it inside!" She exclaims from the kitchen counter top as the three of them maneuver her new couch into place.

"We dinged the wall coming in." Roy deadpans.

"I was ordering a pizza, we're working up an appetite!"

"More like working up my nerves." Felicity says sinking into the plastic covered sofa.

She'd signed the paperwork almost a month ago but was only now moving in. They'd had an awesome time painting and planning everything out. An instance where Sara actually was useful.

"I promise I am all over box duty. Nyssa and I packed up your whole hotel room."

"To be fair," Nyssa interjects. "There were only about four boxes. Felicity is a light packer."

"Okay, who's side are you on anyway?"

"The people she just shed blood and tears with." Felicity says, pulling Nyssa and Roy down into the couch. "We're a family."

"How are we friends?" Roy snarks from beside her.

"Are we still pretending like you don't love me?"

A text tone comes through on her phone, and she reaches around Nyssa to grab it off a box of shelves perched against the wall.

> **[Rain Check? Swamped, need to catch up on work. Also, pretty sure the husband is feeling neglected.]**

Laurel Lance had also scooted into her life this month, but it's been a welcome intrusion.

She's a beast at planning and she's been talking about bringing Thea into the fold. Except, Felicity's pretty sure none of their friends know they've been hanging out. Which is okay with her to be honest. Although, she feels a bit like a dirty little secret. Which her friends find hilarious.

"Is that your girlfriend again?" Sara asks from the kitchen, finally deciding to be helpful by unloading boxes of dishes.

"She's not my girlfriend." She's says as she quickly types out her message letting Laurel know they could reschedule.

"Pretty sure you're my cousins mistress."

"Oh my God, I literally hate you."

 

The hours pass quickly as they set up everything in the house and it's crazy satisfying to see it all come to life.

Her bright red sofa against empty cerulean walls. Shelves waiting to be filled with books and knick-knacks. Bright yellow cabinets lined with orange pots and pans. She'd picked out everything for this apartment from the paint swatches to the shower curtains.

She and Roy pretty much set up the studio themselves while Sara and Nyssa hung pictures and unpacked the few boxes she'd brought with her. They duck out early to get ready for some work functions of Nyssa's, leaving a bottle of wine on the counter as a housewarming gift.

It's pretty late by the time Iris arrives.

"Oh wow, it looks amazing in here!" She says walking around, Felicity can't help but agree. It's bright and warm and everything she's ever wanted to wake up to in the morning. It's only missing a few pieces here and there, most of which has been ordered and is already on its way.

"I know right! I'm super happy about how everything turned out."

"Well, I got you something. I was on the way home but I wanted you to have it your first night here." She rifles through her bag pulling out a small framed picture. "No new home is complete without a sentimental picture on the mantle."

It's a surprise selfie Iris took when they'd signed the official contract with PR and she was freaking out with excitement in the elevator. It was such a genuinely happy moment, full of adrenaline and promise.

She remembers, that in that moment, she hadn't liked the picture at all. Her mouth was open and she hadn't been expecting and she was literally mid-scream when she snapped it. And now it's the first framed picture in her new home.

"You told me you deleted this!" She says a little teary eyed.

"Yeah well, I lied." She says smiling widely. "Don't cry Felicity!"

"I won't! I won't! It's just..." She pulls her in for a hug before going to place the photo in the center of her mantel. "This was like a thing for me. Having framed pictures in my house, moments I would want to remember later. So, this is just really sweet and awesome. Thank you so much."

"You're so welcome! I'm glad I didn't delete it now!"

"Me too. I'm so glad I bullied you into becoming my manager. Best decision ever."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we have a little bit of growth and confidence peeking in this chapter. I know this chapter was all Felicity but I wanted her healing process to be kind of organic without any rush, I hope it comes off that way even with the time jumps. 
> 
> Oliver will be peeking his head in next chapter!
> 
> Sidenote: Does anyone else feel personally attacked by the death of Polyvore :(


End file.
